Fantasy Feeder

Need advice on a guy

Reflection Of Perfection:
Well this was a complete trainwreck.

I enjoyed it greatly. Jolly good show

🤣

What if, stay with me here, you didn't treat women as objects of entertainment?

2 years

Startnew:
I only read your profile because I wanted to get a better feeling of where yiu were coming from with all of your preconceptions. And I think I know now. All that need to reaffirm that you are confident, when it should be a given, all the assumptions about my own self-esteem... lots of projection going on here. Good luck with your writing, hope it gets better.

My "preconceptions" are based on lived experience. That is where everything in this came from. It came from learning from past experiences. It comes from the *basics* of understanding relationship dynamics, how fatphobia works, and why insecure people do certain things. Your situation, as you present it, bluntly, is not all that complicated. You sought advice from people who had experience. I am one of them. I shared it.

Going into my profile so you can say "Well what aobut THIS about you?!" isn't seeking to understand, it is seeking to under*mine*. If you truly wanted to understand, you would be open to others' input and feedback, even if you ultimately disagreed. But that isn't what's happening here.

And my profile isn't the subject of the thread, nor should it be.

2 years

LoraDayton

Need advice on a guy

Startnew:
Look Lora, I dont understand why this is warming you up so much. I never said I "solely wanted male attention" but even if I did, so what? Nothing wrong with that. That's not even what I said, however. I just said it would be interesting to get a male perspective too.

You literally said that you'd heard from enough women and asked for men to jump in the conversation.

Additionally, I'm not sure why you believe I am angry? I have never even expressed my own emotion here. I literally have none with regards to this situation. I am just a verbose person.

Startnew:
Second, you are the one deciding this "WILL hurt me" and that it will "prevent me from finding the right guy", when in fact I am not looking for any guy at all.

I also did not say that. I said engaging in a situation like this prevents you from having genuine and respectful interactions with others who would actually appreciate you. That in no way implies romantic attachment.

There's a reason I worded it that way. Because ANY relationship with someone, of any kind, platonic, sexual, romantic, familial... all require respect. That includes the one with yourself.

Once again, you are putting words into mouths that aren't there. Learn to take words at face value.

Startnew:
Third, you havent even read what he writes. How would you like people to judge your erotica novels without reading them, just because someone who judges so much cant have fun and erotica is supposed to be fun? Or telling yiu that, because of your negativity, you are just fooling yourself into believing you are happy with your size, which is what you claim on your profile?

Gee, you are giving this guy a lot more attention I do.

Well well well, there it is. The whataboutism. Fishing for details in another person's profile - which is not a representation of them as a whole person - to personally insult them because you don't like what they have to say.

I understand that this feedback isn't pleasant to receive. But I've never insulted you, and it's interesting that you're accusing me of giving your guy more attention than you have, when no one here would know he'd exist if you didn't bring it up. And, really, it's you who is getting the attention.

I wonder why, when you receive feedback you don't like, you then resort to personal attacks on others?

The only person being negative here, is you. Everyone else, even though it may not feel like it, are being supportive. Or trying to be. But the line is drawn when you choose to lash out about things you have not tried to understand.

Nobody here is upset about anything, except you.

2 years

LoraDayton

Need advice on a guy

LoraDayton:
for what it's worth, words on the internet are subjective to individual interpretation (most of the time, not always lol) so I hope you understand that I'm trying to offer my responses from a place of empathy and I'm not at all trying to come down on you or anything!

We all deserve casual fun if that's what we want, but it shouldn't be at our expense, which this guy is doing. Regardless of your emotional feelings toward him as a person, it's definitely possible the reason you sought advice from this community is that you still knew something wasn't right about the situation, and it's not. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, listen to it!

It won't be fun for long and I can't stress enough that continuing to engage with him in that way will only result in pain for everyone, especially for you because you are accepting his behavior. It's not about the infidelity but simply about the way he speaks and behaves about fat people: you already know he does not have respect for us as a whole. Choosing to engage further with him, even and especially "just for fun" leaves less room for genuine engagement with people who actually respect and appreciate fat people.

If you're not doing this for him, you're doing it for you (which is a good thing!!) but what I'm saying is that this is definitely not a good situation for you.

Startnew:
Thanks but really, I think you are overeacting. I was just curious about his attitude. I find sometimes people make mistakes in good faith and probably that's what he is doing. If you grow up in a world where they tell you that making fun of fat people is ok, a mild joke on fb will not seem like a big deal, so probably that's the place he is coming from. But he still likes curvy or even BBWs or he wouldnt talk to me.

As for me wasting my time. I dont want to be the one who is overeacting now, but why assuming I MUST find someone? Being a gf is not for everyone, it can be extremely boring. Some people are happy being single, whereas others just think it's better if it happens naturally rather than us (especially the girls) being on the lookout.

Thanks anyway for your time.

I'm going to be blunt: you are putting words into mouths that no one is saying and openly stating you solely want male attention, then coming here asking why a man is giving you half-assed attention. No one is "over reacting" eg there is no outward pouring of emotion here. You are placing your need for validation onto the shoulders of men who will not even validate themselves. This is bad for you, objectively.

I never said anything about anyone *having* to be in a relationsihp; I literally validated the fact that you don't have to be. But respect is STILL the foundation of *any* interaction with someone regardless of its depth and you WILL get hurt if you do not accept that standard for yourself.

You are hurting yourself now by refusing to listen to what people are telling you. You are still shouldering the responsibility for this married dude who is fatphobic and reading into actions and between lines for him and excusing his behavior. You are doing his emotional labor for him because that distracts you from doing yours for yourself. You asked for advice and you got it, but it's not hte advice you want. Because it's not advice you want, it's validation. They aren't the same thing.

Just because his behavior may have reasons, valid or not, doesn't excuse his actions and how they can and do harm you. It doesn't give him permission to treat you that way and yet that's exactly what you're doing.

That's your choice. I am just pointing out that it WILL harm you.

2 years

LoraDayton

Need advice on a guy

for what it's worth, words on the internet are subjective to individual interpretation (most of the time, not always lol) so I hope you understand that I'm trying to offer my responses from a place of empathy and I'm not at all trying to come down on you or anything!

We all deserve casual fun if that's what we want, but it shouldn't be at our expense, which this guy is doing. Regardless of your emotional feelings toward him as a person, it's definitely possible the reason you sought advice from this community is that you still knew something wasn't right about the situation, and it's not. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, listen to it!

It won't be fun for long and I can't stress enough that continuing to engage with him in that way will only result in pain for everyone, especially for you because you are accepting his behavior. It's not about the infidelity but simply about the way he speaks and behaves about fat people: you already know he does not have respect for us as a whole. Choosing to engage further with him, even and especially "just for fun" leaves less room for genuine engagement with people who actually respect and appreciate fat people.

If you're not doing this for him, you're doing it for you (which is a good thing!!) but what I'm saying is that this is definitely not a good situation for you.

2 years

LoraDayton

Need advice on a guy

The jokes being mild do not mean they are less harmful. They are still fatphobic and him actively using them and others around him tolerating and accepting it means there is room for them to be *more* harmful later. That is to say, there is no such thing as a mild fat joke.

Whether or not you have feelings for him, it may be worth exploring with yourself why you felt the need to come here for advice about someone you don't feel all that attached to

2 years

LoraDayton

Need advice on a guy

He's inconsistent because he's married, insecure, and fatphobic. His own behavior is right there in front of you. It doesn't matter if you or anyone else you know is the butt of the fat joke; they are by definition at the expense of all fat people, and you are one of them so it is also indirectly at your expense. He chooses to devalue people like you publicly for all the same reasons anyone (including and ESPECIALLY many fat fetishists) is fatphobic. Many people who fetishize and/or are attracted to fat bodies are angry about it and so you will see behavior like this.

It has nothing to do with you.

I've had two very distinct situations in my life that reflect what you're experiencing here and I can't stress it enough: he's unavailable and if that changes, it's not going to be because of you trying to do the mental and emotional labor for him.

You do not need to prove your worth to others who choose to openly devalue you. Maybe he really does like you! Maybe he doesn't and he's just confused and frustrated. Him being married makes it even worse and harder on everyone. No one gets out of those situations unscathed. No one!

But facts are facts and it's not your job to read his weak, stale tea leaves.

2 years

LoraDayton

Mental health comfort eating

I dealt with binge eating from a very young age (started around 12) due to intense trauma, but it made me feel awful about myself, not better. It was simply the only thing about my life that I could control and that brought me consistent and reliable pleasure; food. Still deal with disordered eating issues on and off as an adult and only now at 35 do I think I'm finally getting a handle on it.

I actually wrote about it more recently at length if you want to take a look
loradayton.com/2022/11/18/i-have-something-to-confess/

2 years

LoraDayton

Best restaurants for secretly feeding your date

CuppaJoe:
I also love the idea of doing this without the feedee knowing which place is next... You'd have the excitement of consecutive public feeding sessions, as well as the feedee's excitement of what place comes next!

I actually have a fantasy involving this! Having a feeder send me on a scavenger hunt of sorts to cafes and dining establishments or just taking me to them. Standard servings and snacks throughout the day but just getting more and more full as it goes, without knowing what or where is next!

2 years

LoraDayton