BigBallBellyGirl:
I need to find a new cardiologist. I didn't exactly handpick mine. I had a medical emergency 13 months ago, and she performed my emergency triple bypass. At the time, I was over 600 pounds. Following the surgery, I was able to get down to 555 - 560, but no matter what I did, I couldn't keep the weight off. I settled around 585 for a while. Last December, I got married, and I did indulge on my honeymoon, although I only had one true stuffing. By New Years, I was back at 600. I decided I was going to focus on clean eating (lean proteins, vegetables, salads, lots of water) and activity to the extent that I'm capable of it. I've stayed on the bandwagon (until today) with the occasional treat a time or two a week (and by that I mean a piece of pie, not the whole thing). I also stay within maintenance calories.
Nevertheless, I'm gaining weight. I have a very large girth, well over 100 inches around standing. That limits my mobility in the extreme, and I can't stand for long without my walker. My husband helps me d sitting exercises every day, but I just don't have a big range of motion. I'm about 646 at the moment. I don't have lymphedema... I'm just... FAT.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with my size. I actually like my appearance. But I know I have to control my weight, or I could easily be unable to leave the house in a year, maybe less. I definitely don't want that.
My last appointment with my cardiologist was in January, and I was about 600 pounds then. She doesn't have a scale that can accommodate me, so they asked me to estimate my weight. I know exactly what I weigh, and I was honest. She commented on my weight gain before asking anything else. She didn't ask how I was feeling, about my breathing, about my control over my diabetes. She went straight for extra weight and reacted as though I was 200 pounds heavier, not 40-something. Even worse, when I told her what I eat in a day, she refused to believe me. My eyes were stinging with tears the whole time, because I know the truth. I'm not a liar. Otherwise, I would have put 600 down as my weight and not admitted I'm heavier. I quickly got around to refills of my medications, and left. I'll also add, my glucose was 125 and my BP was 140/100, which Is high but pretty reasonable for someone who is super obese, so no alarming indicators based on my actual health.
This evening, I spiraled. Despite my sweet husband trying to distract me, I ordered 5 Big Macs with extra cheese, 2 Crispy Chicken sandwiches, 2 fish sandwiches, 40 chicken nuggets, a milkshake, and a large Coke. I ate all of it, and I felt nauseated, I think because I'm no longer used to eating greasy and fatty foods or consuming so much sodium. It's also unlike me to eat out of sadness. When I was gaining, stuffing was always a happy and festive occasion.
My husband is encouraging me not to guilt myself and reminding me we can reset. And I'm going to ask my primary care doctor for a referral to someone new. I just wish medical professionals didn't take such delight in admonishing, and I wish she had believed me when I told her the truth.
It sucks when medical providers have shit bedside manner. How you treat your patients greatly impacts their care. It would have been more helpful to get to the root of the issue and not berate you.
I'm sorry, love. You do not deserve that.
((