i need to get a scale, i think i am probably up about 30 lbs since march... yikes! without even trying. this is mostly boredom eating.

yes, i have gained some more.

stuff has changed over the last few months... i have had to change cities for work, and my girlfriend was not able to move with me due to her work. we have tried to keep things going long-distance but it is tough. i don't think either of us are really happy with the situation.

work and moving (and basically ... life! lol) has kept me really busy. i remain sedentary, i am eating and drinking too much, and yeah, my clothes continue to shrink on me somehow.

i have reconnected with some old friends, fit ones from my previous life as a gym nut. they have been trying to encourage me to return to the gym now that it is open again, but to be honest, i don't want to. not only an i not interested because of the pandemic, but i just can't see myself there as a fat guy.

the thought of being there with a fit, strong guy (who i used to have the same physique as) to compare myself to, now that i am totally out of shape, is kind of arousing... the embarrassment and humiliation appeals as a fantasy, but i don't think i could bring myself to really do it...

my girlfriend is officially smaller than she was when we met about 2 years ago. she's still a good deal bigger than i am, and still a ssbbw, but i am proud of how she has been managing her diet and fitness.

by comparison, i am at my fattest and heaviest - ever!

she is back to swimming now that pools have opened up, which is good for her joints & mobility. i have not joined her yet at the pool yet, but i intend to.

a few weeks ago she started to work out with weights, nothing serious but she wants to protect her joints and mobility since she has a fairly physical job.

she asked if i wanted to join her, but to be honest, i just can't face it. i used to be such a gym rat, i was there 3-4 times a week. when i first started to gain weight, i panicked and tried to go back to the gym to lose it, and get back in shape... i just couldn't do it. i was winded so easily, and the amount i could lift had diminished so much - i know it was pride, or ego, but i just felt like such a weakling. i couldn't be there. it felt so embarrassing.

i am only fatter now (probably 50 lbs+) and more out of shape now... and while the idea of how humiliating it would be is kind of a turn on, i just don't think i could go thru with it.

when i started to gain, going from around 150 to maybe 200 lbs, the difficulties i started to face initially scared me a little. getting winded more easily, difficulty sitting up in bed, etc.

so about a year ago i went back to the gym to try to get more fit again... oh man, it was so hard! and my pride took a big hit, too. it was embarrassing being there, so out of shape, as a fatty - and so much weaker. after years of being really fit, doing beginner stuff really hit my ego! so i didn't keep it up. i tried a few times, but eventually gave up.

since then i have put on maybe another 70 lbs or so, have hardly been active at all, and the limitations have steadily become more pervasive. i am more accepting of them now, though, and spend more energy thinking of coping strategies to deal with them (like: how can i avoid the need to go back upstairs for the rest of the day? lol!)

i was a little alarmed when it first started to plump up, it was one of those things that signaled to me that i wasn't chubby anymore, i was getting fat.

my member is average sized, and while hard i would say the fupa covers maybe a third. maybe 3/4 when soft? but the fupa flesh is so soft, when your are having sex it compresses easily. i think even if it were covered completely you could still press the flesh back enough to make good use of it.

would love to know if anyone else has had experience at very large sizes?

yes ma'am. thank you ma'am.

i hope to be back in toronto by august/september time and would love to participate if someone is organizing something. hopefully the pandemic conditions will be lifted by then???

my gf is a nurse with over 20 years on the job. she is over 400 lbs, and she agrees with others on this thread that there seems to be a higher average of obesity in that profession.

so it is like a snowball rolling down hill, reinforcing itself and gaining (no pun intended) momentum. i can totally feel this now.

the other thing is that, because not exercising takes no effort (by definition!), and it is so easy to derive pleasure from eating and drinking, it becomes habit-forming. now my routine of snacking, eating and drinking beer after i am done working is a delightful, joyful habit. i don't want to break it, i enjoy it... i just keep hoping my weight will plateau! lol

this is basically my situation. my partner is a ssbbw and i was fit when we met. with her encouragement, i thought i would let loose a little bit, maybe add 20 or 25 lbs... then it was, well, let's see what 200 feels like...

then it became a slippery slope! lol! after a few halfhearted attempts to turn things around and get back into shape, i kind of just gave up and embraced this lazy lifestyle of self-gratification.

so i guess my warning would be: careful, it is addictive!