Munchies:
Not you likening weight gain to substance abuse.
That's not cute, sweetie.
Look, if someone gains or loses a lot of weight by choice, but those gain's aren't impacting your life significantly, then that person is shallow.
If you are in a relationship that's based on being active or you are neglecting your relationship in favor of getting fat, that's one thing. But if the only thing that's changing about your relationship in a number on the scale, then the person who wants to leave is a shallow piece of crap.
Delta9:
Yeah, I figured you would have something to say.
People have a right to do whatever they want with their own bodies. Including leave relationships they aren't happy in. To some people physical attraction is a big part of that. (Not making any moral statements about whether that's good or bad)
There may be any number of other reasons people are unhappy in relationships including a partner's or their own changing habits and lifestyle.
But I think that intentionally doing things you know will make your partner see you as unattractive is in some way disloyal to the relationship. Everyone has a different tolerance for what they're willing to accept. For some it may take something extreme like substance abuse, and for others maybe it's a number on a scale - shallow or not.
Also I think that sometimes when a person decides to let themselves go as we say, what they really mean is they are letting go of the pressure and responsibility to please their partner because they're giving up on the relationship in some way.
If OP really wants advice whether or not to gain, I'm sure the opinions coming from this particular site will be heavily skewed towards gaining! Seems to me more like looking for support on a position already chosen. I think OP is likely already dissatisfied with said relationship and that's why strongly considering "letting go".
Would you be with someone who couldn't love you if you got fatter??
My opinions have nothing to do with whether or not OP gains. I don't care if they do or don't. That's up to OP, and I make it a personal point to never recommend someone to gain or lose weight.
Once again, substance abuse and getting fat are not the same thing. They are not even close to the same thing. And it's disgusting you'd even compare them.
Have you ever seen substance abuse up close? It destroys everyone and everything around them. There's a lot of lying, cheating, and stealing. You watch the person you love's body disentigrate in front of you. It's bad. And in some cases, if you don't leave that people you will die.
Compare that to getting fat. Unless you become obsessed with wieght gain or are doing it in an irresponsible way, it effects no one. I can understand if the gains are majorly impacting lifestyle, but for the average person, getting fat is an aesthetic change.
Now, circling back to my original point, it appears that you and I agree on most parts of this. Where we disagree is the part about how it's your responsibility not to bait and switch your partner concerning intentional weight gain.
If you know you plan to be 500 lbs and lie to your partner so you can date, that's one thing. But if you are in a relationship, and discover you want to get fat, that's not a bait and switch. That's you discovering something about yourself.
If your partner isn't into or open to feedism, and you know it's something you need to be happy, then you are sexually incompatable. It sucks, but it happens. No one is necessarily at fault here.
However, if your partner doesn't want you to gain weight because "fatties are gross" then that partner is a fatphobic piece of trash who can go fall in a hole. If your value to someone is tied to a number on a scale, that person is trash. That person never loved you.
So whether or not OP decides to gain is besides the point. They know their partner wouldn't want them if they got fat. That's a partner that doesn't love them.
