I had someone message about where to find the blank kink jar template of the pictures on my profile so thought I’d post it here for all who might be interested. I think it’s handy to put on our profiles to see a little bit more what makes us all tick! (Or not so much)

feedism.neocities.org/explore/jars

And my jar links (also in my pics folder)

drive.google.com/file/d/1meBu2Tx3QFSWh0fonOD9oRuHX_U1gH5n/view

drive.google.com/file/d/1OvG-JbHV7ErLJRuvz4g9s9GhrcAc90-a/view

As others have said I think it varies greatly. I filled out the “kink jars” on my profile which I thinks really helpful in letting people know what you like and what isn’t really your thing. Personally teasing me about how big I’ve let myself get is the main one!

Really well put!

I would love there to be more research into it but I am convinced there has to be genetics and a cross over of nurture/nature dynamics.

Haha! Legend! Thank you ☺️ Literally spoke to someone who said they were sorry and accepted it, said they wouldn’t do it again, then did the same thing less than 24 hours later. 🙄

Been speaking through my frustrations with “Chaz” (My much more manageable name for ChatGPT) and maybe I’m just looking for more than most of the people in these spaces are either capable of, or want themselves.

I’m not satisfied being used as a place for someone to protect their fantasy onto anymore. The thing that actually affects me is mutual attunement - emotional, intellectual and erotic connection all tied together. Feeling seen as a whole person, not just a body/project/role.

The kink side matters to me, obviously, but it only really comes alive for me when there’s depth - humour, curiosity, emotional safety, mutual fascination and some genuine connection underneath it. Otherwise it just feels empty pretty quickly.

Once you’ve experienced that kind of mutual attunement it becomes very hard to feel fulfilled by interactions that lack it.

Unfortunately it’s incredibly rare to find that. I should be grateful I got that at all. So - do I carry on wandering the kink space like the John Travolta meme 🤷‍♀️ or remove myself from this space altogether - which is a shame after only recently accepting and embracing this part of myself, or just take a break?

For me, it’s the other way around. The more I have a connection with someone if they push that narrative of “you need to be more than you are” too much it just puts me off. Especially when it’s all about how much better I must have been 50lbs more knowing for my health, I can’t go there again - that’s upsetting for me in particular.

But ultimately it’s about balance. Like, I don’t mind the language where it calls for it in play but it being the centre of everything, especially being compared to the old/better me. I can’t relax knowing I’ll never be “good enough”.

Just have a think people about how it might come across to the people you’re talking to in their particular situations.

That’s partially why I’m posting this because I think the majority of the time people don’t intend to make you feel bad.

It does need some awareness tho because it happens all the time to me. It seems to be the only narrative, which also gets a bit boring honestly.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit praise based aswell. I respond more to “look how fat you’ve gotten for me” than “get fatter for me”

But yeh you’ve said it right there. We’re humans behind all this

I think there’s such nuance in dom/sub dynamics it would depend on what that looks like to you and your sub. Communication is key.

Like personally, most of the time I like a soft dom who is going to encourage and “hint” at punishment should I not obey or become a little “bratty”. I am also into a little forcefulness sometimes and humiliation, but in those cases aftercare is important (online aswell as irl) where there is a connection to avoid feeling used or experiencing “sub drop”

So best advice, discuss boundaries and turn ons/offs/safe words before you engage and it can be the safest and most fun place to be 😉

Bit of a rant, because I’m exhausted with this.

Maybe it’s just me and my unique situation, but I can’t be the only fantasy feedee/fat girl who isn’t actively gaining to exist in this community? Someone who enjoys this space to be teased as they are now and not for a “potential”?

I’ve touched on this before but it’s all I’m getting at the moment. It’s driving me nuts.

“You look good but you’re too small”
“You must have felt sexier when you were bigger”
“I wish you’d go back to that size again”
“You’d look so much better bigger”

The list goes on.

It’s the equivalent of a “normal” girl being told she’d be so much better if she was thinner and you’d be gutted if she put on any weight.

It’s so triggering for me - it’s saying “you’re not good enough” too fat for society, too thin for my kink. It’s absolutely exhausting.

Yes for those gaining it’s different. And for me in role play or something getting temporarily bigger where I would indulge in the fantasy - fine. But the incessant “you’re not enough, bigger, fatter = better and more worthy” and it’s chasing a never ending, unobtainable goal.

It’s the main reason I end up taking breaks from these spaces because it’s so exhausting - never being enough.

Does anyone feel the same? Surely this isn’t exclusively to me and my situation?

I do wish I hadn’t repressed and ignored those feelings for so long. I think in my 20s I didn’t know what the hell I wanted and I never expected I could be in a place where I accept this side of myself and even explore it with a partner.

I never had a discussion of any sort when I got with my now husband about likes or dislikes. That’s on both of us I suppose.

Now I’m 40 I know myself so much more, and know what I need to be truly happy in a relationship. Whether that can evolve in my relationship or have that side of me be met elsewhere somehow without it causing issues within the marriage remains to be seen.

Right now I feel a bit lost with it all!

It’s interesting people mention Violet Beauregarde and other characters in childhood as the cause, but I would frame it as the media that made may people realise they were wired this way. Earliest memories I have were being fascinated by bigger bellies, stuffing pillows up my shirts etc.I think it’s always been there from the beginning