Angy523:
I really don't understand him sometimes. Maybe somebody here does. He told me again he wants to lose weight... I said "ok" and he was like "is this all you say? You won't try to stop me?" So I told him I won't ask him to look in a certain way and I would support him to lose weight if that's what he wants. And he told me I shouldn't worry because it won't be much and he just wants to be 177lbs. I know it was wrong, but my reaction was something like "yak" and he was like "shut up, you will like that" and I told him it's not true. I explained to him that when he lost weight I wasn't as attracted to him as I am now. But he told me it's not a big difference. He told me back then he was 182lbs and now he is 192lbs (which is not true, he 200lbs or close, idk why he hides his weight). I just told him it is a difference, but it doesn't matter, I will support him even if he wants to lose more weight than he said. After that we changed the subject, but all day he ate more than the usual and I'm really confused...does he really want to lose weight or did he just wanted to check again if I like how he looks now?
Also, I really want to mention, in case somebody feels the urge to tell me I don't love him if I'm not attracted to him at any size, I don't need this kind of opinions. I know I love him, he knows I love him and both of us know that attraction isn't equal to love. Of course I am and will be attracted to his personality, but physical attraction is something else and it's totally fine to have preferences, this doesn't mean you love your partener less.
Of course lower physical attraction doesn't negate love. However, the way you went about it was a bit ... emotionally oblivious.
Don't get me wrong. You did the right thing telling him that you will support him losing weight. But your reaction was a bit ... demoralizing.
Everyone wants their partner to love them and find them attractive. To say, quite viscerally, that you will find your partner less attractive after he worked up the courage to tell you he wants to lose weight stings. And you know he worked up the courage to tell you because he was shocked that you didn't try to argue him about him losing weight.
Imagine if he told you that he'd be less attracted to you if you lost some of your curves. It would hurt even though you know he loves you.
My boyfriend is about 500 lbs. He wants to lose some weight for health and comfort related reasons. He's already joined a gym and goes 3 times a week.
He knows I love him, but he feels secure that my attraction to him will be the same. How did I manage that? Because I found several different reasons to find him attractive. So even if he lost one of the things I found attractive about him, I have several other reasons to be attracted to him.
