qtpie8124:
I meant to change the title, maybe body dysmorphia and kink would be better.
So I chat to some folks online and someone requested a video of me doing some situps and squats. I was able to complete them with minor struggle but the playback horrified me. I couldn't believe how fat I looked and I immediately started to cry, panic attack, hyperventilation etc. Before the pandemic I worked out five times a week and was so much more active. I felt strong and capable in my body. Seeing myself on camera like that made me realize, I think, that I really don't want to actually gain and I felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I had been telling myself it's ok to indulge because of this kink, tying to love the belly because I felt like I was supposed to feel good about it because of the kink, and I guess I did in the moment. And I respect other people's decisions to go the whole nine yards but fuck it just hit me how fat I'd become and how much I was letting myself go...for sexual gratification. Which is like everyone's wet dream for obvious reasons but I am obviously not ready to keep going down whatever road I'm on.
How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?
I understand what you mean and have even felt that way myself. I love fat and gaining and have gained almost 100lbs over 7 years; which I know isn’t quick. I feel I sometimes get sucked into listening to what other people want for my body; with comments like, “you’d look great at 350lbs, why don’t you gain another 10lbs etc),
especially since I post photos and I am relatively active in the community.
It can be difficult when it gives me such sexual gratification but I find I have to regularly step back and remember what I want. At the end of the day you have to live in your body. For me I regularly go to the gym and eat relatively healthy as I found a lot of my body dysmorphia was intensified by back pain and generally feeling sluggish from eating junk food.
I still try and indulge and stuff occasionally but I am really trying to unlearn the cycle of binge eating and enjoying getting fatter then feeling awful and trying to eat low calorie, unsustainable diets on repeat. It’s a slow process but you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day.
