General

Sorry that you feel this way, it can be really disheartening to be a plus sized queen or king only to be passed up by people who just put on 10-15 lbs and are traditionally beautiful/handsome. You aren’t alone in this sentiment.

Keep in mind some people in this space just use it as outlet for their pornography, and will never go beyond that, which is quite sad.

Such men exist, but FF is full of creeps.

I kinda figured you weren't actually a feedist after the whole prison thread. That said, I'd recommend taking a break from trying to get a man and spend that time working on yourself. I remember your original PFP. You aren't ugly. You are a beautiful woman. But you have low self-worth.

I took a 5 year dating hiatus once. Best thing I could have done. I spent that time working on myself so I be secure in myself.

Also, no matter what you look like, there's always someone who's into it.

I see several things I’d like to put my word in for.

I would not consider this to be a place to find a relationship, sure if you find yourself stumbling into someone who happens to be similar to you, a sexual or friendly relationship can form. But that is with any social platform.

I will also say desperation is not attractive to anyone. I sense lots of mental instability I found in myself back in my high school days. If it’s purely loneliness, socialize more. If socializing doesn’t seem to work, see a therapist. I’m not trying to be rude, I recommend everyone to see a therapist because of how much it has helped me.

Looking for love is not going to take 6 months, it took me 4 years of off and on dating. I’m not saying its going to take 4 years either, it just so happens that’s how long it took me.

There is no such thing as too ugly for love. The only thing that is ugly to almost everyone is lying about yourself and ambitions, and that can be corrected. Joining here to meet someone and having them get the impression you’re into the same stuff when you’re not is going to hurt people. Say you lied that you liked rock climbing to get with someone who likes rock climbing, suddenly a connection that could’ve been made on something you have in common is spent on a lie, which once found out will lower their trust to lower than before you met. Seriously do you really want a creepy fat fetishist to rub your belly fat? You wouldn’t be into it, they would notice you not being into it, and feel betrayed.

I hope you don’t give completely up and keep trying at it. It’s good to focus on yourself after being in the dating world for so long. Best of luck.

Amen to this. Therapy is a tuneup for the noggin. Pretty much everyone can benefit from it, whether you think you need it or not. We’re not usually taught how to think about ourselves and our feelings, and it’s not something that comes naturally to most folks.

All of this.

Plus, desperation ain't cute. And it can put you in danger too. There are a lot of people who will happily take a desperate woman and abuse her. And she'll stay because she thinks that this is as good as it gets for her.

Also, there is some truth to what OP said about fat fetishists. Some so-called feeders aren't actually feeders. They are fatphobic abusers looking for vulnerable fat women. Being desperate for their attention is like chum in the water for them.

You deserve more than that for yourself.

I think I found a red flag:

The problem isn't that fat fetishists don't exist... it's that they are fat *fetishists* and don't give a care about the person whose body is fat. They just want fat, fat first, feeding first, growing first, and prioritize that over everything else. It's always about the fat body, the fat look, the fat ness above all else. That a fat person has needs, desires, uniqueness all on their own doesn't even register to them, or is the very last thought if it does.

Fat fetishists are BY FAR the most fatphobic people I have ever met, and that is without exaggeration. Fatphobia is everywhere in society, even with the most progressive-minded folk out there. But there is something so deliberately cruel about the way fetishists wield it. They behave as though fat people should be *grateful* for the bits of attention they give us, that we should be *honored* they fantasize about us, then turn around and constantly tell us that we're still not good enough. Not fat enough, not well-shaped enough, not kinky enough, not demure enough, not ambitious enough, not obedient enough, never enough.

It's because there are so few people who will ever meet their fantasy... because it's a fantasy, and they don't know how to connect with *people* and how to *share* fantasies without being consumed by them. They are the insatiable gluttons at the end of the day.

It's not you. It's them. And I'm so sorry.

At the end of the day, most (yes, I said most and I stand by it) are ashamed of their kink and they take it out on the fat people whom they target. Just look at how often people come through here, wringing their hands about their fat kink and being so AFRAID someone might figure out "OH NO, I boink fat people!!" They have the nerve to come here and ask fat people how to get approval from thin ones—then only listen to the think folk here and scoff at the fat ones who offer their real advice.

They are very often cheating on thin partners and refuse to be seen with fat people. Given the number of accounts with no pics and no involvement in the community yet still claim to want real sincere connection, refuse to be seen BY fat people—because they do not see us *as* people. They never have.

I've been at FF for 15 years and in the overall community for nearly 20. I've made some great friends and lovely connections. I know there are sincere folks out there. But they are exceptionally rare. They make it worth sticking it out for, but it really is 99% that are the other part. I swear by now I have met every archetype of fat fetishist that could exist and I clock them all with freakish accuracy.

Everyone deserves to be seen and cared about for who they are, regardless. There's nothing wrong with you. It's not you. It really isn't. There *are* people here who do only seek a non-kink connection, but they are often silenced and pushed out by the others I mentioned above.

Your value as a person is wholly inalienable regardless how you have felt interacting with people here. I'm sorry they didn't see that in you. It's always their loss, not yours. Best of luck to you!

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Unfortunately good people are hard to find, fat fetish or not.

I wish society wasn't like this, didn't make you feel so desperate that you felt like you had to embrace something that wasn't even your desire just to potentially find a mate.

There are a few good people in the community who actually do like fat and not just in "acceptable" areas. My partner is built like a butterball turkey, and our relationship benefits but isn't based solely on her physically or mine.

Finding what you're looking for isn't impossible but I don't think doing it in a place that encourages The fetish is going to reduce the amount of inauthentic people you have to filter through and potentially be hurt by.

Best of luck, but if feederism or weight gain isn't something you enjoy you shouldn't have to engage in it, that's unfair to you. Lots of people here want community but there's an endless stream of horny men (and a few women) just willing to use people and burn them when they're done.

I don't know that I have anything worthwhile to say, and I don't know if you'll ever read this. But here goes.

I've seen the pics in your feabie, you aren't unattractive at all, you're extremely cute. I didn't myself say anything - like ask you out or anything - primarily because of your stated desire in the profile (which others quoted), for someone to feed and take care of you, isn't something I can do, both in my personality at this time in my life (distracted, lost in my own head, or on my own tasks), nor possible when I'm planning to leave the area and be back on the road in half a year. And I probably wouldn't be someone you would 'connect with' anyway, so maybe I'm irrelevant as an example.

However, I know some people are particularly into that sort of thing - aspects of being fed and taken care of, having a life of ease, or hedonism, or gluttony, or combinations of such things. And there are indeed people for them, who get off on being the caretaker or provider or long-term feeder - there was a prior time in my life when I was somewhat more among them. And that's just how I had interpreted it.

My hesitation illustrates: there are reasons people don't reach out, points of obvious incompatibility. It's one of the purposes of profiles: to vet people and be vetted in turn. What you had was geared toward the interest of a particular type of person, representing only a moderate to small subset of people here, and it did so for a limited amount of time - apparently 6 months.

But when I read this rant, it completely changes the interpretation.

It's kind of hateful and, like, weirdly entitled, in a non-introspective way.

It directly admits to an attempt to abuse our sexualities to get what you want out of someone - either anyone, or someone specific but undetermined - and, moreover, almost directly states a sense of entitlement to just receive it. If this entitlement were shown in person, it would be a big red flag to most.

Then, having failed to manipulate anyone into that now-admitted trap, you're disparaging any and all of the very people you were trying to manipulate, in order to make yourself, and your frustration, feel validated - frustration at not suddenly receiving, in a mere half year, something some people spend their entire lifetime seeking, and which many never find. If a hint of that penchant for malice for personal validation were to be shown in person, that, too, would be a major red flag; not only is it toxic in a relationship, but makes for some truly terrible and destructive exes.

I myself have been a jerk, back in my day. Harmful things done, harmful things said, for self-validation. Later - sometimes long later - I realized some of it, and tried to make amends. One of the reasons, is rethinking things with the experience of the years since - and if one can acknowledge that they did wrong, true remorse gives leads to true reconciliation, which is ointment that allows wounds to become scars - e.g. someone I alienated a decade ago is legitimately one of my best friends again.

When we're young, we haven't yet had all the time yet to think in all the ways we will eventually think, or all the opportunities to play through all possible ways of being. This is the very purpose of 'play' in the psychological sense: a person, child or adult, takes on different roles, testing out different ways of being, and solidifies their personality from those they find suitable. It's not a perfect process, it's kind of like plinko, but it happens throughout life, you can keep playing.

In that light, I recommend taking this time to step back, and re-evaluate how you think of these things, and how you react, and to try to solidify different ways of being.

Get rid of the entitlement; neither the world, nor anyone in it, is beholden to give you what you immediately desire, and the very concept of 'deserve' let alone entitlement is a mere social construct without basis in reality. Come at it more calmly, and cultivate a self and a life that someone would feel worthwhile to share, and you will have a much better - and more honest - 'trap'.

Get rid of the malice; the world is not beholden to you, and if you react with backlash - like the rant above - when things don't go how you feel they should, you do immense harm. Now, for example, who reading that rant would want to give you a go? You've alienated most of us, and showing some bad true colors in the process, after not finding what you want within 6 months.

Step back and think about what you're actually looking for in a relationship. If it's 'connection', fully define what that would actually mean and feel to you - not as the vague term everyone throws around in a 250 character tinder blurb. And then live your life - cultivate yourself - to give it. It is possible that someone is looking for the same. If you've both internally defined it, to such an extent that you give it, you'll recognize it. As, if they did the same, will th