General

Bf struggling with insecurity more than expected

Munchies:

I am a feeder and FA. My partner and I are into extreme feeding and weight gain. However, we are not into immobility or health issues. So I told him from the jump that whenever he decided to lose weight, I'd support him 100%.

That time came late last year. He came to me and asked how I'd feel if he lost some weight. He was terrified that I'd lose my attraction to him or that I'd leave him.

Conti

Munchies:
I get why he was scared. There are unfortunately a lot of feeders that leave their feedees once they decide to lose weight and get healthy. Sadly, this kink breeds a lot of shallowness and selfishness even when both parties don't mean to be.

However, when my partner said he wanted to gain weight, it wasn't a big deal for me. I went into things knowing that one day he'd want to lose the weight. So I'd decided that I would find other reasons to be attracted to him.

I also made an effort to enjoy sex with him outside of feedism even when he was actively gaining. We'd indulge our other kinks or just focus on enjoying each other.

There are also ways to enjoy feedism without gaining weight. I stuff him occasionally or fantasize with him about being 700 lbs.

My partner is still losing weight. He wants to get in shape and maybe even get muscular. He's happy with his choices, and I'm still extremely attracted to him. Yes, our dynamic has changed but that means we get to rediscover ourselves. I'm excited to see what he is going to achieve.

I appreciate you sharing. I was definitely attracted to him before, and I'm capable of finding many body types attractive even if I have preferences. I think I just went a little crazy when he said he'd be okay being a little bigger, and when he actually started to put on weight, I sort of lost sight of the frame of mind I had previously where I may have fantasized about him gaining sometimes but didn't feel it was that important if I didn't get to experience that in reality. In retrospect, trying to focus more on the other things I've always found attractive about him as an "insurance" would have been smart. I always knew, anyways, that he had limits on how big he'd ideally be and that if he got to be what he considered too big, he'd lose weight, and I accepted that. We just both had thought that that point was much farther away from where it apparently is.

But anyways, I will try to take your advice to heart and try to refocus myself less on the kink aspects of my attraction if I can. I do love him very much and want him to be happy, and though I've yet to have a longer conversation with him it seems like hopefully he's still willing to engage in fantasy talk and such.
10 months

Bf struggling with insecurity more than expected

Ex Jock:
OP, you could also consider working out and lifting too. I’m 6’1 and cannot even imagine what 130lbs would be like, and I used to be pretty scrawny. But working out and building some muscle is a) one of the biggest things that helped my confidence and insecurities when I was skinny, and smiley allow him continue to gain and enjoy food while filling putting on some muscle in addition to some fat. If he feels insecure because he’s “skinny-fat,” maybe get a little stronger and I bet he fills out some more, gets a little thicker and gains some confidence.

However like others have said, he has to agree to it, and if he wants to be done gaining altogether than that might just be his choice.

That's a good idea, and something I hadn't thought of, so thank you! I'll definitely bring it up with him as a potential long-term compromise, when I get the chance to talk with him more, and see how he feels.

Yeah, he was very skinny and that was sort of his baseline for many years, so he started off without much muscle at all. He's never been one for the gym so idk how he'd feel, but a few months ago he started working a job that's fairly physical and involves a good bit of lifting, and he's mentioned a few times that he's been gaining strength for the first time in his life. It kinda seemed like he felt good about that, so I'll see what he thinks.

But yeah, ofc I have to accept what he's comfortable with, if it's a hard no to anything, then I'll just have to work from there. Even though I've always seen myself as just a feeder, I could always consider gaining at some point in the future, as a way to indulge that part of myself.
10 months
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