I'm not even remotely surprised that you took the time to go through my post history specifically to find something in which to assassinate my character and deliberately ignoring the context of those conversations. So who's doing the judgment now?

You said it yourself. You hadn't even seen the movie. Everything I discussed had to do with your own words and I didn't even need (or have any desire to) go find more information about you because quite frankly your own behaviors showing quite well here.

My comments were not at all meant to be heated with you. I never once judged you. I simply pointed out how we are conditioned to think a certain way and if you aren't willing to challenge that well I'm not at all surprised that you're eager to find something that aligns with you retaining the reality as you see it instead of as it actually is.

Also let's not forget that you were the one who escalated the thread because you took offense to something I literally didn't even say. All I pointed out was that the term we used was fatphobic and I explained why. You were the one who took it as me saying you couldn't say it when I never said that. Doesn't sound like my problem at all🤷🏼‍♀️

None of the changes the fact that describing yourself as "healthy size" is inherently fatphobic regardless of your intention (which I never stated was a bad thing because I knew you didn't mean it that way).

Have the day you deserve ❤️

Where did I judge you? I'm simply asking you questions. Based on your own information that you provided.

You yourself said initiated your conversation with no other information that that you called yourself a healthy size at a previous point in your life. You then went on to explain after I stated that describing ourselves as a healthy size or not is fat phobic and why, I literally never said you couldn't do it. I was just pointing out how insidious languages how much it seeps into our subconscious and we don't even think about it.

I then asked you questions. If you believe that size is determinant of health, and your kink is about people being a larger size that you buy your own definition to find as unhealthy, and you're not willing to explore the root of that so you can engage with it without causing harm to other people including yourself, where did I judge you?

I didn't. You said that all yourself. I said nothing about your character I simply asked you to follow your own logic. That's okay if it's something you're not ready to answer for. All you have to say is dang I gave you something to think about and I hope I did.

We could all use with a little bit of education on how to safely engage with a fat kink and understanding the fat phobic roots that can intertwine in its foundation. Both can exist but not until people are willing to have honest conversations with themselves. That's what I mean by a majority of fetishists are actually just fat phobes.

I didn't say you couldn't. I literally said that ascribing your health to your size is by definition fat phobic. Size is not a determinant of health. And it really should make you think twice that if you get off on people being unhealthy by your own definition why you want that. Couldn't possibly be that there is a superiority complex where fat people are inferior right?

In your first post you didn't say that you had all these other medical conditions, you said that you were healthy size and that was it. People get high blood pressure and severe depression and all sorts of other things whether or not they are fat. So was it really the fat make you unhealthy?

A majority of fat fetishists (*particularly* ones who have never been fat) are inherently fatphobic and/or center their fetish around it. So yeah. The parallels aren't remotely surprising because any fat person in could tell you that we experience it all the time *in the community*

Using the term "healthy sized" is actually fatphobic. Size is not determinant of health.

Y'all I'm begging you to look into this and start understanding just how insidious fatphobia is. It making your no-nos all happy doesn't mean you aren't fatphobic internally or externally. Honestly a LOT of the stuff involved in this kink is inherently fatphobic (and that's a discussion for another day about how we safely engage in that without causing further harm because it can be done!)

I don't know how to make it more clear: fatness was used as an *object* to process one's internalized homophobia. That means the movie sends the message that being fat is bad and only a sign of self-hatred and that the fat person is not worth being seen (the main character teaches on Zoom with his face obscured). His family is awful to him. It literally demonstrates that being cruel to a fat person "for their own good" is warranted. I'm not sure how much clearer it can be.

The point is that the story itself it fatphobic. Eg that fatness is equal to internalized self hatred. It's irredeemably bad.

It is *horrifically* fatphobic. The writer uses a fat person as a analogy to processing internalized homophobia. The story is a guy eating himself to death because he lost his partner. In the end the "whale" is shown as thin and happy.

Even just using a fat suit on a non-fat actor is inexcusably fatphobic.

It's awful.

You can make it a video and still put it on da. There are a few audio makers that do that.

Otherwise your best bet is Twitter depending on the length or downloadable platforms like gumroad etc

Honestly, take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. Of course people who truly are just comfortable as they are exist in public and are also members here, but many aren't even if they say they do. There's nothing wrong with either of them.

The key is to work on your internalized fatphobia and insecurities that get intertwined with it. Our culture is *HORRIBLE* to fat people (and quite frankly many fetishists are also). The fact that you don't feel as confident as others in public is a reflection of that, not of you.

Even the concept of being "confident" in ones body, as a fat person, is fatphobic (we certainly don't often describe thin people that way, do we? or someone with a new haircut? not with the same meaning, at least!).

"Acceptance" is a better word and a more attainable goal - permission to just exist as a fat person. That your body is just what it is and there's nothing wrong with yours or anyone else's.

When you accept that you have permission to just exist as you are, and are able to give yourself that love and space because you *know* you deserve it, that natural, non-kinky, non-fatphobia-centric confidence will arise naturally.

The best part is that you already have it! It's not something you're missing. It exists in all of us. It just takes a lot of healing and granting ourselves permission regardless of society's approval standards are to access it.

I met someone who very well could have been. Unfortunately I was deeply betrayed. So I'm indifferent at best to finding a life partner here or really anywhere. But I'm definitely still interested in making friends and play partners and overall being part of the community.