General

I wasn't expecting a response at all but yes you are right you two did respond so i was wrong about that. I have tried working i even stayed at a job for seven months(some of you may think that's not a lot of time but for me it is)and i tried to make friends but instead i ended up hating everyone. While working i just wanted to kill myself and everyone around me and i used to play sports but i never had fun so i just quit like i did with my job. My big problem as i see it is that people for no real reason really irritate me. Out of everyone i meet 99% of people i hate within the first 30 minutes of talking and that 1% i just don't mind spending time with but i wouldn't care if we never saw each other again. I tried in high school and after high school and i just can't seem to like people i know i shouldn't get annoyed with people i don't even know but i just do.

Hmmm, sounds alot like me...

This thread is actually pretty touching. Started reading page one and couldn't stop. Now that I have reached the end, I have to say that I hope everyone here that has a major problem, or issue, or just some conflict in their lives, gets the help they need. It takes alot of guts to drop some of the confessions that you did. And yeah...depression sucks...so does not being able to think for yourself, afraid that you'll displease others, ignoring you own needs and wants. And when you try to take care of yourself, you don't quite know how, and end up hurting those you were trying to help. Thereby bring you back to square one. At least there's some bomb music out there to improve mood. Go Evil 9, TCM, The Prodigy, and a variety of other awesome bands. Oh, one final thing. If you think you are alone, and that you can't get help, remember that there is always someone who has gone through what you have, or something very similar, and you CAN get help. No issue is insurmountable, regardless of how you feel. That is all.

Sometimes i wish i could travel without the little problems that come up like money.

Just spent an hour actually reading all this and rather then say all the stuff thats been said about depression and loneliness and suicide, i thought i'd given some unique personal confessions.

"Potential" this one word haunts me every day of my life, everyone i have ever met can see it, i can see it, every teacher who has ever taught me, regardless of the subject has mentioned it, fark if you listened to my teachers at high school, each one said i could be the best ever in thier particular subject.

Unfortunately thats the problem, despite my apparent apptitude, dreams and desires for greatness, i am yet to achieve anything close, i'm not even on my way to do something like that.

I am so afraid of death that my logic lead me to believe i'd be better off killing myself now then dieing later, which will inevitably happen. When i realised or accepted that i wasn't gonna live for ever, i sought another method of immortality, i was gonna be great, make a difference to the world, people would remember me when i was gone.

So as you can see, every day of unfullfiled potential is another nail in my coffin, and the worst thing is that it's all just a stupid fantasy, like everyone else whos dreamt of greatness before me and then gone on to lead a boring mundane life.

Should just end it now and give someone else a shot....

lol damn, ended up being the same anyway.

ok, this one won't be:

I don't want to be human.

I'm scared of sex, i hate it, think it's disgusting and repulsive, just like eating and "going to the bathroom" and breathing. I wish i was not bound by such needs, I believe i am better then that, then having to satisfy some primitve lust or hunger, i look forward to the day when science can free me of this "curse of flesh" (lol i know its from WoW but i love the concept )

You see, thier is this part of me who likes the idea of sex, and eating, that is the part you all get to see, the lil "demon" inside me who indulges in his selfish desires. Although i have been rather liberal about it since i've been on this site i still look forward to exorcising such evils from me.

I would work so much harder if i wasn't busy checking out the girls who walk past every 5 secs, and i'd get so much more done if i didn't need to take brakes to eat or sleep.

Imagine how humanity could accomplish without such things holding them back? I could finally achieve the greatness i so strongly seek, by focusing my all on that goal and not worrying that "i'm hungry" "i'm tired" "i'm horny" "i'm lonely"

hmmmm, please don't take any of this the wrong way, i've always been my own toughest critic and i by no means want anyone to think i would like the rest of the world to follow my view.

I just have phsycotic issues about stuff, kinda like an extreme control freak...

Anyways, so ends this late nigh rant, time for bed!

Max Out

I wish I had more good friends, or that I heard from the ones I did have more often.

I do a lot of things with the intention of making myself appear more interesting. Because I'm aware I have this motivation, I always question everything I do a bit too much.

I think about doing things much more than I do them. This makes me cautious, but far less productive than I strive to be.

Good news-

moving out soon with Endymion, thinking about starting a clips4sale if not modeling, maybe a nice blog about our life as it is the cool and cute thing to do.
and also:
Fat Princess will be released on the Playstation network Thursday, July 30th, for $14.99

Walmart... I loath the last 8 days I owe you.


In other news- I seriously want to hurt someone. He hurt my sister, very badly. Not once or twice... but three times. Punk owes me money too. I don't care when people talk badly about me... but when you call my sister who is underage and pregnant with YOUR child a low life F&^$( I will rip your head off and eat it while you slowly die.

And I still harbor hate in my heart for someone, who recently contacted me for no reason. Then I told them to stop and leave me be- I get called bad names once again, and harassed for a few days.
Both of these boys mothers should have swallowed.
I have never felt so much anger for someone in my life, but these 2 jerk offs really make me want to go a little crazy.

I confess....even though we have no common interests, disparate goals in life and generally have a hard time being in the same room, I'm still in love with my ex-wife and am only dating to try to keep from feeling hollow inside.

I'm scared of bugs and spiders.

I only have one friend which i never met face to face.