Fattening others

New feeder, advice?

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Arden Feeder   United States
Joined 1 year
I'm brand new to the community and I don't know much yet. I have looked through the forums here a bit, but I wanted to ask directly. My boyfriend has always know that he was a feedee, and I want to be a good feeder for him. I know he likes belly rubs, but he's not a big fan of stuffing yet. I was hoping I could get some advice on how to be a good feeder for him, I want him to trust that I can take care of him so he can focus on fattening up. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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PolyPinoyPuppy   United States
Joined 1 year
Arden Feeder:
I'm brand new to the community and I don't know much yet. I have looked through the forums here a bit, but I wanted to ask directly. My boyfriend has always know that he was a feedee, and I want to be a good feeder for him. I know he likes belly rubs, but he's not a big fan of stuffing yet. I was hoping I could get some advice on how to be a good feeder for him, I want him to trust that I can take care of him so he can focus on fattening up. Any advice is greatly appreciated!


Welcome to the community! I hope you find the answers you're looking for and that you enjoy your time exploring it all.

Ultimately the best authority on how to go through this are you two. There is no right or wrong way to be in a feedist relationship so long as you're both consenting and enjoying it. Talk to one another about what parts of this you enjoy, look forward to, and want to try out.

That said, it always helps to show your appreciation and love for him at all points through his journey. The stigma and judgment fat people face isn't trivial, and even people who enjoy humiliation for their weight gain can be vulnerable to insecurities, especially when their close friends and family are involved. Your main job as a feeder is to provide a safe space for your feedee to explore and express themselves.

And don't forget yourself and your desires in this arrangement. It's unclear from your post, but if you know there are certain aspects of feederism you enjoy, talk to your boyfriend about them and see if you can explore them together.

Bottom line is to stay safe, communicative, and consensual. And have fun!
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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Arden Feeder   United States
Joined 1 year
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I really appreciate the advice. He has told me before that a safe space is important and I'm still learning how best to provide that for him.

I'm afraid he has definitely been bullied into not being himself in the past and I definitely want to be that safe space for him. I don't think he fully trusts me enough to open up yet (given his past and how his past partners/family has treated him about this, I can't really fault him for that).

I am still learning what I am enjoy about the community if I'm honest, I grew up fat with people who taught me to hate myself, so I am having to relearn a lot of things about myself. My main priority currently is wanting him to finally be able to be himself and to be able to have that safe space to do so.

Any other advice though is greatly appreciated, I feel like a fish out of water right now. But I can definitely make sure to give him all the love and appreciation that I can.
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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PolyPinoyPuppy   United States
Joined 1 year
Arden Feeder:
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I really appreciate the advice. He has told me before that a safe space is important and I'm still learning how best to provide that for him.

I'm afraid he has definitely been bullied into not being himself in the past and I definitely want to be that safe space for him. I don't think he fully trusts me enough to open up yet (given his past and how his past partners/family has treated him about this, I can't really fault him for that).

I am still learning what I am enjoy about the community if I'm honest, I grew up fat with people who taught me to hate myself, so I am having to relearn a lot of things about myself. My main priority currently is wanting him to finally be able to be himself and to be able to have that safe space to do so.

Any other advice though is greatly appreciated, I feel like a fish out of water right now. But I can definitely make sure to give him all the love and appreciation that I can.


The only other advice I can give is to take your time, then; I'm still a fledgling in a lot of ways myself, though I've been lurking for quite a while. The longer you stay in the community and explore what it has to offer and the different viewpoints and perspectives people have, the better you'll be able to articulate for yourself and your boyfriend how you want to pursue feederism. Likewise, it will take time to develop that mutual trust. You've both already gotten past the enormous hurdle of one of you coming out of the closet, as it were, on being interested in feederism; congratulate yourselves and look forward to taking each next step one at a time.

And don't hesitate to post any questions you have on specific things as they come up and talk with people who are experienced. (I'm surprised Munchies hasn't chimed in yet, as she gives good advice and is a pretty experienced feeder.)

I'll ask some questions here if you don't mind sharing on your and your boyfriend's behalf. Do you know what his goals are as a feedee? Any specific ones, like a target weight? General ones, like whether he pursues weight gain for the physical attractiveness or to pursue the excitement of taboo? You mentioned also that he isn't a big fan of stuffing. Is this something he wants to work on but feels ashamed to partake in?
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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Arden Feeder   United States
Joined 1 year
His goal is 600+, he wants to become immobile and fully dependent on someone, which is why the trust and safe space is such a big part of it. I think he find it both attractive and taboo, but I would say mostly because it is what he is attracted to and what helps him feel the most confident.

I'm not entirely sure why he doesn't like stuffing if I'm honest. He has mentioned it in passing that he didn't like it and he has not shared with me any more than that. I don't want to push him where he isn't comfortable so I haven't dug for answers on it.

I really do appreciate the kindness, I was not expecting anyone to reply so it means a lot to be able to share.
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 2 years
Arden Feeder:
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I really appreciate the advice. He has told me before that a safe space is important and I'm still learning how best to provide that for him.

I'm afraid he has definitely been bullied into not being himself in the past and I definitely want to be that safe space for him. I don't think he fully trusts me enough to open up yet (given his past and how his past partners/family has treated him about this, I can't really fault him for that).

I am still learning what I am enjoy about the community if I'm honest, I grew up fat with people who taught me to hate myself, so I am having to relearn a lot of things about myself. My main priority currently is wanting him to finally be able to be himself and to be able to have that safe space to do so.

Any other advice though is greatly appreciated, I feel like a fish out of water right now. But I can definitely make sure to give him all the love and appreciation that I can.

PolyPinoyPuppy:
The only other advice I can give is to take your time, then; I'm still a fledgling in a lot of ways myself, though I've been lurking for quite a while. The longer you stay in the community and explore what it has to offer and the different viewpoints and perspectives people have, the better you'll be able to articulate for yourself and your boyfriend how you want to pursue feederism. Likewise, it will take time to develop that mutual trust. You've both already gotten past the enormous hurdle of one of you coming out of the closet, as it were, on being interested in feederism; congratulate yourselves and look forward to taking each next step one at a time.

And don't hesitate to post any questions you have on specific things as they come up and talk with people who are experienced. (I'm surprised Munchies hasn't chimed in yet, as she gives good advice and is a pretty experienced feeder.)

I'll ask some questions here if you don't mind sharing on your and your boyfriend's behalf. Do you know what his goals are as a feedee? Any specific ones, like a target weight? General ones, like whether he pursues weight gain for the physical attractiveness or to pursue the excitement of taboo? You mentioned also that he isn't a big fan of stuffing. Is this something he wants to work on but feels ashamed to partake in?


Lol! Believe it or not, I'm usually at work during the bulk of my posting. My brain constantly crave stimulation, so when things are slow, I'll check the forums.

That being said, I don't have a whole lot to add to what you've already said.
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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PolyPinoyPuppy   United States
Joined 1 year
Arden Feeder:
His goal is 600+, he wants to become immobile and fully dependent on someone, which is why the trust and safe space is such a big part of it. I think he find it both attractive and taboo, but I would say mostly because it is what he is attracted to and what helps him feel the most confident.

I'm not entirely sure why he doesn't like stuffing if I'm honest. He has mentioned it in passing that he didn't like it and he has not shared with me any more than that. I don't want to push him where he isn't comfortable so I haven't dug for answers on it.

I really do appreciate the kindness, I was not expecting anyone to reply so it means a lot to be able to share.


It's my pleasure to talk about the things that interest me hahaha.

For his goals, I don't have any advice for what you'll do when you get there, but you'll find lots of people sharing their experiences and lifestyle tips around extreme obesity. For now I'd encourage you to set attainable intermediate goals so that you both have something to celebrate on the journey to the point of his immobility. I'm going to assume that he isn't close to that point yet and the little victories help motivate long term growth like that. And make sure to regularly update his wardrobe; as fun as popping buttons can be, nothing puts a damper on gaining like restrictive, uncomfortable clothing.

As for not liking stuffing, if his goal is long-term weight gain then honestly it might not even be that big of a deal, assuming neither of you want to pursue it. Weight gain comes from habits, not occasional overindulgence, and stuffing to the point of discomfort isn't for everyone. Hopefully you do get to the point though where you're both comfortable talking about it with one another in depth; again, that'll just take time and practice communicating with one another.

Lol! Believe it or not, I'm usually at work during the bulk of my posting.


That makes two of us, haha!
1 year

New feeder, advice?

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ChubbyHubby   United States
Joined 15 years
Also, you don’t have to stuff him to the point of being uncomfortable, if that is not enjoyable for him. Instead, maybe something more like grazing, where you encourage him or feed him lots of snacks or frequent small treats or something... just keep him comfortably full rather than uncomfortably stuffed. Most importantly, make sure you both enjoy the experience, whatever that is for both of you smiley
1 year