I am not a good representative for that. You see, despite my general demeanor, I look a lot younger than I actually am. This leads me to often being seen as a work daughter. So they keep feeding me.

I've gone home with bags of snacks more than once.

Husband wife shenanigans.

Plus it's not as simple as getting enthusiastic consent. There's power dynamics and conflicts of interest to keep in mind too.

So while there are ways to make it work, it is a very careful game you have to play. You have to keep everything above board as it can impact both of your career paths. It can determine which departments you can work in, what promotions you get, or what teams you work on. I've seen some jobs that make you sign paperwork when it gets serious.

And don't even get me started on the potential fall out if it doesn't work out.

This isn't any shade towards you, Anjou. You and your husband seem to have a lovely relationship. But as a fellow former HR rep, I'm sure you have seen more failures than successes.

Your average fat person doesn't sound different from your average thin person. And it is next to impossible to tell a person's size over the phone.

Some people may develop respiratory issues, but this is not guaranteed. Most of the highly obese people I know in life do not sound any different unless they've been moving around.

It can be, and I am shocked that you were unaware.

I remember this one job I used to work at. This was in person before the plague. We had a high turnover, so there were a lot of male new hires who came through.

I got hit on a lot. It was gross. It was creepy. I felt so unsafe. One time, a supervisor in another department started hitting on me because he liked how I filled out my clothes (I was dressed modestly, but I am still a curvy woman.)

I reported him to HR, and he was fired shortly after. I found out through the grapevine that he would hit on his subordinates a lot. Several women had reported him, but nothing was done until he stepped outside of his department to hit on me.

I've worked in HR before. Once in a call center and once in a University. I can promise you that you can be disciplined if you hit on someone and they report you to HR. I've seen demotions, suspensions, and terminations.

Please tell me that you aren't doing this to your coworkers because that is classifiable as sexual assault.

And yes, this happens to men too. I had a work buddy who's female boss kept hitting on him. Woman would not take no for an answer. It nearly became a lawsuit for creating a hostile work environment, so the company fired her.

The issue is you looking to "subtly encourage" her gains.

Do not do this. Unless you have the other party's enthusiastic consent to indulge your fetish with them, that is harassment.

I see where you are coming from. But I do want to add some nuance to this. This is not a critique of you - just something I've noticed during my time in the community.

The real "anti-dieters" (if you can call them that) are that ones that eat for their enjoyment. I've seen many a gainer/feedee approach weight gain in a way that makes crash dieting seem more pleasant.

I call them the min-maxers. It's a video game term where you try to get the max amount of results for the minimum amount of effort. But when you translate that into weight gain, you end up with sick, miserable people.

They will eat some of the least appetizing combinations while constantly pushing themselves to the very limit just to get fatter. And when they do gain weight, they are too preoccupied with gaining more to even enjoy their progress.

I'd suggest that these people are definitely dieting. It's just that the numbers on the scale go up instead of down.

You don't. You keep your inside thoughts inside, mind your business, and leave that poor woman alone.

And if you can't find it in your heart to be a decent person, then do it for self-preservation. Because she can report you to HR for harassment and that may end up with you being promoted to customer.

Yup! They are called fat furs. They're a pretty large subgroup.

Well, that's not true. Anyone with breast tissue may have cone-shaped boobs. This includes cis women.

But you may need to make your peace with that and make modifications later on.