Ahh, I misunderstood. That does make more sense.

I agree that we should try to nail something concrete down. However, I think we should be open to meet up locations that aren't Chicago; people who live outside of the cities that have Amtrak stations might prefer a more central location like Bloomington-Normal for something labeled a pan-Illinois meet-up. People who live in Chicago have better access to public transit to get to Union Station, while people who live in smaller towns or cities without stations like Peoria can drive to the location, since they'd need to either drive to Chicago or a station anyway.

We should also discuss the venue. A restaurant is an obvious choice, but I think there are merits to a meet up in a park, with people bringing snacks and food, so attendees aren't also signing up to pay for a meal out if that's not what they want. Something like a park would also let people bring card/party games if that's their style.

I think the best way to plan this would be to make a Google survey.

Ask if she wants to talk about the things you each find attractive or the fantasies you each have. I'd normally say that after sex is a good time to do it, as part of aftercare, but any time while cuddling is a good time. Show openness and curiosity about her tastes, and be up front about being hesitant or worried about her response if that's how you feel. Tell her that this is a part of you you think you're ready to share with her because of your trust in her, and that while you don't expect her to indulge your fantasies in any way, be honest and say that it's something important to you.

While there are valid reasons to want to be slim or visibly muscular, it's worth pointing out that recent studies show exercise, compared to keeping a low weight, is more important for long term health.

education.virginia.edu/news-stories/why-weight-researchers-say-its-fitness-matters

Of course this isn't to say carrying extra weight isn't hard on your body in certain ways, and overeating can cause gastrointestinal distress, but I think dispelling the "slim = healthy" myth is worthwhile. People who are slim but don't exercise are often more at risk for cardiovascular disease than people who are overweight or even obese who do exercise.

This has already been suggested. Furthermore, OP has already said their wife has shown discomfort with the extra weight OP has.

This isn't solving the problem. This is ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.

I'd urge you to take a step back and consider that you have your entire life to figure this out.

It sounds like we've talked you down from the edge of secretly gaining; in the same vein, you can consider this an opportunity to do research about gaining healthily and otherwise engage with your kink in a way that won't compromise your partner's trust in you.

Just remember that even if you can't work through this in the next couple of days, weeks, or even months, that still leaves plenty of time for you to experiment with this in the future.

I understand if it's hard to consider denying yourself this indulgence for long, but in that case you need to find ways to cope with it. If you need to fantasize and get your rocks off on your own to keep a clear mind about this, so be it. You can't change your urges, just the way you direct their energies.

Some of it will depend on how you want to engage with the force feeding kink and/or BDSM. You can have much more comfortable positions, like being on your back propped up by pillows, if you aren't worried so much by physical restraint and domination, instead relying on verbal "coersion" or "punishment/reward" play.

Remember that force feeding doesn't just have to be about having your face pushed into food so you have no choice other than to eat--it's about entering a headspace where you give your partner control of how much you eat. The method is secondary to that.

For more specific advice, consider some foods like popcorn, pork rinds, or rice if you don't want to use cake for your face-in-food style sessions.

You can also try funnel-feeding if you haven't already; shakes and smoothies are incredibly filling, and you can be lightly tied to the headboard of your bed to give your partner control over how much you drink.

I'd talk about it with them and verbalize my appreciation for seeming to indulge your kink as they have. Staying quiet will probably frustrate and confuse you more in the long run, and may indeed make them feel like their efforts, if flirtatious, are fruitless.

That conversation could also be a good time to talk about boundaries and expectations, and you can also ask if there's anything you can do to return the favor.

I'll note that many practices provide teletherapy, and in my experience that's more convenient anyway. But I digress.

OP, your wife's disdain for her body is something you can only help with by accepting her choices over the matter.

I understand the conflicted feeling you express. But every person has their own reasons for wanting to gain or lose weight. My partner is accepting of my kink and we enjoy it in what ways we can, but health issues make losing weight the better option long term. Their weight loss hasn't impacted our relationship negatively, and if anything it's something to bond and cheer them on about.

I'd suggest thinking hard about whether you really would be that devastated if your wife lost weight or if this emotion is just a run-of-the-mill aversion to change. If I had to guess, you'll both end up just fine.

Found a link to it via curvage:
tubepornclassic.com/videos/148210/ilsa-harem-keeper-of-the-oil-sheiks/