Eh. If there's no reason to ask a question then it's never just a question. There's a purpose to the question I would hope. And if the purpose is to see someone, is that really "just" a question? That is to say if the answer doesn't matter to you then why would you ask the question at all.
(The answer is that there is no such thing as "just" a question
)
2 years
Refeed:
It's s double standard. I'm a creep without one but women can be like this even though I feel nervous about doing it. I always get the so what? Answer, so like most things it depends on the people involved.
The double standard arises when you ask at all if you do not have one of yourself. Of you would like to ask for someone's photo and you do not have any up yourself, then you offer first. "Would you be comfortable with trading face photos? I'd be happy to offer my first if you like, and I can verify it for you."
If that's not something you're comfortable doing, then yeah it's absolutely double standard and you are a creep for it because you're signaling that you expect to consume material without offering any of your own. And if it's not an arrangement where you are buying content from someone, then yeah that's pretty creepy.
2 years
Ditzy:
Keep in mind you will get hate,racism and bigotry from all strata of society don't single out white people.
....Hate and bigotry are a learned thing usually comes from their parents.
I don't want to derail the thread because this is about what makes a space SAFE for the people mentioned in the title. Munchies didn't single out white people, she mentioned a specific type of white person. If it doesn't apply to you then you don't need to worry about it.
If you understand that hate and bigotry are taught, then perhaps it would be wise to think about what hate and bigotry *you* were taught also and how that carries out in these conversations.
But let's get back to the topic at hand. And if you don't want to participate that's totally cool and best of luck!
2 years
Munchies:
Actually, both are correct.
Duly noted!!
2 years
TIL another take on WASP. I thought it was White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
2 years
Bifatty:
I think encouraging discussion and maybe a verification process before dming people. If people treated women as people and not as a sexual object in dms.
by verification, do you mean up to the user/recipient or by a moderator (or both)? or perhaps a karmic-type system a la reddit?
2 years
Many of us know how wild it can get out there and how frustrating it can be in these spaces.
I'm working on a couple of fun projects and worldbuilding things and it got me thinking. I know what I personally would like to see if things were ~ideal~ in this FA world but wanted to hear what others thought also!
Keep in mind this is NOT to disparage orcriticze any current network (especially this one!) or to request features. I'm not a mod I don't have that power lol! This is about the FA/feedist community as a whole.
Literally just to think out loud!
2 years
Munchies:
Hun, that's not even what I said. That is not what Lora said. We said that you need to listen. And if what you took away from what you said is to stop talking and stay out of it, then you still are not listening.
Yep. Not sure how "Actively participate in holding men accountable and set an example" comes out to "sit this one out" but that's what happens when people expect to be rewarded for performance I suppose!
Not the kind of example we're talking about!
2 years
doing your part means not blaming and mansplainign to women about what we ~should~ do.
If you do your part, you don't need to announce and quantify it. You'd just do it.
2 years
I wasn't mistaken. I literally quoted you saying that women needed to start calling them out. Do you know why we don't?
1) they are never punished anyway; we are not the ones with the power to remove them for their behavior
2) websites (including this one) Actively encourage the behavior and do very little if nothing to stop it, only if it goes to extremes and even then, rarely
3) WE are directly punished and can put us at risk for doing so
4) men literally NEVER intervene. Instead they come onto forums and mansplain solutions to women as if we don't know what can solve this problem then do literally nothing about it.
Misogyny is not a women's problem. It is a men's problem.
Do not even try to attempt to change the story. YOu said we were responsible for doing it. This is not a "everyone does their part" thing. You want the men to stop being creeps so you can have full access to fewer scammers? Then start setting the example and create the change you want and actuallya dvocate. Otherwise you are being just as entitled as everyone else here and whining about how there aren't enough women willing to put out for free.
When women blast bad behavior, it isn't for you. It's for us. It's also very cute that you think we don't do that privately. Whisper networks are HOW we manage to survive in any space that isn't safe for us. You just don't see the majority of it because of the reasons listed above.
Get a clue.
2 years
