General

FAsasquatch:
So once again I’m pretty sure I was scammed by another supposed feedee. Thought I played it smart this time. Promised a bigger feeding if she delivered on a small one, but she swore up and down that she was legit sent me constant updates and everything and goaded me into sending her $90 then when she finally got back with the food she said her friend and roommate were there and she couldn’t do anything live, but would send me clips and that was 3 hours ago and I haven’t heard anything since. It was on feabie this time so I don’t even know if I can report her if I never hear back from her. I just feel so stupid, I don’t know why I’ve been like this lately. I think my medication might be causing sexual disinhibition. I take an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication and I looked it up and apparently this can be a rare symptom. I mean before I would always just lurk, maybe write a story, but that’s about it, now I’m actually trying to find a feedee, doing risky things and repeating the same mistakes over and over again and blowing a ton of money in the process to satisfy an itch I can’t seem to scratch. I feel like an animal, I’m distracted at work constantly combining feabie and FF for a feedee to satisfy my urge for real. I’ve subscribed to a shitload of gainer girls on onlyfans, I’ve literally never paid for porn in my entire life until recently. I mean I was satisfied reading stories about weight gain and even that I’d go on once in a while and be done for a while. Now it just won’t stop and it’s getting worse to the point it’s disturbing! I feel ashamed, depressed, and worthless because this shit is all I think about. I’m ignoring friends and family to jerk off until I’m raw watching women get fat and I don’t understand why. For whatever reason I feel like if I could just have this experience just once I could let it go and return to normal. But I’m worried that won’t happen. I’m sorry if this is a weird place to put this, but I don’t know where else will be understanding enough to have any relevant advice.

FAsasquatch:
So once again I’m pretty sure I was scammed by another supposed feedee. Thought I played it smart this time. Promised a bigger feeding if she delivered on a small one, but she swore up and down that she was legit sent me constant updates and everything and goaded me into sending her $90 then when she finally got back with the food she said her friend and roommate were there and she couldn’t do anything live, but would send me clips and that was 3 hours ago and I haven’t heard anything since. It was on feabie this time so I don’t even know if I can report her if I never hear back from her. I just feel so stupid, I don’t know why I’ve been like this lately. I think my medication might be causing sexual disinhibition. I take an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication and I looked it up and apparently this can be a rare symptom. I mean before I would always just lurk, maybe write a story, but that’s about it, now I’m actually trying to find a feedee, doing risky things and repeating the same mistakes over and over again and blowing a ton of money in the process to satisfy an itch I can’t seem to scratch. I feel like an animal, I’m distracted at work constantly combining feabie and FF for a feedee to satisfy my urge for real. I’ve subscribed to a shitload of gainer girls on onlyfans, I’ve literally never paid for porn in my entire life until recently. I mean I was satisfied reading stories about weight gain and even that I’d go on once in a while and be done for a while. Now it just won’t stop and it’s getting worse to the point it’s disturbing! I feel ashamed, depressed, and worthless because this shit is all I think about. I’m ignoring friends and family to jerk off until I’m raw watching women get fat and I don’t understand why. For whatever reason I feel like if I could just have this experience just once I could let it go and return to normal. But I’m worried that won’t happen. I’m sorry if this is a weird place to put this, but I don’t know where else will be understanding enough to have any relevant advice.

Munchies:
I mean this kindly, but I think you should see your therapist. If it's the medication, then you're dosage needs to be tweaked. If it's not, then you need help working through this.

You no longer have the self-control you used to have, and it's hurting you. Talk to a professional. It'll help you more than anything any of us can say on here.

FAsasquatch:
I know it’s just hard to broach the subject with someone who doesn’t understand it yah know? I mean I guess I could keep it general, but still. I just hate asking for help sometimes even when I know it’s what’s best for me. This fetish just puts me at odds so much with the rest of my personality. I mean to the point where I was essentially super fatphobic when with friends or family, but when I knew no one was around this fetish would come out. I even denied being attracted to fat women to myself. I’d tell myself that I just liked the transformation and that the aftermath was disgusting or something else cruel and shitty, but let’s be honest you can’t be attracted to the transformation if you aren’t attracted to the outcome that’s just not how it works if you’re honest with yourself. I actually still harbor a bit of self hatred over it.

FAsasquatch:she was legit sent me constant updates and everything and goaded me into sending her $90 then when she finally got back with the food she said her friend and roommate were there and she couldn’t do anything live, but would send me clips and that was 3 hours ago and I haven’t heard anything since.

X_Larsson:
To OP: While you are not alone about the conflicting and sad emotions (which I have no solution to), there might be help for your addiction.
I suggest you look into the nofap concept. It seems to help many that cannot control how much porn screen time they have.