I still do alright.
3 years
Evil exists in a million different forms. You've seen at least a few of them by now. This is the story of the Devil's Toast.
It was Tuesday. Ten minutes before midnight as you do, you get some food. But what does one cook at this ungodly hour? Something elaborate, something special?
You could, but no. You're going to do something simple. Toast, butter and that's all you need. You trust yourself, it's just toast right. What could go wrong. The bread goes in the toaster, the slider gets pushed down. The wait.
Waiting for toast is like waiting for water to boil sometimes, but you know that. The waiting continues until it's over. Done. The toasted bread pops out and it looks fine.
Take it out, hot but not too bad. The stuff goes on the plate and you put the butter on. Easy. Done it countless times and nothing has ever gone wrong. Not since your earliest memories.
You remember. The time you put that big old chunk of butter on the toast and pushed it straight through, you were only seven. The embarrassment of that memory and how your Dad had to show you what to do stuck with you. You'd never mess toast up again.
You swore it.
Snapping back to the now, you admire your work. Kooks good, smells better.
Walk back to your chair, put the plate on that brown, flimsy folding table beside you and lean back. Grab the toast.
Take a bite.
How were you to know the thing was cursed. The first bite crumbles to fine dust in your mouth and rushes down your throat as you panic. It not something wanted to do but the unexpected just showed up to ruin your night, you panic.
The offensive dust blocks your airway, You can't breathe. Nothing to drink close by, the cough starts but the Devil's toast seems to have changed into cement in just a few seconds.
No air. No way to breathe.
Desperate, you try to calm down and make it to the kitchen, grab a glass and fill it with water.
You don't know if this will help. So you put it in your mouth, but not to swallow. No, that's a risk. For all you know the water could make worse. Expelling the water into the sink, it works.
Most of the dust comes with it, you can breathe. Air's never felt so good, but the coughing starts now. Body rejecting the invasive dust, all of it.
You cough until a little blood spills into the sink, but its calming down, you feel almost normal again. Gasping for breath, you look back into the other room. The rest of the wicked toast, just sitting there.
Mocking you, daring you to eat it. You're tough right. You're not going to let a tiny piece of bread beat you. Come on, try again, do it.
The voice of the toast echoes in your brain but this time you get smart, you are wise and the toast is just bread.
You walk into the room and toss the bread into the trash, the plate almost goes with it.
Sitting in your chair, you realize just how close to death you might have been. You wonder who would miss you if you died. Who'd laugh at your funeral if they learned you were beaten by dusty toast.
Not today, those are thoughts for another time.
You were almost another victim of the Devil's Toast.
3 years
About 105 on average.
3 years
No.
I'm tired of it. He's attacking good people.
It's gotta stop.
3 years
Oh we have a problem but...uh...I don't think it's what you guys think it is, not right at this minute.
I think it's time we come together as a community to do something about it.
3 years
qtpie8124:
How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?
junebug10:
Like others, I just want to thank you for this post and the subsequent discussion because my relationship with this kink has always been inextricably linked to body dysmorphia. While becoming aware of my sexuality, I had to navigate the conflict between my fantasies/desires and the seemingly irreconciable shame and insecurity I felt around body image. To be frank, I still struggle with this.
Part of me would love to "let go" and gain, but I know in reality I could never be truly happy in the body I fantasize about. Starting in middle school, patterns of disordered eating emerged; I binged and purged, restricted food, exercised to burn off what I allowed myself to eat. In high school I still binged/purged but it was much more infrequent and I was very conscious of caloric intake, though ate more regularly. As I've gotten older, those more extreme urges have lessened and I mostly find some days I scrutinize food choices or calorie consumption more than others. Nevertheless, body image issues remained a constant.
I should mention that I struggle with depression and anxiety, social anxiety specifically, meaning fear of judgement is an onerous specter which plagues every decision I make and filters my perceptions with, at times crippling, self doubt and criticism. It ebbs and flows in intensity, some days I feel great about my body and there are others where I feel like an unworthy piece of crap who shouldn't burden people with the mere site of her. Suffice to say, the psychological aspects of this fetish are incredibly complex for someone like me.
I'd love to have a feeder girlfriend to encourage me to eat what I want and however much I want, but I know that can never be a reality (save for intense and successful therapy or perhaps a brain injury which magically cures me of my anxiety). I suppose I reconcile the fantasy with that which can never be by reading the stories on here (though a number of those pose some difficulties as well, given the sexist and problematic tropes prevalent in some stories) and clothes padding to look/feel bigger at least temporarily. There's a certain degree of confusion when contending with this kink and those moments of shame and/or panic when I weigh a pound more than I did the day before.
Ultimately I think it's a conflict I'll always deal with, one which makes me feel like I don't belong in this community or even on this website. However, it's certainly nice to know I'm not alone in difficulties reconcialing this kink with experiences of body dysmorphia.
My apologies for the long ramblings!
You belong here.
3 years
You're looking at it the wrong way. You need to improve yourself first. Confidence, man. All those guys rushing up are doing it because they are terrified they'll get left behind or forgotten.
Just be yourself and chill. if they talk to you, fine. If not, cool.
Get a hobby. Be interesting. Have goals, ambition.
To be wanted you need to have a reason for people to want you.
Be the signal light, don't be the bug.
3 years
It's not great but...all of those guys buying the drinks, that drink is usually just water.
You just need to know what to do.
3 years
No.
I seem to do alright.
3 years
