GoddessRandi:
Trans woman here 🙋‍♀️

Figured I'd weigh in on this since I have some first hand experience from a couple angles/aspects

To start, I started out as a feeder before i came out and transitioned and after became a feedee.

For me, I always wanted to gain and even from a young age I found myself really wanting to be a fat woman. I did try to gain at one point but so much of the weight distributed to masuline areas and without breasts to compliment the belly i was getting it triggered (what i now know was) dysphoria. At the time i resigned myself to being skinny/fit as a guy to avoid the discomfort it caused.

Growing up in a very queer oppressive household, i developed quite a bit of internalized homo/transphobia, so it took years to break that wall down and understand why i felt the ways I did.

In the time I had dated pre-transition, i found myself often dating bigger women and participating as a feeder, but it was an extremely vicarious experience every time. I found myself constantly thinking things like i wish i could have her body and i wish someone would feed me like I'm feeding her. It was my way of coping with not being able to be in their position at the time.

After transitioning I now find myself gaining and exploring being a feedee more and more and it feels more right. I feel like me and i no longer have that vicariousness to my experiences like i used to.

The other way i feel i have related input is through some of my experience dating men and the work I had done as an online dominatrix.

Being trans i have found that often the guys i attract for dating as well as the clients i attracted when doing online sex work (mostly sissies) often are attracted because they have a latent desire to be more feminine themselves. Guys I've dated have asked if they can try on my clothes, expecting me to be a safe space for them to explore and help them feel comfortable in doing so. The sissies I've worked with are often too closeted to allow themselves to experience being femme and want someone to "force feminize" them so they can relinquish the burden of overcoming their internalized trans/homophobia.

My last piece of input is fat can be extremely feminine feeling, especially once on hormones. Like when i feel my soft thighs i have now its extremely validating in my feminity. Not saying i don't still struggle with dysphoria anymore when gaining, but its a mixed bag at times and partially fights with the touch of body dysmorphia i struggle with.

Hope this helps y'all understand it from the perspective of a person who has lived it and taken the time in therapy to unpack a lot of it!

Harleen Zaftig:
As a hypnotist who helps people find themselves through fantasy fulfillment, I've seen a good number of people come to Me convinced they were just a feeder (I've even had a person come to Me as an out-and-out fatphobe), and over time they discover (without My pushing, obviously), that beneath it all, they really just... want to be "that fat woman" *themselves*.

What are your thoughts on feeders who discover that they're actually gender-queered feedees themselves?

Canuck:
i have been a part of various kink communities over the decades, and i would agree with your assessment - compared to others, feedism has a higher degree of masc-identifiying participants transitioning to something else. either gender-fluid, or transitioning (either in reality or in their fantasies) into the bbw that they idealized.

i guess i have experienced it personally, to a degree. while i have no intent of transitioning, as i grew from a fit feeder to a ssbhm feedee, gender play definitely became a part of my sex life with my partner. soft, fat flesh definitely leans to being more feminine than taught, lean muscle (i know some bhm will bristle at this, lol). pecs turn to boobs, all of that... when my partner shaved off my body hair, it became even more apparent the growing (pun intended) similarities between my fat body and bbw partners i'd had in the past... and that was a turn-on for both me and my partner.

my theory is that it is all related to the deeply-programmed societal relationship of soft voluptuousness being seen as feminine.... and as these gender standards start to change and shift, it will dissipate. i am a bi-guy with a trans partner, so i see it happening, but it will take a few generations to sink in... so maybe when i am in my 80s?

interesting topic! i wish we had some polled stats to look at to see how kink communities trend.

Roundpiggy:
Might not be for everyone, but it is an awesome choice, and have one’s own set of tits and lovely curves is so much fun.

Actually OP, you might consider a new file about it, and see how many see the light.

Plumper356:
Idk if this fits the forum but it can be removed if it isn't. Lately I've not been feeling well about my self worth as a bigger guy. I know I can change things around it's just that it'll take time to do so.

This year my resolution is to start taking better care of myself regardless of weight, just every time I look in the mirror I get hit with a wave of depression when I see myself naked. Anyone else struggle with this and have advice?

TonyMangioni:
It just seems like a way to wriggle out of the same sort of accountability y'all expect from the people you describe, that's all. And if they see you refusing to accept accountability, why would you expect them to? It's a great way to keep the culture war going forever, but not a great way to heal its divisions and move on to the class war that's keeping us all down.

And what's the root of it, really? I know people on both sides of this culture war, and the biggest reactionaries and the biggest wokes are just mirror versions of each other, doing the same things for the same reasons, and justifying it with the same sorts of lies they tell themselves. One kind of wishes it was possible for them to both lose, except they both already have lost the class war, and this is how they've chosen to lash out instead of doing anything productive about it.

No hate to anyone, I am new here so maybe I haven't seen all the context or whatever. But the broader debate about this particular term bugs me because it puts the lie to the principles of sexual liberation and bodily autonomy that I actually do support.

TonyMangioni:
Then insult them on the basis of their reactionary politics, not on the basis of how much sex they aren't having. Calling them incels just legitimizes that reactionary worldview and concedes that it's reality.

TonyMangioni:
Aren't they shamed for being ugly and/or living in their mother's basement too, though? I mean, if we're going to do radical left stuff, let's be consistent.