Glitter Jelly:
Maybe you're right, but I need to wear large sometimes and I do have a belly roll between my waistband and breasts which is quite noticeable when I bend over or squat.
Even when I was thin, my thighs and arms would draw attention to the fact I once was much bigger because they didn't skrink so much as became empty and saggy. With my breast (I suspect because of the elevated prolactin), my legs and upper arms were the first place that the fat went back to.
At my thinnest (90 lbs), I almost had a thigh gap, but I'm not sure people could see it. I just felt my thighs weren't rubbing anymore. Now they seem to rub even more than when I was 40+ heavier, and they touch almost down to my knees.
This not only makes me look out of proportion, it changed the way I walk because they get in the way of one another, if that makes sense. I've seen someone describe this as thighs "rolling" against each other.
Because of this I can't walk as fast as just 20 lbs ago, which I didn't expect to happen that quick.
I bet my fat % is close to what it used to be because when I was obese I was carrying all that weight around all the time so you have to have muscle. When I lost half my year in a little more than a year, I lost a lot of muscle too and I didn't get most of it back as I hate exercise.
I have years of trauma related to PE classes that I need to address with a therapist before I can start moving a little. Otherwise I have to bully myself into doing it, and the inner talk isn't healthy to say the least. It's probably the ED voice because even I wouldn't talk to myself this harshly.
Munchies:
Yeah, this is definitely the trauma and the ED talking. I know you are having hormone issues. But there are a lot of people outside of this community who find women like you attractive.
This, of course, does not excuse the perv being gross and creepy.
Still, I strongly recommend you speak to a therapist. I wish you nothing but the best on your healing journey.
Glitter Jelly:
I was supposed to address this in therapy but when they subjected me to an "expert" evaluation (I'm on sick leave for burn-out and depressive symptoms), the original treatment plan went haywire when I started having more frequent suicidal ideas.
I still don't know what is going to happen. Waiting for that doctor's report, which will determine if I'm mentally sick enough to receive disability income, is definitely not helping my mental health.
Pain and suffering. I'm glad you are getting some help, even though things feel like a hot mess. Sometimes, progress can feel like chaos, but it is still progress.
I have noticed that you've been negatively hyper-fixating on your body image recently. Are you okay? Are you safe?
