I've been varying degrees of fat since I was a toddler -- I was way off the weight charts at one year old, and while I became closer to normal I was a husky kid always.

I got teased about it some in kindergarten, but I was good at making friends and could out run, skate, and ski all my class mates, so that didn't continue. But I carried that awareness with me ever since, both that others see me as fat, and how that can be a vulnerability. I've made an effort to stay quite active, to deflect some of the fat stereotypes. And I haven't really trusted the world enough to let myself get fat the way I'd like to (and could so easily do)

Yikes, sounds like an environment where it would be difficult to ever be comfortable with extra weight

I wonder if there was something between back then and now that really hurt her? Some guy who treated her badly, a coworker who really attacked her confidence, or the like?

I hope she's resolved some of those conflicting thoughts and feelings -- cognitive dissonance can be exhausting!

One thought, if she is still struggling, is to help her have something else that will draw attention and praise, so that people are not first focused on her weight. With people she knows, maybe taking a new class or training? For just general being out in the world, especially for dealing with other women, sometimes a luxury can help. A designer handbag, a stunning pair of earrings or a glittering finger ring, or even new hair done from a high end salon that does a great job.

Also, if you don't already, go shopping with her, ask her to come out of the change room to model for you. Choose a couple of things more daring than her usual for her to try on. "Not those shorts, they are toooo short!". "You don't have to buy them, but I reeeeaaallly want to see you try them on.". It is a good way, IMO, to help prove that you adore her current body. Words are nice, but finding ways to SHOW it really helps.

Health risks from various sources kind of multiply. So also try to limit your non fat related risks. Don't smoke, don't drink heavily. Get enough sleep. Take care of your teeth. Address any other health issues. Eat plenty of veggies and some fruit. Try not to sit for prolonged periods on a regular basis. Raise your heart rate regularly.

You can limit your risks from gaining by doing it smart, but you can't eliminate them. But by not burdening your body with other stresses, it will hopefully hold up better.

I'd suggest approaching it a piece at a time. If a piece goes over well then you can try the next piece in another week. If you hit something that is a no go for her, it isn't too big a thing to pull back from. If the response is more in the middle take some time to understand her feelings on it more.

Like start with something not too odd, like "I love seeing you enjoy food. It is like some primal caveman part of me is all 'me killed mammoth, now woman eat, woman strong and healthy, rawr!' It might sound silly, but it is kind of hot.". See how she reacts to that, where it leads. If it goes well, in a while look for a good opening to comment on how you don't see the appeal of fashion models, you prefer more curves and substance. And so on.

I can sweat quite a bit during sex. Especially noticeable if I was on my back on the mattress for long, as the sheet will show that the whole area under my back is wet. Depends some on the weather, and how sliw the build up is. I think I really heat up near peak arousal, so if I end up in that state for long the total amount if sweat is higher.

Of course the fatter you are and the less fit you are, the harder it typically is to keep cool when active. I'm not all that fat by standards here, and am somewhat active. Take away that activity and add a hundred pounds and I'm sure I'd sweat a lot more.

I've got two suggestions:

1-Tell him in stages. Let him know that you don't like six packs, then let him know that you like some belly on a guy, then that you like seeing guys enjoy food, etc. Keep paying attention to his reactions, so that you can stop for a bit if you are hitting his discomfort zone.

2- But even before that, try to be clear in your mind what is most important to you. Hand feeding? Him really enjoying food? Him gaining? Him being fat? Him wanting you to feed him or wanting you to play with his fat? Etc. Everything is a lot to go for, all at once, and you may have to compromise, so know your priorities.

First of all, she may always have mixed feelings. Lots of us do about a lot of things that we choose to do. It is ok, but itmeans you need to take the time to talk lots, and really listen. (after all, there are negatives about getting fat. Disappointed parents certainly being one)

One thing you can do when she is having bad feelings is ask "whose voice do you hear in your head saying those things?" Maybe it is the internalized voices of her parents. Or maybe not. But it canbe a good exercise to recognize where those voices come from.

The other thing you can do is make it easy for her to feel good and reduce triggers to feel bad. In public in a situation where she might feel judged, hold her close, tell her you love her, give her a kiss - - showing her and the world that you love her as she is. If she needs to get biggef clothes go shopping with her, get her to model clothes for you and tell her how hot she looks (and pick out a couple of things more daring than she would normally wear and ask her to try them on and show you, emphasizing how much you like her body). Generally be the best boyfriend you can be because feeling secure and loved can make the rough patches easier to deal with.

Good to see that you are feeling happy after that