Well, I'll answer this as someone who has been through being a feeder. I'll also suggest the best way, in my opinion, that this can be done, since i like pretty extreme stuff myself as a feedee
(so yeah, i know how both POVs might feel)
As a feeder i whould definitely try to make my feedee happy. I whould not do something in my feedee without communicating it and her agreeing on it. That's not that i whouldnt push her even if she was uncomfortably full, but only if, she accepts, preferably if she *specifically* enjoys it. That's only during feeding tho, that's really important because we may had lives outside of kink, where things whould be very 1 to 1. In other words, my feedee whould also be my girlfriend. I'd also whouldnt accept doing certain things to her, even if she was okay. For example i whould never damage her. I whouldnt hit her or something like that, even in bdsm terms, because I whould not be capable of doing that, emotionally speaking. Theoretically speaking I'd also not do anything that she'd only accept to make me happy. Altho in real life, i dont know how i whould differentiate if she's honest with it or not.
As a feedee things are much different tho! (munchies might know! , also congrats for 1k forum posts)

I don't think I'd like anything other than fantasy, that's for many reasons including ideological ones, but fantastically speaking, a realistic scenario is that i whould be under the care of a dom feeder lady who whould, in fact, care for my feelings, but since im really extreme asba feedee, she whould do bad things to me. As long as I'd enjoy. But that's it. She could condition me to like anything (feederism related) and as long as i didn't feel uncomfortable at anytime, that whould be fine! She whould still care for me as a person, but i whould definitely like it if she forces me to get fat. In other words, what whould happen is something I'd like. But she whould do it to me in her own terms.

*Edited part because i forgot*
Okay so i actually do have a negative experience. I was talking with an other Greek feeder lady, for momths, and she was actively encouraging me, a bit forcefully too, to gain for her, to wich initially i was happy to do! (i must also say i was pretty immature, worse than now for sure) i felt really good, then really bad, and asked to stop, she was fine with that. I restarted again a week later. The same thing happened 3 times. At some point we even started planning an irl visit. She wqs also way older than me, but i was fine with that too. I was slowly realizing that i didn't like the situation as a whole. I didn't know what was bothering me exactly so i couldn't figure that i wanted to stop either.
As a feeder she did allow me the space i needed. That's very good from her part. So at some point i realized i was excited (okay fine... horny) all the time to the point i couldn't function as a person. Part of me apsolutely liked it! An other part of me hated it! Things ended up badly, i think entirely to my fault. I didn't knew what i want. She ended things with me about a year ago. So that's my negative experience, altho as a person she really cared! Moral of the story, be very carefull when picking your feedee! 🤣
*end of edited part*

So how can you care about your feedee's feelings best, imo?
Clear, and effective communication. Talk about what scenarios are okay, or not and why. Also try to account that the feedee is also a person and what they like might change. Or even that they might feel... horny, during that conversation and migh accept to something they didn't mean to. Or maybe they didn't know they're not gonna like it in the first place!

Also trying to see ahead of what might be uncomfortable, will definitely help to some extend.

And something third, wich is way more philosophical, but i dont think I've read anyone saying it clearly, try to think your role as the following:

You take pleasure by abusing the fact that what you like to do something onto someone that likes you to do it into them!

Is it moral? (i dont even wanna answer here 😂)
Is it wrong? Well, it seems unclear, but if it's with honest and truthfully consent, it's perfectly okay, for you and your feeder
It does have positive and negative effects.
*However*
And that's totally my, smart-ass, that nobody is going to like, opinion, but actually practicing this, is going to have effects outside you and your feedee. Effects that you might not care at all about. But that doesn't mean they're not gonna be there.
I shouldn't analyze my ideological stuff here, but if anyone is curious, please... Please! Feel apsolutely free to ask me personally! I'd love to provide food for thought!

Anyways thanks if you read it all, i hope i delivered my points clearly!

Out of curiosity, are you in a situation where you both don't want to get fat, (as it doesn't suit your life) but at the same time get aroused by it? Asking since i think im in the same spot so i might be able to help a bit! o.O

And communication too!! ^^

Okay, after reading the hole thread and trying to comprehend what's going on, one thing that has come to my mind is that...
He may have poor focus cababilities. For example, when he is texting with you he might be aware of your size and thus put, more effort than usual, into being respectful about your size. I have no idea, however, about in what context he makes jokes about fat. For example, what jokes exactly are they? Is it on other people that he is friends with? Ect.
That could explain the inconsistent behavior. I don't want to get into any more stuff, as the two ladies here already have done, but... maaaybe it whould be a good thing, depending on your interests of course, to seek out a more genuine form of fun. That's if he is rightout cheating on his wife tho.
An advice I could give is that you ask him directly what's up with these jokes, hopefully he will answer honestly, but don't commit yourself that he's gonna be honest,
Anyways this thread seems to be kind of boiling. Just keep in mind that what you read doesn't always represent the intended expression of the writer! 😂
(oh and that's what emojis are for)

As munchies said, putting it on YouTube is a risky business. And if you follow Lora's advice you'll be more safe from having your real identity revealed.
If you want my opinion, you could try something that's a bit unorthodox. Instead of uploading on YouTube, you could try to upload in safespaces (like FF, feederism discord servers or even make a private Instagram and direct people there) altho it's gonna be more time consuming, and that's something to consider. And if your Instagram gets banned for example, you still have your FF and discord accounts and you can keep posting there. I don't know if it will give you the same thrill however, but maybe it can be an even safer path!
Honestly I'm curious, what do you think?

As an ex-feeder turned feedee, (haha i did it! ) and someone that has been an on and off, from this fetish, i am very shy about being a feedee, i have told my best friend that i explicitly like fat girls and making them fatter, but that was a while ago when i was still a feeder, still true to a very light extend tho. But i haven't told him that i became a feedee and don't plan to, as this is something personal that im sensitive about :o
When i told him he was a bit curious but that's it, he didn't criticize me or something and he is still my best friend. I suppose if you have a reason to tell someone, including if you just feel the need to open up, do it! After all your fetish is... natural, for you.
I also wanted to say my opinion about the "my sex life is none of anyone's business" so...
*Opinion Part*
Its a bad attitude. Because no, as long as you're having one (or more) partner you have sex with, it's their business too, and besides it doesn't matter. It's your private life, you can say litteraly that, instead. It's more informative. Plus less rude.
And this "none of your business" extends beyond private life anyway.
But yeah it's an interesting topic!

Damn! Im pretty sure someone has trained him for that tho! ;D

Okay the title had to be this short so I'll explain bellow:
When you think about a subject, do you generally tend to oversimplify it, or you try to hyperanalize it? That is, do you think about things with simplicity, or you think about them in terms of complex systems?
I'm really curious about it, because, I've realized it's something that has caused a lot of confusion when i talk with other people here. And im really curious to hear to what anyone has to say! I hope this thread will spark a healthy debate over the topic.
On that note i tried to write it as objectively and unbiased as i can, but i definitely have a side on that.
So, what about you all? Where do you belong in this spectrum?

You can wonder all you want about that
---*or*---
Just tell her / communicate it to her like a decent person...?

That's really hot imo! :3