eagledancer wrote
Unfortunately it's a double standard with a few exceptions...we tend to find fat girls as attractive and desirable, whereas most fat girls tend to find fat guys as not as attractive or sexy as thin guys. That's why I don't gain...I like the odds of finding someone like this much better.
Whoops, excuse me? That doesn't seem to be what I see from many of the lovely ladies posting here. And certainly (remember--I'm also a sex researcher) there are a number of studies that clearly indicate women in general are not as hung up over a male partner's physical appearance as men in general are about a female partner's physical appearance.
It may well be that you have encountered individuals who aren't aroused by a guy's moobs or lovehandles, but it would pay not to generalize their rejection to women as a whole. If you did experience the rejection, it might not actually be related to your belt size, but to something else (i.e., social-economic status, age difference, personality traits, etc.)
Here's one of the TRUTHS of the world--you will always have people who find you desirable. If you gain or lose a significant amount of weight, that audience may change, but you will still be desirable. The people who find you desirable at "twink" size may not be the ones who find you desirable "fluffy" but let me tell you there are many people who prefer fluffy to twink.
The thing that always cracks me up on sites like this one--people posting "oh, I really want to gain, but I don't want to get bigger until I'm in a relationship." Then they enter into a relationship with someone who is attracted to them while they are "twink" sized. This someone then kicks them to the curb when they pork up because--surprise! the partner is attracted to twinks. If you start out at least a little plump, you're very likely to catch the attention of potential partners who are either drawn to pudge, or to whom it isn't an issue.
My heart goes out to so many men (and women) out there who deny and diet and starve themselves for years for really bad reasons.
Here's the other TRUTH of this "community." Gain--(or lose) because it's what you want for yourself. Not to please someone else--ESPECIALLY if the person you're trying to please is just inside your head. In other words (therapist talking) if you're NOT in a relationship right now, you're trying to shape your body to please someone you don't even know.
Jeez, do you know how many patients I've had to deal with over the years who live too much inside their heads, in the company of dead parents and imaginary lovers--all of whom reject them? Because it's hard to change the minds of people who DON'T EXIST except inside the patients' heads.
With an actual living parent, or with an actual "date" I can turn to the other person and ask, "Does the fact your child/date has gained some weight make you want to reject him/her?" Here's the shocker--often in relationships the fear that people have of the rejection is unfounded when you open up communication. Right now, if you're dealing with stuff that's only in your own imagination--you CAN'T open up communication because you're not communicating with other people, esp. the people who matter.
When I lecture, I teach that FEAR stands for:
F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal.
And also--perhaps I should post this elsewhere, but the other day I stumbled across a series of youtube vids from a European television series that brings together people of "extreme size" to meet one another. I think this is brilliant (I also think it has an element of exploitation...but hey--welcome to reality)where these individuals may have "weight issues" about their self images. For example, there was an anorectic man who basically lived on consuming chocolate and cigarettes to maintain his skeletal self. The show's producers (and physician/host) paired him with another guy who weighed 3 times as much as he did. The pattern is that both come out in bathrobes that they remove to show they are both only wearing underwear. The two then have the opportunity to physically touch one another. To compare arms, or to brush fingers against the other's belly. As a therapist, I can see this can have a major impact on one's mental image of self, which for a lot of people with eating disorders, and problems with their body image, can help them gain a more "realistic" concept of self as opposed to always defaulting to the image of themselves inside their heads.
The series also alternates, so there is a BBW with a skinny guy, and a skinny woman with a BBW one. Yeah--I should definitely post this info and the urls on a separate thread.
Anyway, the show does an actual confrontation between what the people "think" and what "is." The camera then does a follow up interview with both parties separately so they can share what the experience is like.
If you find fat attractive, then I think it's healthier for you to try to gain some weight rather than denying yourself what it is you might really enjoy, in order to attract a partner who doesn't want you heavier...a partner who doesn't actually exist at the moment. If you're focusing on imaginary partners anyway, you might as well imagine finding one who wants you for who you actually ARE-in all aspects of yourself.
And if you discover being bigger isn't satisfying for you--then you can lose weight and return to where you were. But at least you return with the knowledge of what the truth was like rather than spending a lifetime wondering...
This is getting rather deep for a moob opinion thread lol.
