LoraDayton:
for what it's worth, words on the internet are subjective to individual interpretation (most of the time, not always lol) so I hope you understand that I'm trying to offer my responses from a place of empathy and I'm not at all trying to come down on you or anything!

We all deserve casual fun if that's what we want, but it shouldn't be at our expense, which this guy is doing. Regardless of your emotional feelings toward him as a person, it's definitely possible the reason you sought advice from this community is that you still knew something wasn't right about the situation, and it's not. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, listen to it!

It won't be fun for long and I can't stress enough that continuing to engage with him in that way will only result in pain for everyone, especially for you because you are accepting his behavior. It's not about the infidelity but simply about the way he speaks and behaves about fat people: you already know he does not have respect for us as a whole. Choosing to engage further with him, even and especially "just for fun" leaves less room for genuine engagement with people who actually respect and appreciate fat people.

If you're not doing this for him, you're doing it for you (which is a good thing!!) but what I'm saying is that this is definitely not a good situation for you.

Startnew:
Thanks but really, I think you are overeacting. I was just curious about his attitude. I find sometimes people make mistakes in good faith and probably that's what he is doing. If you grow up in a world where they tell you that making fun of fat people is ok, a mild joke on fb will not seem like a big deal, so probably that's the place he is coming from. But he still likes curvy or even BBWs or he wouldnt talk to me.

As for me wasting my time. I dont want to be the one who is overeacting now, but why assuming I MUST find someone? Being a gf is not for everyone, it can be extremely boring. Some people are happy being single, whereas others just think it's better if it happens naturally rather than us (especially the girls) being on the lookout.

Thanks anyway for your time.

LoraDayton:
I'm going to be blunt: you are putting words into mouths that no one is saying and openly stating you solely want male attention, then coming here asking why a man is giving you half-assed attention. No one is "over reacting" eg there is no outward pouring of emotion here. You are placing your need for validation onto the shoulders of men who will not even validate themselves. This is bad for you, objectively.

I never said anything about anyone *having* to be in a relationsihp; I literally validated the fact that you don't have to be. But respect is STILL the foundation of *any* interaction with someone regardless of its depth and you WILL get hurt if you do not accept that standard for yourself.

You are hurting yourself now by refusing to listen to what people are telling you. You are still shouldering the responsibility for this married dude who is fatphobic and reading into actions and between lines for him and excusing his behavior. You are doing his emotional labor for him because that distracts you from doing yours for yourself. You asked for advice and you got it, but it's not hte advice you want. Because it's not advice you want, it's validation. They aren't the same thing.

Just because his behavior may have reasons, valid or not, doesn't excuse his actions and how they can and do harm you. It doesn't give him permission to treat you that way and yet that's exactly what you're doing.

That's your choice. I am just pointing out that it WILL harm you.

Fat Heidi:
Guys who are into humiliation etc won't give you a true answer. They would most likely use you to make fun of you and tease / make fun of you. Just read the threads here in this "domination and submission" section. They won't tell you their true feelings. Maybe anonymouslybut not under the names they are known here. Talking real talk would destroy the images 😉

And liking isn't always "liking".

Somebody proof me wrong.

LoraDayton:
for what it's worth, words on the internet are subjective to individual interpretation (most of the time, not always lol) so I hope you understand that I'm trying to offer my responses from a place of empathy and I'm not at all trying to come down on you or anything!

We all deserve casual fun if that's what we want, but it shouldn't be at our expense, which this guy is doing. Regardless of your emotional feelings toward him as a person, it's definitely possible the reason you sought advice from this community is that you still knew something wasn't right about the situation, and it's not. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, listen to it!

It won't be fun for long and I can't stress enough that continuing to engage with him in that way will only result in pain for everyone, especially for you because you are accepting his behavior. It's not about the infidelity but simply about the way he speaks and behaves about fat people: you already know he does not have respect for us as a whole. Choosing to engage further with him, even and especially "just for fun" leaves less room for genuine engagement with people who actually respect and appreciate fat people.

If you're not doing this for him, you're doing it for you (which is a good thing!!) but what I'm saying is that this is definitely not a good situation for you.

LoraDayton:
for what it's worth, words on the internet are subjective to individual interpretation (most of the time, not always lol) so I hope you understand that I'm trying to offer my responses from a place of empathy and I'm not at all trying to come down on you or anything!

We all deserve casual fun if that's what we want, but it shouldn't be at our expense, which this guy is doing. Regardless of your emotional feelings toward him as a person, it's definitely possible the reason you sought advice from this community is that you still knew something wasn't right about the situation, and it's not. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, listen to it!

It won't be fun for long and I can't stress enough that continuing to engage with him in that way will only result in pain for everyone, especially for you because you are accepting his behavior. It's not about the infidelity but simply about the way he speaks and behaves about fat people: you already know he does not have respect for us as a whole. Choosing to engage further with him, even and especially "just for fun" leaves less room for genuine engagement with people who actually respect and appreciate fat people.

If you're not doing this for him, you're doing it for you (which is a good thing!!) but what I'm saying is that this is definitely not a good situation for you.

Fat Heidi:
Nothing to add, but I do it anyways 😉

It might be confusing but sadly true, that many who fetishize fat are indeed fat phobic. He's not worth your time but goid that he doesn't even bother to hide his real personality. Thanks god there are a lot of people out there who are able to genuinely appreciate fuller bodys *and* the person inside of it.

Startnew:
There is this guy I am in touch with on fb, who is just gorgeous. And he seems to like me too: he always likes my pix and sometimes we even sext, although it's more about exchanging flirty messages. However, when commenting fb posts on random groups, he will crack the occasional fat joke, not about me or at anyone else 's expenses, just in general. Ofc, he is married to a really thin girl, but I dont resent him for that. People may fall in love for different reasons and anyway he lives abroad. I am just wondering what could motivate a guy to act with such a lack of consistency. Mind you, my pix are recent and unfiltered because I want people to see the real ME, so he certainly noticed I am a BBW. How can you like some characteristics and at the same time make fun of them? I have slight preference for short guys, but I am nit tempted to make fun of them

Munchies:
Girl. This man is traaaaaaash. Don't waste your precious time on him.

He's a married man stepping out on his wife with a woman he doesn't even respect.

Let it go. Let it ride. Find someone else who will love and respect you. Don't settle for the first guy who pays you attention, because not all attention is good. Love yourself, girl.

LoraDayton:
The jokes being mild do not mean they are less harmful. They are still fatphobic and him actively using them and others around him tolerating and accepting it means there is room for them to be *more* harmful later. That is to say, there is no such thing as a mild fat joke.

Whether or not you have feelings for him, it may be worth exploring with yourself why you felt the need to come here for advice about someone you don't feel all that attached to

LoraDayton:
The jokes being mild do not mean they are less harmful. They are still fatphobic and him actively using them and others around him tolerating and accepting it means there is room for them to be *more* harmful later. That is to say, there is no such thing as a mild fat joke.

Whether or not you have feelings for him, it may be worth exploring with yourself why you felt the need to come here for advice about someone you don't feel all that attached to

LoraDayton:
He's inconsistent because he's married, insecure, and fatphobic. His own behavior is right there in front of you. It doesn't matter if you or anyone else you know is the butt of the fat joke; they are by definition at the expense of all fat people, and you are one of them so it is also indirectly at your expense. He chooses to devalue people like you publicly for all the same reasons anyone (including and ESPECIALLY many fat fetishists) is fatphobic. Many people who fetishize and/or are attracted to fat bodies are angry about it and so you will see behavior like this.

It has nothing to do with you.

I've had two very distinct situations in my life that reflect what you're experiencing here and I can't stress it enough: he's unavailable and if that changes, it's not going to be because of you trying to do the mental and emotional labor for him.

You do not need to prove your worth to others who choose to openly devalue you. Maybe he really does like you! Maybe he doesn't and he's just confused and frustrated. Him being married makes it even worse and harder on everyone. No one gets out of those situations unscathed. No one!

But facts are facts and it's not your job to read his weak, stale tea leaves.

LoraDayton:
He's inconsistent because he's married, insecure, and fatphobic. His own behavior is right there in front of you. It doesn't matter if you or anyone else you know is the butt of the fat joke; they are by definition at the expense of all fat people, and you are one of them so it is also indirectly at your expense. He chooses to devalue people like you publicly for all the same reasons anyone (including and ESPECIALLY many fat fetishists) is fatphobic. Many people who fetishize and/or are attracted to fat bodies are angry about it and so you will see behavior like this.

It has nothing to do with you.

I've had two very distinct situations in my life that reflect what you're experiencing here and I can't stress it enough: he's unavailable and if that changes, it's not going to be because of you trying to do the mental and emotional labor for him.

You do not need to prove your worth to others who choose to openly devalue you. Maybe he really does like you! Maybe he doesn't and he's just confused and frustrated. Him being married makes it even worse and harder on everyone. No one gets out of those situations unscathed. No one!

But facts are facts and it's not your job to read his weak, stale tea leaves.