Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Letters And Numbers:
I guess to answer the OP’s question in a different way, threads get locked because mods don’t have a lot of other tools at their disposal. They can’t discipline individual users, so locking threads is the only real tool at their disposal. I’m sure admins have more tools to use, but there are fewer admins. Threads can be unlocked.

As an alternative to locking threads, having a way to mute individual users for a period of time might be helpful when one person is harassing or spamming, etc. A stop gap until an admin can review the situation.


I feel like muting a user would be extremely helpful. I've seen a lot of instances where everyone is having a lovely time, and then one person comes in and shits all over the place. Muting could be a useful tool until admin is able to review the situation.

I also think users being able to mute another could be nice. Sometimes, you just don't jive with another user, and not seeing their posts could be nice. When you mute them, you could see they've posted, but not what they posted. Then you could have the option to see a specific post or not. I'm thinking it would work like posts tagged NSFW on social media sites.
1 year

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Malvineous:
If someone is being overtly hateful and targeting other members, then yeah, that kind of response is totally warranted. Guys like that deserve it. I do recall seeing a case like that in the past where a guy was proudly calling himself a white supremacist, and had to be removed, but in the meantime people were shutting down any conversation that started going in that direction.

The only problem I see is in the grey areas where what someone says isn't anywhere near close to that, but some people feel inclined to start dogpiling anyway because they have a personal zero tolerance policy toward anything that smells of bigotry or what they interpret as dog whistles, even if that wasn't actually the person's intent. I've personally seen quite a few cases like that happen too. I think in general it's just a good policy for people to err on the side of civility and take people at their word unless proven otherwise. Even if I strongly suspect someone is arguing in bad faith, I will usually try to give a genuine response anyway.


Are you in community with any minority groups? I am genuinely curious.
1 year

Food guilt

PurpleJade:
TW: s/h

Anytime I try to gain I never feel as if my motives are driving me, and I’m just using food as an escape or for control.

I started gaining January during a cruise because it was fitting. Since then I’ve put on 10 pounds and tracked my weight obsessively. Once in the morning once at night. It absolutely is a turn on, I’m watching real time as my weight increases and my capacity increases. Unfortunately it also feels like I’m grasping for control.


As someone who has s/h in the past I understand the high feeling I got from it from that control. Whenever I’m gaining it’s so similar that it’s hard not to associate the two.

It doesn't help that my work circumstance would justify the feeling of no control. I’m currently waiting for more hours so I can move to salary, but am not receiving the proper workload from project managers so I’m stuck as a part time contractor with no other companies. I have enough money for rent for the next year and paying off all student loans, my situation is annoying at worst requiring me to find another job.

To clarify, I don’t want to s/h and haven't since I was in high school. I’m receiving therapist attention and have already talked on my work situation. My snag is I don’t want to inform my therapist of my fetish, and ask how to separate the association of s/h at the same time.

Just curious if anyone else has similar feelings and knows techniques to disassociate the two. I’m sure I’m not the only one.


Hey love. I'm sorry you're going through it. I have faith you'll get through to the other side.

I have PTSD and have had depression with s/i in the past. I never self-harmed, but I had maladaptive pleasure-seeking. That's nearly the same thing.

I am also an ex-gainer who has body dysmorphia. I remember hopping on the scale 10 times a day and dealing with the highs and lows with weight fluctuation.

Not a good time for me.

I'm in a better place now, but a large part of it involved reconciling with my fetish. It's a part of who I am and ignoring that does a huge disservice to myself. I understand opening up about something so intimate can be scary. But it's vital to your healing.
1 year

38f feedee iso 25-45m irl sadistic feeder

MakeMe:
So, the feeder I was supposed to meet this weekend up and deleted his account.

I am serious about wanting to have an experience like this. Anyone out there who isn't a flake?

X_Larsson:
Your below two criteria from your profile will definitely remove quite a few men from the list.
Feederism tends to be a long term process, at least for many enthusiasts. And also, quite a few men simply do not want ONS or the women that are interested in that type of relations.

"NOT interested in a relationship.
NOT interested in anything serious or ongoing."


Babes, come on. Stop being cringe. Unless she's being gross, there's no reason to make these kinds of posts. Either she'll find what she wants or she won't. She's not hurting anyone.
1 year

Why are so many discussions getting locked?


Morbidly A Beast:
Nah letting bigots have free rein without consequence when they spew their nonsense is objectively worse than being direct and confrontational every time they spew their garbage. Maybe it’s not the job of people to confront abstract things but it’s definitely on the part of our community to keep hate and bigotry out of our spaces, if you let one they will think that behavior is okay others will join in, and that’s no place I or others want to be in.

Malvineous:
Ok, but you're explicitly violating TOS. What you're saying might be true for disorganized communities, but not here. This isn't society at large, and this isn't a place for internet activism. In this case, tolerance actually DOES mean tolerating the intolerant until you can get a moderator to act on your behalf. It's literally their job to do so. When you confront people, you're actually being counter-productive to what you want, because all you succeeded in doing is getting the thread closed, while they still remain a member and will continue to post. That doesn't actually scare the trolls at all. If I'm wrong in my interpretation of the rules, I'll gladly accept that correction from a moderator.

I'll edit to add an analogy. If you're part of the gaming community, and someone is acting disruptive, then yes, people should do some gatekeeping on their own. But if you're part of an after school club, and someone says something out of pocket, then by rising up and yelling at them, it only makes you look like you're just as disruptive and part of the problem. But if you turn to the club president and tell them that person is turning this into a toxic environment, then thy have an excuse to act and bar that person from future meetings.


Okay, so I'm going to stop you right there.

I am a WOC. While most people on this site are normal human beings, I have experienced discrimination on this platform. I've experienced everything from death threats and slurs to creepy people sexually harrassing me.

I do report it when it happens. And admin has taken action. But that can take time since I have to take screenshots and send an email to people in a very different time zones. So in the meantime, confronting the bigot is important.

I remember about a year ago, we had this extremely unpleasant user who'd be super gross in chat all the time. Complete menace to society. Admin had told him to get his act together more than once, but he didn't care.

One day, he snapped and went on a racist tirade. Started using all the slurs and saying a bunch of really messed up things. He locked on black people and Jewish people specifically. Numerous people reported him, but it takes time to get a response back.

In the mean time, the community rallied together. A few tracked down a mod while everyone else pushed back against his awefullness. There were a handful on black people and Jewish people in chat at the time. So it was really nice to see white people step up and push back against it too.

You do not and should not tolerate bigotry. Yeah, it's nice to be gently corrected if you accidentally say something bigotted. I think everyone has said something bigotted without meaning to be. But that isn't something you're owed. And you especially aren't owed that grace if you say it with your chest.

Also, I don't think it violates TOS to check a bigot. I've done that several times, and when I seen admin forum links or screenshots with full context, I've never been told I was in the wrong. And some of my reports were viewed by the site owner.
1 year

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Wouldn't it be ironic if this thread gets locked?
1 year

Emilyew, emilywithlove

Hwkeye13:
Does anyone know where she’s migrated to now? It looks like she’s left p@tri0n and Devi@n+@rt. She’s the GOAT and I miss her work.


No clue, but I hope she's doing well. I loved her whimsy and her talent.
1 year

Why are so many discussions getting locked?

Letters And Numbers:
I’m pretty much of the mind that unless it’s about size acceptance or other weight related political issues, there’s the ENTIRE REST OF THE INTERNET to talk about politics. It’s inescapable. This site can be an oasis from that. But just my opinion.

Karenjenk:
The other side is just skip over things you dont want to read and realize its all right ot be offended

Letters And Numbers:
Yup, absolutely. Half of the annoying slap fights could be avoided this way.


I don't enjoy talking politics on here. Only time I do is when you have bigots bigotting. Other than that, I talk about it elsewhere.
1 year

Best place to go for (cheap) clothes for button popping?

HRHB15:
Yeah, thrift stores are awesome for this.

I Am Probably Cranky:
Honestly, it's something that I keep forgetting about lol. The one thing that stops me (well, mostly partner) is that we wanna plan ideal outfits instead bahaha


You can find cute clothes in the thrift store. It's not all tacky, sad clothes.
1 year

What ya listening to?

?si=eM2Ln1w_m7iKcqbI

Current obsession
1 year