what you have written there resonates so much with me. my mobility has just started to decline in the last little while, though i am a fair bit smaller than you are.

your comment about "vice" really caught my attention, and it made me think, am i using food and overeating as a vice? i can see i am leaning into it, in a kind of hedonistic way, to derive pleasure... so yes, probably it has become a vice!

this was a big issue i noticed, even after a gain of just 50-70 lbs... it really demotivated me when i tried going back to the gym. not just being lazy, but being unable to perform at exercises like i had before... which just drove me to being more lazy, lol!

so true! an interesting impact of my walking this week has been an increased appetite. tracking my activity and eating on fatsecret.com is showing that i am still consuming more calories than i am burning, by a long shot, lol!

the exercise might be helping my breathing a little, but i find my hips are getting sore, so i think i need to take some days off between walks.

toronto, where we live, has quite an active lgbtq community (our pride parade is one of the largest in the world, i believe, as an example), and we have found a few local groups online (though facebook, which is kind of... ugh...), which also have in-person meet-ups (when there aren't pandemics, lol), which has been great. met some very helpful, kind, and positive people and couples there.

one of the surprises - and i don't know why i expected anything different, tbh - was that even within this tiny sub-community, people get judgemental about one another. it's not different than the feedist community, or any other, i suppose, so i don't know why it bugs me. still, to have one trans person judge another's decisions on how they feel they need to transition, or to have or nothave a particular surgery really surprised me (and tbh, angered me) .

still, must not let the rotten apples ruin it for everyone else, right?

always remember that you can choose to be kind.

that was the part of the gain that was the biggest adjustment for me - from being fit to having a gut, that initial transition into being softer and starting to jiggle.

i waffled a few times, or panicked maybe - and thought "omg, i have to lose this weight." looking back i am pretty glad i didn't... because once i gave myself that time to adjust (and i had a supportive gf, too, which helped when i felt self-conscious) it was really very nice.

by comparison, the extra 100 lbs since that point has not been as big of a shock, mentally, as that first gain from 150 to 200 or maybe 220 lbs.

my advice is just to enjoy what you're doing rather than focus on the weight. make it fun. and remember, some days you might think "i must be crazy!" but when that happens, just relax, give it a day or two, and that mood will probably pass.

enjoy your journey!

here's a recent example of having past the point no return, i think.

since the pandemic started, i have been working from home. i used to be quite active at work, on my feet and walking a bunch. i didn't count, but easily 10,000+ steps a day. now, for the last year almost, my activity has reduced dramatically - down to maybe 100s of steps some days! this has no doubt contributed to the 60 lbs i have put on over the last year.... of course, access to snacks all day has helped, too.

last week after seeing how winded i got walking up two flights of stairs, emily (my gf) brought up the subject of my inactivity... and i agreed, for my health i needed to try to become more active.

so i went for a long walk on the weekend, just around my neighborhood. i walked for an hour with two breaks to catch my breath, where i sat for maybe 10 minutes each time.

on the way home i passed a bakery... so i stopped in and brought home a treat: a half-dozen super-sized chocolate cupcakes with icing! i figured i earned the extra calories from all the walking, and i would share them at home for dessert at dinner...

so i had one, and it was soooo good! i couldn't resist, so i had another... anyway, to make a long story short, long before dinner all of the cupcakes were gone. i just couldn't resist!

the weather is getting nicer here, so i am sure em and i will be walking more, but somehow i don't think i will be losing much weight.

i just went to an online calculator, and apparently mine is 48... whatever that means? lol

when i read the title of this thread, my first thought was "some of the guys have really nice breasts, too"

absolutely! and that's why i mention them separately. i think acceptance of sexuality is way ahead in relation to gender and gender identification, but i have no hard data to support that. that's just based on my feeling as a pansexual person, as compared to what emily describes as a trans woman.

this topic is interesting, because every guy has a different story. probably because fat distributes itself on everyone differently.

at a certain point my fupa seemed to be taking on *more* than its fair share of my added weight, and it grew quite rapidly sometime after i passed 250 lbs. now my penis is pretty much invisible soft and maybe half covered when erect.

some of the guys here with large fupas have mentioned being able to use it to jerk off "hands free," which i really admire. the thought of reaching this is kind of an incentive to me to keep gaining - even though the ability to reach this "skill" seems kind of random (some guys can, some guys can't).

the thought of losing my penis inside my fupa, as it gets harder and harder to reach, is something that i am apprehensive about, but like i said, it also holds a kind of attraction as well...