After talking with a lot of FA in online fat communities, I've concluded that there is no one factor. Some had fat influences in their life, others didn't. Some awakened to it as kids, some at puberty, other in adulthood. Some had strong reactions to some of those cartoon episodes, others didn't.

I have read that a lot of this sort of thing (templates of attraction) seems to gel in our brains in the relatively high hormone period around ages 2-3, which is generally younger than we can access our memories. So that by the time we can remember anything about it , it feels like we have always been that way.

For me I had some positive thoughts about fat earlier, but it really hit me when I read a pseudo-fairytale kids picture book called the Pumpkin Giant, where both the princess and the boy she eventually marries are so fat that they can't walk and have to roll to get around. I realized it wasn't realistic, but at the same time I knew I wanted that.

Many studies have found that few people lose and keep off more than 10% of their body weight, and losing and regaining large amounts and repeatedly tends to make the regain bigger while weakening health.

So a small gain is potentially reversible, and won't have a very big impact on your life on its own if you don't lose it.

The much harder part is if you like it, it is that much harder to resist.

The very little in the way of study results I've seen that looked at mortality by degree of obesity didn't seem to see much impact up to BMI 35, but it steadily rose in higher tiers. And there are a number of health issues beyond diabetes and high blood pressure -- higher risks of various cancers, breakdown of the valve that helps keep your legs from swelling up, higher inflammation that increases odds of a number of other issues, etc.

That said, working in many jobs, binge drinking, smoking, etc all come with risks, and many people choose to live with those. It isn't like being fat is the only health risk that many people choose to accept.

Think about transportation. If you are meeting somewhere, how easy is it for her to get there?

Dating anyone you want to assure their dignity. Try to minimize the odds of staring or name calling, such as avoiding places popular with teenagers maybe?

Obviously be a gentleman with where your eyes and hands go, but also things like pulling out chairs or holding doors. Aside from the general good behavior and making things easier for her, it signals to her and everyone else that you are there with her and happy about it.

Not as dense, and a bit time consuming, but I've used a lot of small water balloons. Similar density to flesh, will take whatever shape you squish them too, and if you keep them individually small they are surprisingly tough.

I'd suggest try to take control of your narrative. If you are clearly happy, learning, involved in life, etc. Then your parents are going to be happy for you, and have so much positive to focus on. It can be really hard if you are used to passively pleasing them (trying to be a 'good girl' for whatever that means to them), but it is possible.

Basically you need to come up with your own equation of success, and be taking steps to achieve it, and make this clear.

Not that they will stop caring about your weight completely , but it will very likely fade in significance.

Best of luck with school and with your parents!

Are you getting any treatment or support for your depression? Depression isn't just something that you can will away, so if you are not getting any help, please try to find what is available to you. And if you are getting help, maybe talk about how you have been doing lately and see if there is more support that you can get?

How are you doing this week? Did starting talk with the therapist help at all?

And for sure the cognitive dissonance from conflicting thoughts in your head can be exhausting. Although you can somewhat get used to it.

Step two to deliberately gaining is accepting that people will notice, that some may comment, that gradually your fatness may make you stand out from family and friends, and that there is some 'thin privilege' that you will be giving up.

(Step one is accepting the impact of the changes on yourself-- bigger, softer, slower, more easily getting hot and out of breath, jiggling, and all of that)

Basically if you are going to gain there is no avoiding that. You just have to decide how you will handle it -- or that it is too scary and you aren't going to do it after all.

I feel pretty similarly.