My wife had been not too far off her all time heaviest before the Covid shut down, at least judging by the fit of her clothes and how she felt in my arms. She was working retail, so of course was laid off as the store closed. I'm pretty sure she drifted up to a new personal high, because even in her biggest clothes she was bulging out of them and the clothes were stretched tight on her.

Then she unexpectedly got called back to work a few weeks ago (the store is owned by a couple and she'd thought they were going to try to get it open and running again with just them and their longest serving employee, to minimize costs, but things happened).

After two months off, plus the added weight, her legs have been killing her by the end of each day. Now a former boss has reached out to her about a potential job. It would be less hours to start, and a long bus-ride each way, but it wouldn't be retail ... and she'd be sitting most of the time. She is seriously considering the new job, to my surprise. When I probed a bit she admitted it is because she just doesn't want to be on her feet so much.

That is sort of a turning point for her, any time previously that she had problems she'd blame herself for being too fat or out of shape, would work at losing weight, etc. This time it is simply "I can't handle being on my feet that much anymore" with no suggestion that she's planning anything to make being on her feet easier. Combined with how willing she has become to tell me I have to walk slowly with her, I think she is finally coming to accept that she is fat and that just isn't going to change. A bit excited and a bit trepidatious to see what comes of this.

It will obviously vary tremendously based on how much you eat and how much activity you still manage to do.

The one things I'd say is that you absolutely need to listen to your doctors and physiotherapists about your rehab, and do all your exercises, stretches, contrast baths, or whatever it is they tell you to do. You need that ankle to heal up strong to carry your weight!

I've virtually known a couple of BBW who had ankle breaks or bad strains and never really re-gained their full mobility ... their weight made it hard to rehab the ankle without hurting it, the rehab work was harder with their weight so they were not the best about doing it, lack of activity led them to gain even more weight, resulting in ongoing ankle problems that led to more inactivity that led to more weight ... could be hot from an FA point of view if it were not for literally being in pain and losing quality of life.

If you look up "McGill big 3 back exercises" you should find a set of three simple excercies that can be done with no equipment, designed to strengthen all the key core muscles (developed by a doctor who dealt with a lot of back stuff, and found that in the end it was strengthening the core that made the most difference for the most people, so then he started looking to boil down the various possible exercises into an easy and compact set)

When I'm good about doing them I have no back problems, when I start slacking off my lower back starts bugging me.

I think you flirt with saying it, without saying it, for a while, and see how they respond first. In more normal times I'd say plan another date that was centered around going out for dinner and at dinner apologize "Sorry, two dinners in a row wasn't very creative. I guess I just find eating together to be a special sort of bonding, so I think of it a lot. If I'm ever suggesting food too often, do let me know." Their reaction would tell you something about their attitudes. If they say anything remotely positive then another time ask if they want (ice cream, dessert after dinner, some other treat) and comment "You know I'll never criticize having (dessert, or whatever it is)." And so it goes, you drop hints, you see how they respond, until you eventually feel confident enough to almost tip your hand, with something like "I love how much you enjoy food, it is just so sexy to me." and hopefully by that point it is easy to move to a more full disclosure.

We had the "Flexed arm hang" instead of pull ups. Basically pull yourself up until your elbows are at 90 degrees, then hang on for as long as you can. A few of the fattest kids couldn't pull up that far but most could hang in for a bronze or silver, while some petite girls could easily hit gold. (for us each event scored bronze/silver/gold, to get an overall bronze you needed at least four bronzes, to get silver or gold you needed at least five at that level.)

I hit puberty early in grade six, then later that year I was the only boy in class to only get an overall bronze, and the teacher called us up in groups based on the award level. That was when I first had an inkling that there was something about being out of shape that excited me -- I was embarrassed and worked to make sure I got a gold the next year, but there was something else in how I felt that I couldn't quite name, but I knew it was dangerously exciting.

In grade school and middle school we had to do the Canada Fitness Award testing each year. I've often fantasized of being taunted into seeing how well I could do at those six events now. (Flexed arm hang, sit ups, standing long jump, shuttle run, 50m dash, and a 2.4km endurance run). My worst result was in grade six when I only got a bronze -- could I perform even as well as my 12 year old self?

My wife is 5'6" and was still a pretty quick walker up through 215 or so, and only a bit slow into the 230s -- when still in her twenties.

Now in her late 40s, in the 230s I'd guess, she has slowed down a lot. Bad knees are part of it, but even on good days with her knees she quickly gets winded if trying to keep up with the flow of pedestrians (we live in a good walking neighborhood). Pokemon Go is a great cover for her increased slowness and loss of fitness as one naturally walks slower while looking at the phone, and pauses occasionally for one thing or another in the game.

She's still good for walking 3-4 km if there is a couple of shops along the way.

As a guy (52, 5'8", ~230 pounds) I sometimes still think I'm a quick walker because I have to slow down for my wife. But if I try to keep up with young and thin people I quickly realize that I'm on the slow side and rapidly run out of breath at that pace)

Guzzling cream is obviously a classic, and probably has more impact for the time and money than most things. But a few other ideas:

- fast food on the way to/from work. You know, breakfast at home, then go through the drive-thru at macdonalds or somewhere for a second breakfast (and toss the wrappers in the bin outside the door at work). Stop for a milkshake on the way home.

- candy coffee. It is easy to drink 400 calories at places like Starbucks. Not the cheapest of calories, but very stealth as you can consume them right in front of people. Or to be even lower key, just get a regular coffee but really load it up with cream and sugar

- muffins and donuts. Both can be crazy high in calories, and muffins aren't always viewed that way. I can stop at a Tim Horton's just a few minutes from work and pick up a muffin and two donuts that total a thousand calories. Provided I peel the paper off the muffin before getting in the car I can easily eat those in the few minutes to finish my drive.

He may not like looking fat, being seen as fat by other people, and so on -- but at the least it sounds like he loves turning you on

Maybe sell the bigger clothes thing by saying you love seeing him in tight clothes, but going up a size in what he wears out of the house will make him look less fat to others (it is true, too tight clothes just draw attention to it).

Few people manage to lose and keep off even 10% of their body weight. So once you reach a fair size it is unlikely that you will lose a lot.

The self perpetuating, easy, gains are mostly a matter of habits I think. When you are always expecting to be eating with no reference to your appetite, when your body is always expecting to be digesting, when physical activity has become unpleasant to do and something you just don't think about, when finding the lazy solution becomes automatic ... I think that is where much of that comes from.