Gaining

Maybe this is the wrong place to ask for advice, but I've seen people with the same thoughts. Lmk what you think.

This kink has been with me since I can remember, but I never considered gaining, actually feeding someone is more my style. I've been thin my entire life... until I went to a medical appointment 6 months ago and to my surprise I was 20lbs over my ideal weight. This actually made me feel insecure and thought of losing the weight, but my best friend told me that the BMI metrics and all of that can go to hell and I had to accept myself.

I've noticed that I'm addicted to carbs now. Everyday I eat (at a bare minimum!) an ice cream or a McDonalds meal just to taste something good. If I'm not outside, I crave entire chocolate bars during midnight. I started going almost daily to the fridge at 2am to crave something and then continue sleeping due to the hunger. All of these bad habits obviously made me gain a couple pounds. I don't have a scale at home, but I'm sure I'm passing the 200lbs mark by now. I noticed that half my wardrobe does not fit anymore, I'm starting to have a double chin and my arms actually doesn't fit in some of my shirts anymore. Not to mention that my belly is now resting in my lap, which I never had the chance to experiment before. I went to a store to buy a size 12 jeans, and I was shocked when I tried on a size 16 and it wasn't closing. And that was the biggest size they had.

As erotic as this may sound, the reality is that I'm starting to feel bad about my body. Don't get me wrong, I like eating, and the thought of having someone to tie me up and feed me fast food is a big turn on for me, but at the end of the day I feel like I'm slowly destroying my health and I don't feel pretty. I'm also involved in a modeling and gaming entertaimment kinda stuff, so getting my way into obesity is not the ideal thing to do if I want to continue in this project.

The obvious solution is to start exercising now, but I actually hate physical activity due to bad experiences and everything is set up for me to gain more: all members in my family are fat and always giving me candy, and at work (which is sitting all day at the office) they're always gifting taco Tuesday, pizza day, beers after work... some of my coworkers told me that they got fat due to this type of job and I can see them struggle with diabetes or mobility issues at their 30s and 40s!

Any advice on how to balance both lifestyles, or how to start a positive change? I feel ugly and I'm afraid that when I start losing the weight I'll be too big or even with health issues.

I hate to say this, but realistically something has to give if you want to avoid gaining weight.

It may be that you stop buying snacks, or at least unhealthy snacks, maybe trying to find a healthier alternative.

It may be you start exercising or at least some kind of physical activity e.g. walking. Prior to some injuries, I used to enjoy walking to work and listening to podcasts.

It may be you start saying no to people offering food, maybe saying to them you're on a diet.

There may be some drug or something that can help, but I'd consider that the absolute worst case scenario and something I'd try to avoid.

If you're unwilling to change your lifestyle, then I fear you run the risk of being fat and unhappy or you have to start accepting who you are and enjoying being fat like allot of people around here, which by the sound of your post is something which may not happen.

I know someone who was regular size, and wanted to gain 50 pounds, then stop. She tried to stop, but could not. The last time she weighed herself, she was 575 pounds. She's probably even bigger now. She's pretty young, so she may be gaining a lot more. Stopping or losing weight is not an option for everyone.

It reminds me when my girlfriend realized what she did to her body.
She was thin with her 165cm and 115lbs, quite fit. She stopped to exercise and slowly addicted to fast foods and in no time she was visiting McDonald's almost every day. She also started to crave sweets like cakes, coke etc. everyday to the coffee at work then at home.
When somebody was telling her and her habits and her growing figure she was always surprised and denying, then telling that it's nothing and she can lose it in a week.
First months she was not gaining, probably good metabolism. But later on she went up few sizes, started to struggle in daily things. When she finally realised what she is doing she was almost 200lbs and obese. She was freaking out but it was to hard to stop and change bad habits so she still doesn't start dieting. She is always moving it to next month finding good reason why.
Even today she stuffed her face at McDonald's and went home with few pieces of cake for dessert. I think it's super hard to stop because it's real addiction like drugs. My girlfriend has the same as you, she needs to eat something sweet before going to sleep to feel calm and it's not just piece of chocolate, more like big bar or so.
Like you can imagine she is still gaining more instead of losing her weight, being obese now with around 240 lbs.

If you want to lose weight you need to stop eating fast food today and maybe join some joga group or other sport to have motivation to exercise with others ☺️

I would just stop buying junk food and use your willpower to eat less but better and work out more.

There are two approaches you can try, since this goes both ways. You feel a carnal pleasure from it, but but are afraid of society's consequences and the fear of health issues despite not having any.

The first is obvious, lose weight and emphasize fitness. Your biggest problem is not keeping track of your junk food binges, get a diary app asap to start holding yourself accountable, and find healthy replacements first for your main meals. A protein and veggie rich diet helps trigger satiety better for less calories, and you can even use veggies stuffing for cheat meals to have your cake and eat it too. Make sure to wear off junk food and use unprocessed instead, as it's a known fact big food doctor up the ingredients to keep customer retention. Soda is notorious for this, even the diet kind. Otherwise, tackle your habits as well and cut down snacking, if you hide the snacks and make it difficult to access, and eventually the habit will break with enough willpower.

However, if you do like how it's sitting but just hate the peer pressure, try a target fitness goal instead of a target weight. If you're a model that has connections and have looks to spare, maybe try moving into the plus size scene and check the opportunities there. COVID weight really reframed how big the average person is now, so you can afford a little chub in America at least. For cardio, I recommend trying an eboke for your commute, and buy one for the biggest size you'd imagine being. As long as the motor can haul you, it's an easy way of getting cardio into your routine, check out bike trails, and when you're done with pedaling, you can just throttle home (make sure to check local regulations). Your family seems accepting, so if you can take care of your career choices it's a non-issue if you try better habits. If you're a streamer or do gaming content in person, sorry to say that having a thicker skin is necessary; if you're scared of your audience because you put on a few, just wait for schizos to make up bs and beat you over the head when you aren't looking.

@Otherday99
How is it going? Did you stop junk foods and snacks? Finger crossed for you! ☺️