I guess I have a similar story. I find missionary to be difficult if she has thick thighs due to the angle needed to go deep. I know that a firm wedge shaped pillow would help with that, but that's not always feasible. I was dating a girl (she was around 390 lbs) who at the time, we were both living separately with our families, so finding a place for a sex pillow in what is basically a communal space wasn't going to work without inviting questions. One night she was in a bad mood, but I don't remember why. She wanted to do missionary (which was unusual for her since her favorite position was doggy), so I tried for a minute, but I wasn't able to make it work very well.

I asked her to rotate 90 degrees and hang her legs off the side of the bed so I can get better leverage. She told me she didn't want me to do that because her cats were on the floor nearby and she didn't want me to disturb them. I promised to be gentle with moving them, but but it didn't matter because the cats had right of way in her eyes. I asked her if she could just flip over and do doggy instead or really any other position, but she refused. Then she told me that since she's gotten so fat she literally can't have sex anymore, then she really needs to lose weight. She said it in an accusatory manner because she knew I liked her being big, but there was no actual argument there, like I had never tried to convince her to gain weight or anything since she wasn't a feedee. Would it surprise you to find out that we aren't together anymore? lol

Mika - Big Girl (You are Beautiful)
The Grateful Dead - I Need a Miracle
Spinal Tap - Big Bottom
Nicki Minaj - Anaconda

There are so many songs about big butts, but no songs about big tiddies. This is terribly unfair :'(

Humans are sexual beings. Your sexuality is important to you, just as hers is. You need to have an honest conversation with her about this before the marriage and figure out how you can scratch this itch without asking her to gain weight or binge eat. If you're in a situation where you have to completely suppress your sexuality to be with your partner, you are going to build up resentment over time, and that is going to have some bad consequences later if you keep those emotions bottled up, probably tanking the relationship. Even if you think you're good at hiding your emotions, you aren't, and that's going to make her feel terrible as well.

It sounds like you're already starting to feel some, since you're already hoping for her diet to fail, or for her to lose motivation and gain weight back. You're putting yourself in a position where you are going to be disappointed and frustrated when she succeeds at what she needs for herself. Instead, you should assume the worst-case scenario for you is inevitable, that she will keep the weight off, and continue losing more until she is skinny, and stays that way into old age. You should also assume that your desires aren't going to change or grow less intense over time.

What then? Can you find a creative way for you to have your sexual needs met in this scenario while staying faithful? Possibly through roleplay? Whatever you figure out, you need to talk to her about it and make sure she is on board and you are both on the same page. You also don't want to develop a coping mechanism that she's going to be upset by if she finds out later on her own.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you having a relationship dynamic like the one you described if that's what you like. I guess what I don't understand is why it would be impossible to maintain a balance with the outside world? Going by discussions on fetlife, it seems there are a lot of people with these sorts of lifestyle D/s dynamics who manage to make it work. It's all about compartmentalizing how you are at home from how you are outside, and you'll have to "perform" being human some of the time. There might also be some subtle ways for your partner to remind you of your role when you're out together that won't draw attention.

No, it's not totally scientifically accurate. It's also impossible to get data like that. However, I don't think that on its own completely invalidates the results, this is a lot better and more accurate than merely speculating based on anecdotes. Just take it with a grain of salt. The way I see it is that it gets closer to the truth than we can get without it, but it doesn't fully arrive.

If you're not on Feabie, here's how it works. When you create a profile, one of the fields is "body types I like". There are several options and you can check multiple. The options are thin, average, toned muscle, thick/curvy, slightly chubby, chubby with a belly, pear-shaped chubby, chubby all over, and super chubby. Basically, chubby is their lingo for fat. The vast majority of women's profiles I've seen have filled out this field because it helps with filtering. When doing a profile search, you can select "only members who like my body type". That is unfortunately the only option related to this. I actually can't search multiple body types at once, or even body types that aren't mine. It just so happens that "chubby with a belly" is the one I selected for myself when creating my profile. This search is the best I can do with the tools that are available.

Out of curiosity, I did a search on Feabie for women who like men who are "chubby with a belly", and got 7,793 results out of a total 19,424 women who like men in general, making it 40.1% of the total.
I repeated the same search on Grommr for men seeking men with the same body type. It returned 23,921 out of a total of 50,186, or 47.6%.

OP does have a point. Not only is the percentage higher for men by almost 8 points, but the gap between 7K women and 23K men is huge. It's no surprise that more men are in these communities than women, and combine that with women generally not making the first move and being more cautious than men online, and they're going to feel rare in comparison.

I'm addressing this to people who say they love contrast. I'm curious as to whether the contrast is actually what most people here are into, or if it's just a preference for a partner of a particular size. Maybe I'm way off base, but I get the impression that with many people who say they love contrast, it's just a way to reframe their physical attractions around a secondary effect that they like.

I suppose what I'm trying to get at is, if you're fat and prefer thin partners for instance, do you prefer thin partners because there's contrast? Or do you enjoy the contrast that happens because of your attraction to thin partners? Would your preference change if you were also thin, or would you still prefer thin people regardless of there being no contrast?

A lot of people will feel like that after Thanksgiving dinner, and they call it a "turkey coma". Although, the actual cause of it has nothing to do with the turkey itself. Try having a turkey club sandwich on any other day of the year and tell me if you feel comatose.

Here's my theory. From what I've read, the way memory works in your brain is by creating a neural pathway for the event. The more your brain travels that neural pathway (the more you think about it), the stronger it gets, and the easier to access next time. This is why people can easily forget what they had for breakfast yesterday, but they still remember things they had to memorize in school when they were 10 years old, even if it's knowledge that they don't find useful in their daily lives. In the first example, they only thought about it while it was happening and never returned to that neural pathway, whereas in the second, they had to think about it a lot, so they permanently made that memory strong in their minds.

I think fetishes work in a similar way. They create a neural pathway of a trigger, like 'fat = arousal', and the more that gets triggered in their brains, the stronger that connection becomes. Your interest in it may come and go (just like you can go years without thinking about a specific memory), but that connection is permanent and there's no way to weaken it. I think if you don't want to have certain fetishes, your best bet is to not expose your brain to them in the first place.

They're just stimming, lol