Delta9:
From another point of view:
A person's body can change a lot faster than their partner's preferences can keep up. Small changes are bound to happen slowly over time. That's just the process of aging and everyone knows that. If you're really in a long term, committed relationship then I think it's the responsibility of both partners to accept and account for this reality. No one stays young forever.
However, when you make the conscious decision to drastically change your body in a way you know won't be attractive to your partner, a person who you supposedly care about, I think it in some way violates the implied terms of the relationship. Nobody wants to sign up for one thing just to get the bait and switch later.
If I love my partner, don't I have some responsibility to at least try and maintain my body in a way that will be attractive to her? And of course there are any number of ways a person can change themselves, not just getting fatter or thinner. Drugs and alcohol are another way of destroying your body.
If you choose to put yourself and your own desires before your relationship and your partner, that's fine. It's not a wrong decision. But maybe you should talk to him first or simply end the relationship instead of leaving him stuck with someone he doesn't think is attractive anymore, forcing him to make the choice to leave or not.
Munchies:
Not you likening weight gain to substance abuse.
That's not cute, sweetie.
Look, if someone gains or loses a lot of weight by choice, but those gain's aren't impacting your life significantly, then that person is shallow.
If you are in a relationship that's based on being active or you are neglecting your relationship in favor of getting fat, that's one thing. But if the only thing that's changing about your relationship in a number on the scale, then the person who wants to leave is a shallow piece of crap.
BigBallBellyGirl:
Oh, dang. Absolutely.
Look... my fiance likes me as an SSBBW, but when I gained 80 pounds in two months, I had some health symptoms that scared us both. We talked about all my options, including weight loss. I asked him how he would feel if I chose that route. His reply was, "It would be an adjustment, but I'd rather adjust than know you were unhappy, scared, or sick. I'm in this with you no matter what."
Likewise, a major turn on for him is stuffing me to extremes. We can't do that regularly though. I'd be bed-bound in no time. Even though we miss it, because we consider it a sexy aspect of our relationship, we have found other things we enjoy that don't bear the same consequences. I'm pretty thankful he finds different aspects of me attractive, not just my size.
Munchies:
Yup. Every time I call someone shallow for this, someone will always say "oh, but it's fine to be shallow in a relationship."
No it's not. And anyone who think it is has never been in a healthy, emotionally mature relationship.
There's nothing wrong with having a preference. Everyone has them. But if someone who claims to love you finds your weight gain (or loss) repulsive, then that person never loved you at all.
X_Larsson:
Your view keeps being very one directional, and repetitive. To a feeder, and to a feedee, gaining CAN be a key element to the attraction and important to the relation and dynamics. Period.
So, your posts, heavily saturated with a certain view on things, are, and remain, your opinion.
It is getting boring to see you stomping in to these discussions, and preach your views over and over. Because they are your opinions, and yours only, and they are not some ultimate truth.
Other people obviously have quite different, well founded views on these topics.
Have you ever been in a healthy relationship? Feedist or otherwise?
I am legitimately curious.
