If you see a problem, identify a cause and propose solutions.

There aren't many women active on the site? It's not because there are more men than women in the world. It's not because women want to stay single. It's because the internet and dating sites by extension are a hostile place toward women in general.

If to "compete harder" means making a safe and welcoming place for all people based on a minimum level of appreciation for people, their boundaries, and their individual desires, then yes, it will help.

No one is saying women don't have the advantage of a larger pool to choose from (though more doesn't always mean better). I suspect you'd find the same thing happening across all dating sites and apps.

Your metaphor, however is quite unfair.

(1) People aren't products on a shelf or to be delivered. Relationships aren't transactional. There's no set of actions or price anyone can pay that will guarantee a real connection.

(2) Some people, rather than having free home delivery, face annoying door-to-door salesmen or worse. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate.

Besides, the point of this conversation shouldn't be "girls have it so much better." It's, "what can fat guys do to stand out in a sea of other fat guys." Nothing changes from bemoaning the numbers. Life's unfair. But there are worse cards to have been dealt than "dating is hard."

There's a fun, counterintuitive mathematical reason for the large disparity between the number of likes/engagement girls and guys get.

Let's say there are 5 people on the entire site: 4 guys and 1 girl. Each person, for whatever reason, will only give 1 Like. We'll also assume that these people are all straight.

The guys all give their Likes to the 1 girl. The girl will pick 1 guy out of the 4 to give her Like.

On average, the guys all have 0.25 Likes each. The girls, on average, have 4 Likes each.

Thus in this dating pool with an unbalanced gender distribution, the smaller population has, on average, 16 times more Likes than the other population.

If the ratio of guys to girls were different, you'd just square it to find the disparity; 2 guys to 1 girl would be 2 Likes for girls and 0.5 Likes for guys, or 4 times more likes for the girls. A gender ratio of 3:1 would result in a Like ratio of 9:1.

A quick binary search for the number of profiles girls vs guys have on this site shows about 12,000 girls' accounts and 48,000 guys' accounts. Even if we say most of those are inactive, the ratio gives us an insight into the ratio of actual, active users; namely, 4 guys to 1 girl.

So if you see that girls have more than 10 times the number of likes, comments, etc. compared to guys, this is why. It's not entirely up to standards or taste or whatever other excuse or justification some men use to be toxic. It's just math. You want to find a connection? Show that you're worth being that 1 Like out of 4.

Thanks for the communication! Y'all are great.

It's my pleasure to talk about the things that interest me hahaha.

For his goals, I don't have any advice for what you'll do when you get there, but you'll find lots of people sharing their experiences and lifestyle tips around extreme obesity. For now I'd encourage you to set attainable intermediate goals so that you both have something to celebrate on the journey to the point of his immobility. I'm going to assume that he isn't close to that point yet and the little victories help motivate long term growth like that. And make sure to regularly update his wardrobe; as fun as popping buttons can be, nothing puts a damper on gaining like restrictive, uncomfortable clothing.

As for not liking stuffing, if his goal is long-term weight gain then honestly it might not even be that big of a deal, assuming neither of you want to pursue it. Weight gain comes from habits, not occasional overindulgence, and stuffing to the point of discomfort isn't for everyone. Hopefully you do get to the point though where you're both comfortable talking about it with one another in depth; again, that'll just take time and practice communicating with one another.



That makes two of us, haha!

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this, but I think you were in the right here, Jsmjsm. A relationship is more than just sex. And from your second post it sounds like this is something she initiated. I think it would be hasty to judge that you had convinced her into this as some of the other posts imply.

I'm going to proceed under the assumption that she wanted to try to have sex with this other man in the first place and that's why she brought it up, and in the end you enjoyed it more than either of you expected.

The fact that you were both communicative enough to negotiate this with mutual consent is a good sign for your relationship; it seems unlikely that your fear of losing her over this would come to fruition as long as you continue talking about these things in the future and respect each others' boundaries.

I will gently suggest another alternative to leaving cuckolding in fantasy only. There are many people who are in relationships with someone with whom they don't share every kink and fetish; there are plenty, like me, who are on this site because our partners don't have an interest in feederism but are supportive of us pursuing it in more than just fantasy.

ENM can allow people to explore those tastes. It seems you're already practicing it, at least a little, if you and she agreed on her having sex with another man. You can apply the same to cuckolding. Talk to her about your options for exploring this kink with people outside of your relationship if it turns out to be something you can't just leave in fantasy without distress.

The only other advice I can give is to take your time, then; I'm still a fledgling in a lot of ways myself, though I've been lurking for quite a while. The longer you stay in the community and explore what it has to offer and the different viewpoints and perspectives people have, the better you'll be able to articulate for yourself and your boyfriend how you want to pursue feederism. Likewise, it will take time to develop that mutual trust. You've both already gotten past the enormous hurdle of one of you coming out of the closet, as it were, on being interested in feederism; congratulate yourselves and look forward to taking each next step one at a time.

And don't hesitate to post any questions you have on specific things as they come up and talk with people who are experienced. (I'm surprised Munchies hasn't chimed in yet, as she gives good advice and is a pretty experienced feeder.)

I'll ask some questions here if you don't mind sharing on your and your boyfriend's behalf. Do you know what his goals are as a feedee? Any specific ones, like a target weight? General ones, like whether he pursues weight gain for the physical attractiveness or to pursue the excitement of taboo? You mentioned also that he isn't a big fan of stuffing. Is this something he wants to work on but feels ashamed to partake in?

Welcome to the community! I hope you find the answers you're looking for and that you enjoy your time exploring it all.

Ultimately the best authority on how to go through this are you two. There is no right or wrong way to be in a feedist relationship so long as you're both consenting and enjoying it. Talk to one another about what parts of this you enjoy, look forward to, and want to try out.

That said, it always helps to show your appreciation and love for him at all points through his journey. The stigma and judgment fat people face isn't trivial, and even people who enjoy humiliation for their weight gain can be vulnerable to insecurities, especially when their close friends and family are involved. Your main job as a feeder is to provide a safe space for your feedee to explore and express themselves.

And don't forget yourself and your desires in this arrangement. It's unclear from your post, but if you know there are certain aspects of feederism you enjoy, talk to your boyfriend about them and see if you can explore them together.

Bottom line is to stay safe, communicative, and consensual. And have fun!

Clicking on a conversation with a deleted account, which (as of a few months ago, at least) will not contain any messages to be seen anyway, will still count as one of your conversation views. Could this be changed?

Speaking from experience, communication is easier said than done, especially with people we care about. It can feel like we are putting everything on the line when we speak our minds and ask challenging questions, like one wrong word could bring our whole world down.

Just remember that love isn't just built around communication; it survives it and thrives from the challenges we pose each other by being vulnerable with one another. You say you mean a lot to her; so trust that your relationship will endure a wrong word or an awkward conversation and come out better for it in the end.