well, i have gotten a little heavier. when i have time i will have to start a fresh post...

when i was younger i was very active and very fit and spent a certain amount of effort trying to be what i thought was attractive to other people.

in the intervening decades i have learned that attraction is a very individual thing. being attractive to a lot of other people is great, if you want to be superficially rewarded by a lot of other people... who don't actually give a damn about you, specifically, as a person.

conversely, i have found myself attracted to a variety of individuals of all shapes, sizes, genders, etc.... and some other individuals have been attracted to me, too, for some reason! at various weights and physical conditions, i should add.

you mentioned that you "feel unattractive," which is really a tough thing. out own perception of our "attractiveness" is so out of whack with what everyone around us feels, it becomes a bit of a mind game. this is what the self-acceptance movement is all about - learning to accept your own body, visage, etc. and be comfortable and confident in that. because confidence is absolutely attractive in someone!

In the last two-three years i have gained a similar amount of weight, and have seen similar results to what you describe. some of it isn't just the weight, but less activity and exercise in my daily life.

walking and stairs are the biggest consideration for me. i try to plan out my movements so i don't have to get up from my desk any more frequently than necessary, and absolutely try to minimize how many times i have to climb stairs.

the other change that is big for me but not noticeable to others is body grooming - i can't "manscape" my body hair like i could when i was thin anymore. :/

i have the same issue... i used to be able to use the mirror to see, and one hand to stretch or flatten the skin i was shaving, but now my belly hangs too much, and my fupa is larger, and it all kind of folds over on each other (and some other important bits that i wouldn't want to nick with a razor, lol!), so i have given up. i would need at least one more pair of hands, lol.

i don't know if i feel more feminine after doubling my weight... but i definitely feel less masculine.

when i was fit i was a gym guy, i liked to work out - i am bisexual too, and did occasionally shave my body hair, etc... but being strong, fit, even when i was with other men, i felt very masculine.

i think i feel less masculine, or "manly," now that i am fatter, probably more due to how out of shape i am, how i am not nearly as strong as i was, etc.

interesting perspectives, tho!

i got home sort of late last night from a date with my new girlfriend (can i call her that already? we've been seeing a lot of each other for the last few weeks, so i think so)... and something happened i thought i would share.

it kind of highlights how my lifestyle/mindset has changed, and why i am still fat (and probably getting fatter, lol)...

we'd had dinner a couple hours earlier at her place... i was not hungry at all when i got home, but when i arrived i discovered a pizza box with 4 slices of pizza left in it...

well, even though i wasn't hungry, i couldn't let those slices go to waste, could i? so... i ate them.

the folks i live with who'd left the pizza weren't too happy when they discovered i'd finished their leftovers, but i don't think they were too surprised either.

there are very few left-overs here.

it does have an addictive element, doesn't it?

i fell into this trap, too.

it was while i was dating a woman who was already a ssbbw and who was not trying to gain any more. so technically i wasn't actively "being" a feeder.... but over the course of that relationship, it was almost like her lifestyle rubbed off on me. she really turned me into a "foodie," and made me appreciate (and desire) food in a new way.

prior to that i was normally 150-160 lbs, a fit guy who went to the gym consistently - now, even though that relationship has ended, i still can't shake the lifestyle. i am over 300 now and i can't see myself going back into a gym again, lol.

so last night i went on my first "real" date as a fat guy, with someone who considers themself a fat admirer...

dating is weird right now because of the pandemic, so it wasn't what i would consider a normal date (dinner at a restaurant, or drinks at a bar, etc.), but we did get to spend some time in close proximity to one another, after a few weeks of voice/video chatting. it went really well, and i am looking forward to spending more time with her.

it has been such a weird year, in every way for me. i started the year in a great relationship, feeling like i had "arrived" as a fat guy. i would never have predicted how this year has gone - ending that relationship, moving cities during a pandemic, gaining a bunch more weight... and now dating again for the first time in a few years.

i guess the important thing is making it thru 2020 healthy & well. and there's still a little time to finishing off the year with some celebratory feasting!

cheers everyone!

i know! in talking with friends over the last few months, since i split with my ex (that pretty nurse), i have been asked, "so when are you going to start eating right, and get back into exercise, etc.?"

i have written in this tread before about how i just can't face going to the gym and facing the embarrassment of that, compared to how i used to be, so that is one thing.

the other thing i have been reflecting on is how my ex really did "school" me on the joy of food and eating. i used to eat as a perfunctory task, making sure i got the right protein, not too many carbs, etc... but she taught me how to really enjoy and delight in the flavours, scents and textures of food. honestly she turned me into a foodie, throwing aside caloric concerns for the sheer enjoyment of eating, regardless of the consequences.

so yeah... that is how she trained me, and made me a slave to my tummy, lol!