johnxyz:
What bugs me, is that when I state that I prefer larger women, people either ask me why, or try to figure it out. If I said I preferred blondes, no one would ask me why,

CreamFilling:

But why do I get hatred from men when I say I want to lose? I'm aiming ultimately for 300. That isn't big enough for them. That's wrong too. What I do with my body is my decision. Right now I want to gain weight. Later I want to lose it. Then maybe do some more gaining.

SlowLikeHoney:
I wish there was more honesty about the unfortunate reality of losing weight in this community, generally speaking. It's not something any of us look forward to, but sometimes it must be done, and it sucks to go through it "alone."

I've been in and out for years (I work with kids, so I always keep a level of anonymity and mostly stay on the periphery) and am unquestionably a feedist. I couldn't shake this kink if I tried. To have been told, at various points, that I am a "poser" for not wanting to gain any more, or losing for health reasons, is disheartening. The general attitude and policy in the community toward the dreaded D word--"the world is full of diet propaganda, don't bring that here"--is an understandable one, but I think it also further enforces the "gain or gtfo" mentality.

I totally get why this place is a safe space for body positivity and think that absolutely should be protected. But there are also many of us in this community who decide to drop a few lbs for various reasons--ranging from "doctor's orders" to "I felt more like myself at (x)lbs"-- and, in doing so, experience feelings of depression, anxiety, or even grief over having to override our kink impulses. That kind of thing really splits the brain and heart in two, and isn't exactly something you can bring up at a weight-watchers meeting. Fellow "dieters" who have always been at war with their fat don't understand what it's like to give up something you love, something that defines a significant part of you, for a deeper purpose.

It would be nice to see a normalization of these realities via acceptance, and an increased variation in what these fetish-related terms mean. I may not be gaining currently, but no one will ever tell me I'm not a feedee. In my heart, in my mind, from the first time I heard the term and learned what it meant, I knew it was the missing link; the spark that ignited the formation of my sexual identity when I had all but assumed I was asexual. It is who I am, even if it manifests in different ways as I try to find the sweet spot between my fetish and my other goals/dreams.

I'm not saying active gainers should have to put up with former gainers whining about dieting all over the site-- I can see how that would be ANNOYING, lol. But maybe a separate section of the forums-- hell, even a single thread-- for those of us who have been forced into retirement or are taking a "time out" would be a great way to be more inclusive, and send a message that there are all types of feedists. When we "practice" our fetish, and when we don't, we do it for our OWN happiness, and no one else's.