I don't think you are alone.

I have been a lurker in the old school spaces since I was a teen and signed up to actually post for years here and my appreciation has evolved over time for what I want for myself and others.

When I first found out that this whole thing existed, it was through the old Dimensions stories and forums, and I gravitated to women, and especially older white women (as a younger black man at the time), not sexually, but for the cognitive dissonance on applying what I was feeling to myself. It took a long time for me to figure out that was what I was doing. I avoided looking at fat black women that reminded me too much of family members or myself, and avoided images of men. But then when I came to terms that my preferences were deeper than sexual and that I needed to consider what I actually wanted for myself or my partners did I break down those barriers - I could see myself more in what men and other people of color were doing in these spaces, and it made me ask those hard questions and opened my appreciation for aspects of the community that I had been closed to before.

Because I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, I made no effort to hide my attraction for bigger bodies or for conspicuous eating, so naturally I had some friends ask if that is what I liked, but honestly, my actual attraction for partners has very little to do with physical appearance, so it wasn't as simple as being an FA, and it wasn't a sincere desire to be a gainer either. I found my boundaries and negotiables for myself and for potential partners but I am more open to things I might not have previously been, and how feedist sexuality can be not in conflict with my Christian faith.

I would hope as you continue on your path that you continue to learn and be open to not rush to definitions, but to understanding and appreciation.

I don't think I want to DM or chat about it, but I have had family members that I think would have been part of this community had they known it to exist. When I was a child, I had some aunties/cousins that were unapologetically fat, and I remember some of the spirited debates they had with other family members about it. They were also always some of the nicest to me which doesn't hurt how I feel about fat today, but I wouldn't give them too much of the credit, as I didn't know this about myself until I got out on my own.

I intentionally made some dietary changes that led to some unintentional weight loss. I was happy with myself bigger but needed to do it for health reasons which have been successfully mitigated.

I have been bothered by well-intentioned people commenting on my weight loss. The biggest annoyances have been people that vastly overestimate how much weight I lost and people asking probing questions about my diet and exercise habits. Some of if has made me want to fatten myself up out of spite, but instead I have decided to focus on the positives and stay the course.

The positives:

1. My wife has been mostly indifferent to my weight loss and is frustrated by my dietary restrictions. It is comforting as she is the only person outside of myself that I care how they feel about my body and loves me the same when I am smaller and bigger. My diet is mine alone and I don't ask her to go along with me, and if anything, there have been more snacks for her laying around since I am not helping her eat them, of which I am enjoying the results.

2. I have taken opportunities to explicitly state that I liked myself bigger and the weight loss was just a side effect to shut down some of the more anti-fat unsolicited comments.

3. There have been a few people that been able praise my stewardship of my health while lamenting the loss of my former frame and enjoyment of food. I am thankful for their understanding of my choices and separation of the two issues.

4. While I have no intention of purposefully regaining all of the weight I lost, I do have plans to continue to modify my diet and some slight weight gain is expected - both muscle and fat.

What I meant was to write something to be added to fantasyfeeder.com/articles instead of a story. Something non-fiction that is either researched or opinion-based.

Today is the annual chore of me clearing all the leftovers out of the fridge to make room for the Thanksgiving cooking. Also doubles as my first run of stuffing to stretch my capacity for Thursday.

Maybe instead of stories, write an article. There needs to be new content there.

As someone who loves to stuff but isn't gaining, one of my go-to stuffing methods is to hit up a salad bar lunch special.

My technique is to make each plate from a formula consisting of one form of lettuce, three vegetables, one protein (eggs, cheese, of nuts since I am a vegetarian), and light dressing. No pre-made pasta salad / potato salad / marinated mixes.

The variety keeps me from getting bored. I usually end up with my mouth getting tired of chewing before or at the same time that I get to that point where I am just done with eating salad. I try so save my favorite vegetable combos and salad dressings to the later rounds to keep myself motivated. It usually takes me about an hour before I order an entree, then I go for my final round of salad while my order is being prepared. I can usually still easily finish a modest lunch special on top of the salad even if I thought I was already too stuffed. The change in flavor profile gives a nice second wind.

One tip I've learned to do is to keep the amount of liquid to a minimum until after I am completely done. I get comfortable and chug some liquid as soon as I leave the lunch. I find gatorade to be more chuggable than water or soda. What happens is my system has been trying to squeeze all of the liquids out of the salad vegetables, and the partially digested salad soaks up all of the liquid and expands. It is a very intense and filling feeling - more than chugging liquids on an empty stomach.

Enjoy

I try to be the one doing the affirming. I am in the process of losing some weight, mostly for health reasons, so I have been getting a lot of intended but unwanted 'compliments'. I try to shift the focus and deflect from what I look like or weight, but if pressed, I have told people outright that I was happier fatter but am accepting of myself as I am. This acknowledgement is always met with either joy or resistant confusion; I am happy if that joy makes people love themselves more and when the confusion leads to growth.

Mix in a round of healthy fiber (oatmeal, salad) to make things easier later, and dramamine or ginger tea to help with nausea.

If I am having a multi-stage max stuffing, changing clothes is part of the process. I usually like to take first round at home and I don't care what I wear. I like to make one meal and prep the come-home round. Second round at a restaurant dressed neatly and in something slightly tight, then go to the grocery store for anything I may have missed. Third round is to go home and put on a movie while cycling through the pre-prepped food, any leftovers, and anything I bought at the grocery store in just underwear or naked, and then when I can move again, put on athletic clothes and go for a walk for a bit to make room, then top off to the max with the one thing I saved for last (usually desert) and pass out.