Story authors

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Letters And Numbers   United States
Joined 1 year
This is the first installment of the Fantasy Feeder Story Club, which is a dumb but fun idea we came up with in another thread to let FF authors showcase their stories and have a discussion about them.

The one rule is that feedback will always be constructive and positive, not critical. Talk about the things you think the author did well, offer some constructive advice if you have it, and remember to be positive. This is for fun.

If you would like to be featured in an upcoming Story Club, post in the "Story feedback forum" thread!

The June story is "Feederism 101" by Bellyempire.

fantasyfeeder.com/stories/view

Marnesia is one of the biggest girls on campus, self conscious about her weight she meets a handsome guy who loves it going as far as to feed her. With some research she learns that he`s a feeder. She promises to give him a night he won`t forget.


It's five chapters, so a great little bite to get started. Thanks to Bellyempire for volunteering!

Check out other Story Clubs!
- November 23, A Pleasurable Hunt by Battybattybattybat
----> fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts
- October 23, What A Long Sleep You've Had by Letters & Numbers
----> fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts
- September 23, Isolation Bellies by FatForFun
----> fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts
- August 23, The Thief by BCain
----> fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts
- July 23, Saturday by Stevita
----> fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts
June 23, Feederism 101 by Bellyempire
----> fantasyfeeder.com/forum/posts
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Munchies   United States
Joined 2 years
I will admit that I couldn't read it. This is a dense text block, and my eyes kept sliding off the page.

When you make a story, don't be afraid to use space. It allows your eyes to rest and better process whatever you see.

A general rule of thumb is to separate paragraphs with a line of space - much as I do in my response. The same thing goes with dialog. When another character starts talking - or the dialog ends - create a new line of space.

If a chapter has multiple scenes, I like to separate the scenes with a line break or multiple lines of space.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Letters And Numbers   United States
Joined 1 year
Munchies:
I will admit that I couldn't read it. This is a dense text block, and my eyes kept sliding off the page.

When you make a story, don't be afraid to use space. It allows your eyes to rest and better process whatever you see.

A general rule of thumb is to separate paragraphs with a line of space - much as I do in my response. The same thing goes with dialog. When another character starts talking - or the dialog ends - create a new line of space.

If a chapter has multiple scenes, I like to separate the scenes with a line break or multiple lines of space.


I think that’s great advice, especially for online writing where you can’t indent paragraphs. I do it myself.

It’s a cool story, though, that I think really captures the feel of a woman who gains confidence and becomes empowered by being fed by her partner. There’s some nice back and forth power dynamic, but it swings back to the protagonist at the end. I liked seeing a POC protagonist in a WG story also.

I definitely wouldn’t be afraid to go back in and add some spaces between paragraphs or give it a once over for word choice, but nice story!
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Munchies   United States
Joined 2 years
Munchies:
I will admit that I couldn't read it. This is a dense text block, and my eyes kept sliding off the page.

When you make a story, don't be afraid to use space. It allows your eyes to rest and better process whatever you see.

A general rule of thumb is to separate paragraphs with a line of space - much as I do in my response. The same thing goes with dialog. When another character starts talking - or the dialog ends - create a new line of space.

If a chapter has multiple scenes, I like to separate the scenes with a line break or multiple lines of space.

Letters And Numbers:
I think that’s great advice, especially for online writing where you can’t indent paragraphs. I do it myself.

It’s a cool story, though, that I think really captures the feel of a woman who gains confidence and becomes empowered by being fed by her partner. There’s some nice back and forth power dynamic, but it swings back to the protagonist at the end. I liked seeing a POC protagonist in a WG story also.

I definitely wouldn’t be afraid to go back in and add some spaces between paragraphs or give it a once over for word choice, but nice story!


POC protag? *reads story*

Hoo boy ... I have ... opinions about how things were portrayed in this story ... But I shan't get into them here since this isn't what the thread is about. I will say that this comes off as racial fetishization and less protagonist that happens to be a POC.

You can indent, but it can be a little finicky. You have to manually add the spaces. However, some sites eat the spaces. Some do not.

Even then, I still recommend putting spaces between the paragraphs. You see it all the time when you read books. It's there for a reason.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Letters And Numbers   United States
Joined 1 year
Passing For Vanilla:

I thought the graphic sexual descriptions were really clear and I understood exactly what was happening. The moment was captured really well.


This is a really great comment. Action scenes, whether it’s sex, or a car chase, or a baseball game, can be really difficult to write, and one of the hardest things to do is follow the action and make sure the reader knows where moving objects are in relation to each other. It’s easy to have it be a jumbled mess. This story does that well, but it’s a good check on any action scene. Just stop at a random point and “who’s sticking what where and why?”. Or something like that.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
LoraDayton   United States
Joined 16 years
I find it realllll interesting that people just flat-out ignored a Black woman mentioning that the story fetishizes race.

As a writer, in general, requesting only "positive!!" feedback is not requesting feedback at all and negates the also-requested constructive criticism.

Generally, feedback is more constructive if it is received *before* publication. That's my experience.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Bellyempire   United States
Joined 13 years
Hello Everyone

I appreciate the feedback everyone has given. I am thankful that everyone took the time to read and to think about what I wrote and form an opinion about it. Thats flattering for any writer.

I will add another point of reference from which to provide criticism to the work. What if the author was a POC.

Please continue providing your feedback.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Munchies   United States
Joined 2 years
Bellyempire:
Hello Everyone

I appreciate the feedback everyone has given. I am thankful that everyone took the time to read and to think about what I wrote and form an opinion about it. Thats flattering for any writer.

I will add another point of reference from which to provide criticism to the work. What if the author was a POC.

Please continue providing your feedback.


Hun, you wrote a protagonist that is, essentially, a mammy character. That's a really harmful, hurtful stereotype. And if you were a black man, that wouldn't make it better.

If I recall correctly, your wife is black. Mayhaps you should run your stories by her. She can provide you with better insight into how to write black women that in a way that isn't racist.

Looking through some of your other stories, this seems to be a recurring issue for you. It is possible for you, a cishet white man to write about WOC in a way that doesn't play into harmful racial stereotypes.

As a general rule of thumb, if you are writing about things you do not have personal experience with, you should research. It makes for a better-written character.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
LoraDayton   United States
Joined 16 years
Bellyempire:

I will add another point of reference from which to provide criticism to the work. What if the author was a POC.

Please continue providing your feedback.


Being part of a marginalized group doesn't make it okay to contribute further to its oppression and/or marginalization... and it's been well-established that you're not.
10 months

June story club - feederism 101 by bellyempire

Avatar
Letters And Numbers   United States
Joined 1 year
Thanks everyone for the honest feedback, on the story and on the format of a monthly story club/book club. Trying something new!
10 months
12