Dating/Friendships

I have no idea where you acquired this opinion. Is this about my simile about fine china and paper plates? Allow me then to explain: Fine china represents something that is valuable and treated with care, making sure that your actions don't damage it because it is irreplaceable. Paper plates are something you use once and throw away, without the need or desire to care what that does to the plate. The meaning of the simile was the exact opposite of what you claim. It means that each woman is an irreplaceable individual that should be treated with care, not as an object to be disposed of whenever it is convenient.



Fair point, but if by "contribute" you mean placing my personal details and pictures on a public forum, then I disagree.



Hence my opinion that they should not be placing their pictures or information on a public website. And if they felt pressured into doing so, they should reconsider, as there are people like me out there that don't require that in order to consider them someone of worth.



Number one: You don't know if I am a woman or not, only what I claim to be in my profile.
Number two: That kind of tribalistic thinking is very divisive. Where does that end? "Your opinion is invalid because you are not my (gender, sexual preference, religion, skin color, nationality, whatever) and you cannot, therefore, possibly understand my situation." Ultimately, that means that you consider no one's contrasting opinion valid, because they are not you.
Number three: I emphatically do not "highly disapprove" of anyone doing anything they enjoy, as long as it does not harm others. I apologize if I didn't make that clear enough in the OP. I thought I had.

I did not intend to attack or judge anyone, and thought that I made that clear in the OP. Obviously not, so let me restate:
I have no problem with anyone posting pics of themselves if they enjoy that, and as long as it hurts no one else. IF you feel pressured to do so, please don't give into that. IF you would like to talk to someone who will value your interest, even if you don't post pics, please contact me.

Thank you Munchies for talking to me in a classy way. I know it was classy because you were sipping tea when you did it. And even though you probably don't drink coffee, I still found your opinions valid.

Thank you MVP76 for the same.

I have no idea where you acquired this opinion. Is this about my simile about fine china and paper plates? Allow me then to explain: Fine china represents something that is valuable and treated with care, making sure that your actions don't damage it because it is irreplaceable. Paper plates are something you use once and throw away, without the need or desire to care what that does to the plate. The meaning of the simile was the exact opposite of what you claim. It means that each woman is an irreplaceable individual that should be treated with care, not as an object to be disposed of whenever it is convenient.



Fair point, but if by "contribute" you mean placing my personal details and pictures on a public forum, then I disagree.



Hence my opinion that they should not be placing their pictures or information on a public website. And if they felt pressured into doing so, they should reconsider, as there are people like me out there that don't require that in order to consider them someone of worth.



It's odd that you will listen to me because I am "classy", but you will not listen to Lora because you perceive her not to be. The tone someone writes or speaks in does not negate the validity of their statement.

Since you are either struggling to read or are being deliberately obtuse, let me restate what she said more clearly.

She did not say, "your opinion is invalid," as you are taking it to be. She is saying that you are speaking on something as an authority that you do not fully comprehend.

You say you work in cybersecurity. How often do you speak to people - professionally and personally - that give you suggestions about how to do your job? I'd assume it to be quite often if you are like any of the IT and cybersecurity people I know. And if that is the case, I'd assume that you would find it annoying or aggravating, depending on the situation.

It's the same concept.

Also, it's rather foolish of you to say, "you only know what's on my profile," when someone draws conclusions based on what you told us about yourself. Why are you upset that people are taking you at your word?

And finally, I will restate why everyone is taking issue with your statements. You portray yourself as a 53-year-old man who inserts himself into places he knows will be sexual. You admit to regularly going to Mari Gras in two different states and thinking to yourself, "These women wouldn't need to be sexually promiscuous if they had someone like me to treat them right." Your first post after being on this site for two days is to tell women to cover up.

You objectify and infantilize women. We do not like it. Please treat us like people and not like like precious objects. Thank you.

The reason he devalues me as not "classy" is because I am the type who shares photos of myself that he doesn't approve of but feels entitled to, and knows I would never do it for him specifically.

It's all tone-policing to underline his slutshaming. "Tell me how I'm wrong about dehumanizing you, but only in a way that I can handle."

Nice try, but if you're going to mansplain your own poor use of language to a woman that you are comparing to objects: you are using a metaphor. You did not say that women are *like* fine china (a simile), you asserted the we all *are* fine china. Neither of which are true.

Metaphor is the literal function of using an *object* to symbolize a subject or concept. And there is no place, ever, to insist that women *are* an object. Especially when you cannot experience what it is like to be the subject that you are, literally, by definition, objectifying (women). That is to say: if women want to use metaphor to describe themselves, they get to. You do not. Period.

Additionally, you are not treating the women here that you claim to care so much about with anything remotely close to respect, consideration, or care at all. You are telling us to cover up because YOU don't like it. No consideration what so ever for our choices, desires, reasons, or autonomy—none of which we owe to you. You are literally treating us as the paper plates you describe: all the same, and disposable. The fact that you keep dismissing my statements because they aren't "classy" enough for you means that I'm right. If you TRULY believed that all women deserved the care you claim they do, you would not speak to me , or any of us, in the way that you have. Your OP would not even exist. This is a fact, none of your purple-faced mansplaining backpedaling cowpie will change it.



Sure. Of course. You don't owe anyone photos of yourself. And you are not required to enjoy the ones that exist here. But you certainly have no moral standing to then come to this place and complain about the pictures that exist and shame the people who created them—which as been pointed out, you single out women, not the men or non-binary folks here who also choose to celebrate their bodies as *they* choose.

It's called autonomy. Clearly something you are well aware applies to you, but you consciously choose to conditionally revoke from others as if you have any place to. You do not. Especially in a community you have chosen to wag your finger at.



And yet! See above. You do not see us of worth. At all. And you felt you had the place to *complain* about the content here? If people "shouldn't" be posting pictures... again, why are you looking at them?



You assert that you are "a gentleman" and that you are seeking "a female friend." Your profile, language, and predictable doubling-down of everything indicate you are in fact, male. Other non-male folk don't say we want "a male friend" because we all know what that means. You want "one" friend... to confide in. And yet you don't want to be honest about who you are? That's not friendship.



Yet here you are, being harmful. And insisting you're not when the people you're harming say that you are. So yes, it's on purpose. That's a you problem.



You cannot both say that you require "sexual attraction" to create a friendship (another sign you're male: women know we don't need sexual attraction to be friends with anyone) then say you don't need photos to establish that. If anyone does feel pressured to share pics, that's not your problem or place to correct it.

TL;DR: you want to be secretive, insist you are not who you say you are, have "a female friend" to carry your emotional load that you are also sexually attract

Sorry my post got cut off:

TL;DR: you want to be secretive, insist you are not who you say you are, have "a female friend" to carry your emotional load that you are also sexually attracted to but doesn't share pics that you do not morally approve of (yet won't answer as to why you feel any need to *look* at them if they aren't required to build this attraction that you insist is required to be "friends"...)

Those are all dogwhistles. At best you're a self-hating misogynist. At *best*

The last thing you need is a "female friend." What you need is a reality check.

Gender issues are import and a valid topic for discussion however it's a bit too political for the theme of this site. There are other places to discuss these. I'm therefore closing the thread.

Based on your country location, I am going to assume English is not your first language. So I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are struggling with reading comprehension.

If this was a case of him saying "Be careful with posting pictures for safety reasons," no one would care. The problem is that he shamed women for posting their pictures and expressing their sexuality.

And if he was truly worried about safety, he wouldn't have gendered his statement. After all, there are a lot of non-women on this site who post the same kinds of pictures on here. They are also putting themselves at risk.

If he wanted to support modest women, then he didn't need to put down women who aren't. It's extremely misogynistic, and there are too many people like that on this site.

Also, let's not forget that he inserts himself into situations where he knows there will be sexual promiscuity and says things like "Don't be like that because you could be with me instead." That's a classic Nice Guy. No one likes Nice Guys because they aren't actually nice.