Fat experiences

So I recently stumbled upon my wife’s reddit account and I noticed a comment she made a week ago.

She was asking advice on how to knit a specific type of sweater because “I’m really self-conscious about my belly, particularly the lower belly (apple shaped).”

She’s gained a little weight recently and despite all my verbal and physical affection, I know no matter what I do I can’t help her love herself. She’s amazing and sexy and gorgeous and it breaks my heart that she focuses on the things she doesn’t like about herself instead of the things she does.

I’m also bummed because it gives me secondhand shame. I think her belly is really cute and feminine. She knows I’m a FA, but she doesn’t see herself the way I do. And I hate that the thing I find really sexy is the part of her she’s most embarrassed about. That’s fucked up and it makes me feel bad.

Idk, sometimes I just wish I wasn’t a FA. I hate feeling powerless to help her love herself and I wish her being down about her body didnt make me feel like I’m indirectly part of the problem.

We can't control how someone views themselves but what you're doing is all you can do.

I would never take back this feeling. I'm proud of it, not ashamed, or embarrassed. Think of how your partner would feel if she was with someone who was repulsed by her weight. She has someone who loves her and will show her support no matter what.

Well said.

Imagine you had a problem with her weight gain instead, how that would add to her insecurity.

Everyone is different. It took whole three years so that my wife would even let me touch her navel or some rolls after she gained.
She‘s that traumatized from fat-shaming, toxic familiy and society.

Even after I came out as an FA to her, she‘s still super sensible about it.

In a weird way, I can understand. When I feel weak for whatever reason, people finding me attractive for that weakness would really have to sink in for a while for me to accept or even be able to grasp that.

Hmm… this is a very good question. Especially when it’s something to ask about FAs.

Now I have liked bellies and have an attraction for plus size women for a long time. I would even consider myself an ally if would say so (even if I completely suck at it). As much as I am what I am attracted to, I have had doubts about it from time to time.

Now I do my best to not think about it as a fetish, but more so in a body positive/gratification light. Whenever I am with someone in a dating perspective, I do want to encourage them to feel comfortable in their own skin.

Sadly no matter how hard I try or even if I do tell them that I like what I see, it just feels like it’s never enough. Or they would give me that “I hate my belly/body” comment.

However it wasn’t all bad because I have had girlfriends who are okay with the fact that I liked bellies. And some that did feel confident thanks to my influence. Ha ha! However there were also some girlfriends in the past that completely lied to me and completely faked it.

Oh, not to mention that ever since that body positivity and fat acceptance went downhill, that took a big hit to my confidence. Now it’s almost tricky not to have anxiety every time I see some anti-fat content on YouTube or Snapchat or anywhere on my social media feed. Luckily I am trying to figure out a way to find a new purpose or mindset for body positivity in a 2020s lens, but it’s been a difficult recovery.

So I guess to answer the question on do I wish I wasn’t a Fat Admirer? Well honestly NO, but if wasn’t for the anxiety… then also YES.

Like I said, I LOVE the kind of women that I’m attracted to. No trolling or hate out there is gonna stop me for liking what I like. But getting wound up in the world of weight loss and anti-fat culture can be a bit of a headache.

Can't make someone love parts of themselves if they aren't open to do so. All you can really do is offer love and support.

If she hates being fat so much, then maybe you two can work on that together. Make it fun quality time like going on walks or cooking healthy meals. All the while, continue to show her you find her sexy no matter what she looks like.

It will give her a sense of agency while reaffirming you love how she looks.

On that note, I've never regretted being an FA. I love fat men, and they love me. Currently dating a fat man who loves being fat but is losing weight for health reasons. Not sure if he's going to lose all his fluff, but I know I'll find him sexy even if he does.

I am so sorry that you’ve been going through that. But I appreciate you being open and brave to express your thoughts especially when it comes to you being an FA. But it’s also good to know that even FAs can go through shit too.

Oh! As for my part I’ve always liked people of all shapes so I don’t regret being a BBW who’s also an FA at the same time!

If I wasn't an FA it would be way easier to meet someone I like. Instead it is very lonely.

Im afraid to say that people don't know what they want.
They need to do a lot of thinking in order to figure this out. Otherwise what they dream is just a reflection of what the world tells them to desire.
It's better if you have somebody to help you in that thinking process tho!

She knows what she wants. It's just she wants two different things. She wants to lose weight, but she also wants the comfort of not watching her weight.

It's extremely common.

Bad communication from my end i guess, i was talking about the OP, Also im trying to think but i cant understand, what is the second thing his girlfriend wants, apart from wanting herself to loose weight?