Karenjenk:
Never in my wildest dreams or fantasy did i imagine i would end up like this.
I have struggled with gaining, mentally, emotionally and physically. I have almost completely accepted that this is how i am for the rest of my life and plan to reach my LAST goal weight within the year. 400 lbs

I like several things about my body. 1. everything about me is soft. My lower stomach feels softer than a breast and its smooth and cool.
the feeling of being so full that i cant move at all is erotic. its hard to get to this point by myself though.
shame - as much as it disgusts me to admit this.. there is a part of me that feels the need to be shamed. the way people look at me sometimes makes me wither , especially people who knew the before me. whispers about how i need to... eat a salad... push away from the table... mooo...pop... so many hurt on multiple levels but also excite me. which makes me feel worse.

About a week ago i went to a MS transition ceremony. It was a small class of about 250 students about to move from MS to HS.


We were almost late and had to sit near the front which meant walking down in front of all those people right as the music played for them to walk in.

My BFF laughed at me and how i looked. she took a pic of me while we stood up and turned to see them all walk in. Her son was in the group of graduates. she sent the pic she took of me to me and i was shocked at how gross i looked in the dress. I couldnt even blame dinner before the ceremony for making me look like a pile of different sizes of michellen tires squeezed into a light green balloon.
I fought back tears through the ceremony as she quietly apologized.. backhanded apologies are the worst.
manage to put on a smile for the kiddo afterward and tried to stear clear of the pics

Ditzy:
I have noticed gainers going all out for a year or so get to a point they just look like they don't feel so good.
Mostly the fast food junkies.
They gain a lot for sure.
I could never eat at the golden arches without getting sick so that tipped me off that something in the food wasn't right.

C00kie:
Just wanted to come and say that Munchies has highlighted something really important here. Secret Feeding is not welcome in this community as it is a form of abuse and control. We understand people may have fantasies about this sort of thing but acting on desires like this is manipulative and a dangerous dynamic to have in a relationship.

I am glad that you are ok and have help if you need it, but not everyone who is in a relationship like this has safety nets such as their own place. family or friends. So it's important that people know this behaviour is not normal or loving in anyway and a huge Red Flag.

Now that I've said that... I will try get back to your original post which appears to be about celebrating your new found fatness and self-love.

1: When did you get fat ?
I was always chubby as a teenager, and I have progressively got bigger and bigger from a youngish age.

2: How did you get fat ?
I got fat from my sheer love of food and eating. It started when I moved out to Uni and had the freedom to go out to eat, buy whatever food I wanted. I was restricted living at home as my parents were a bit frugal with food and were always trying to buy fat free versions of everything and keep their and my weight down. I love to cook, go out to restaurants, relax and snack, treat myself to fancy foods when I go shopping, I buy artisan cheese weekly for example. I find it indulgent and I guess I would consider myself a Foodee, so with that I have naturally put on weight.

3: Did you use to hate being fat ?
I've never hated myself for being fat, although I have had occasions where I don't like specific parts of my body or face. I think that's pretty normal to dislike your appearance from time to time, regardless of weight.

4: Do you love being fat now ?
I love being me... whatever form that comes in. As I have gotten older I have learned to accept myself who I am and what I like, and I don't aim to please others like I used to. I like my life and I am happy with that and the affects it ma have had on my waistline.

5: What's so great about being a fat woman ?
Nothing. Theres nothing I specifically admire about myself simply because I am fat. I am not a Feedee or gainer so being fat is not of any great importance to me... it just so happens that I am.

6: Do you have any insecurities about your looks now ?
Occasionally, but never weight related, those insecurities were long gone when I hit my 30's. As you get older you tend to care less about others good opinion because you realise the only opinion that really matters is your own.