Wackaroni:
I hate feeling like I don't know where to find a relationship with somebody who understands me and shares my desires. Sure, there are sites like this, but sometimes its hard to see it in a romantic way when there is a lot of focus on fetishy stuff (no judgement), both here and on Feabie. Maybe I am too sentimental about things like having some perfect story about how I met somebody, idk.
I want to find love in the real world but I always fear rejection, and I am horrified about being honest about my kinks and preferences. Over time I just feel like I am more prone to going online just because I don't know what else to do.
People say love finds you, but I don't think passivity and waiting is getting me anywhere. It just seems like there is my entire life, and then this other part of it that is hidden away and totally separate. It really doesn't feel right to have to be so secretive, but being seen here isn't what I would consider to be the most flattering in the eyes of the many people that I know.
Munchies:
I don't know. There's some truth to love finding you. I met my partner after a five-year dating hiatus. Neither one of us was looking for love, but it happened.
This is not to say you should sit on a stoop and wait for someone to approach you. That's dumb. I think it's best to work on yourself so you are date-ready, put yourself out there, and don't force it.
Wackaroni:
It may be a hyperbole for me to describe my state as sitting around and waiting. I guess I have gotten bored of constant self improvement, because I feel like it is so repetitive to have to grin and bear it all. Like yeah, how many times do I have to clean everything up and work out and take care of my body before somebody else just recognizes me for all of the things that I do? Sure, I can easily find joy in solo pursuits, and I love to experience joy with my family and friends, but this one part of my life always feels empty and it often feels like I am just swimming to keep my head above water, trying to be stronger than it. Like, when can I share some of these things instead of it feeling like it is just for me, and that I always have to be the source of my own validation? After a while it feels fucking insane.
Then I have moments where I surrender to it and accept that this loneliness is just a part of who I am, and I guess that is okay in the sense that I can see that I don't need to be stoned outside of the town wall for it. In the spirit of being 'real as fuck' though, it sucks. It is exhausting to deny the fact that I feel miserable.
I have been working to be in a state where I feel like I can put myself out there, but its always just around the corner. Maybe I need to see that this "corner" I am coming around is more like a roundabout where I am just running in circles, following this infinite edge.
Emotionally and mentally healthy people are always trying to be better. You could be 90 years old, living your best life, and still trying to improve. But most importantly, you should focus on being better for your own sake. If you do it for the sake of others, that breeds resentment and emotional exhaustion.
Another thing to remember is there's a difference between being lonely and being alone. You can be with someone and still feel lonely. Having a significant other will not fix that, I promise you. However, you can be alone and feel content. A healthy relationship is about interdependence. You and your partner are individuals who decided to share your lives. If you expect your partner to make you not lonely, you deprive them of having a life outside of you.
This is toxic. Don't do that.
Instead, focus on being happy alone. Once you get there, you'll be a better partner to whoever you date.
