Sounds like permission to me haha.

Searching for the movie in question didn't give me anything about a movie on an actual island, but it did bring up a movie that I'd never heard about until now called City Island about the secrets that a family keeps from one another.

Apparently there's a subplot in it involving the family's son and his interest in BBWs and the BBW model next door; and apparently the director was *adamant* about the woman cast for the role being really, truly, a BBW:
www.salon.com/2010/04/12/de_felitta_9/

This is beyond cute. I'm so glad things are going well!

I would prefer if a fix went a step farther and made it so that clicking on any conversation wasn't all it took and you had to also send a message for it to count as one of your 5; it's a bit annoying when you're trying to go back to a conversation to look back on something that was said. But I understand that the site needs to draw revenue somehow.

Let's not talk about the sexism of assuming there are fewer female FAs compared to the "sexism" of asserting that a lot of women have had bad experiences with men in the past.

Instead I'll actually support my argument with facts. The gender ratio between men and women isn't evident only on this site. I took 5 minutes just now to make a Match account and look at what my area looks like. There are around 1500 men in my area seeking women and only 500 seeking men. The ratio is about 3 to 1.

If I go on Feabie, for online users globally, there are around 3600 men seeking women and 1200 women seeking men. Again, around 3 to 1.

Even if I change my filters on Feabie to specifically look at the ratio between male feedees/BHMs and female feeders/FAs, I get 1200 men and 400 women. 3 to 1. (EDIT: For completeness, there are 1500 feeder/FA men and 500 feedee/BBW women online on Feabie at the current moment, so don't begin to make the argument that women are more likely to be feedees than feeders.)

If you're right (and I don't know how to confirm whether you are) and there are 10 active men for every active woman on this site, consider the possibility that it might actually get so bad for women that they do decide their kink isn't worth the toxicity they might face here and, yes, go somewhere else. Feabie. Match. Hinge. They might even *gasp* date offline.

But I don't think that's the case. I'm much more inclined to believe the 4:1 ratio on this site.

All that aside, there are two critical things that need to be said, repeatedly, it seems.

First, just because there are more men doesn't mean women are swimming in matches with people they like.

Second, if a guy is honestly depressed about loneliness and the difficulty of finding a connection, that's something they can (1) talk to a therapist about and (2) work on by improving themselves and, you guessed it, "compete harder." You wouldn't date someone who didn't meet your needs. No one else will either.

If you see a problem, identify a cause and propose solutions.

There aren't many women active on the site? It's not because there are more men than women in the world. It's not because women want to stay single. It's because the internet and dating sites by extension are a hostile place toward women in general.

If to "compete harder" means making a safe and welcoming place for all people based on a minimum level of appreciation for people, their boundaries, and their individual desires, then yes, it will help.

No one is saying women don't have the advantage of a larger pool to choose from (though more doesn't always mean better). I suspect you'd find the same thing happening across all dating sites and apps.

Your metaphor, however is quite unfair.

(1) People aren't products on a shelf or to be delivered. Relationships aren't transactional. There's no set of actions or price anyone can pay that will guarantee a real connection.

(2) Some people, rather than having free home delivery, face annoying door-to-door salesmen or worse. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate.

Besides, the point of this conversation shouldn't be "girls have it so much better." It's, "what can fat guys do to stand out in a sea of other fat guys." Nothing changes from bemoaning the numbers. Life's unfair. But there are worse cards to have been dealt than "dating is hard."

There's a fun, counterintuitive mathematical reason for the large disparity between the number of likes/engagement girls and guys get.

Let's say there are 5 people on the entire site: 4 guys and 1 girl. Each person, for whatever reason, will only give 1 Like. We'll also assume that these people are all straight.

The guys all give their Likes to the 1 girl. The girl will pick 1 guy out of the 4 to give her Like.

On average, the guys all have 0.25 Likes each. The girls, on average, have 4 Likes each.

Thus in this dating pool with an unbalanced gender distribution, the smaller population has, on average, 16 times more Likes than the other population.

If the ratio of guys to girls were different, you'd just square it to find the disparity; 2 guys to 1 girl would be 2 Likes for girls and 0.5 Likes for guys, or 4 times more likes for the girls. A gender ratio of 3:1 would result in a Like ratio of 9:1.

A quick binary search for the number of profiles girls vs guys have on this site shows about 12,000 girls' accounts and 48,000 guys' accounts. Even if we say most of those are inactive, the ratio gives us an insight into the ratio of actual, active users; namely, 4 guys to 1 girl.

So if you see that girls have more than 10 times the number of likes, comments, etc. compared to guys, this is why. It's not entirely up to standards or taste or whatever other excuse or justification some men use to be toxic. It's just math. You want to find a connection? Show that you're worth being that 1 Like out of 4.

Thanks for the communication! Y'all are great.

It's my pleasure to talk about the things that interest me hahaha.

For his goals, I don't have any advice for what you'll do when you get there, but you'll find lots of people sharing their experiences and lifestyle tips around extreme obesity. For now I'd encourage you to set attainable intermediate goals so that you both have something to celebrate on the journey to the point of his immobility. I'm going to assume that he isn't close to that point yet and the little victories help motivate long term growth like that. And make sure to regularly update his wardrobe; as fun as popping buttons can be, nothing puts a damper on gaining like restrictive, uncomfortable clothing.

As for not liking stuffing, if his goal is long-term weight gain then honestly it might not even be that big of a deal, assuming neither of you want to pursue it. Weight gain comes from habits, not occasional overindulgence, and stuffing to the point of discomfort isn't for everyone. Hopefully you do get to the point though where you're both comfortable talking about it with one another in depth; again, that'll just take time and practice communicating with one another.



That makes two of us, haha!

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this, but I think you were in the right here, Jsmjsm. A relationship is more than just sex. And from your second post it sounds like this is something she initiated. I think it would be hasty to judge that you had convinced her into this as some of the other posts imply.

I'm going to proceed under the assumption that she wanted to try to have sex with this other man in the first place and that's why she brought it up, and in the end you enjoyed it more than either of you expected.

The fact that you were both communicative enough to negotiate this with mutual consent is a good sign for your relationship; it seems unlikely that your fear of losing her over this would come to fruition as long as you continue talking about these things in the future and respect each others' boundaries.

I will gently suggest another alternative to leaving cuckolding in fantasy only. There are many people who are in relationships with someone with whom they don't share every kink and fetish; there are plenty, like me, who are on this site because our partners don't have an interest in feederism but are supportive of us pursuing it in more than just fantasy.

ENM can allow people to explore those tastes. It seems you're already practicing it, at least a little, if you and she agreed on her having sex with another man. You can apply the same to cuckolding. Talk to her about your options for exploring this kink with people outside of your relationship if it turns out to be something you can't just leave in fantasy without distress.