Really often, we talk about how unpleasant some of the men here can be. Since I've been moderating the dating ad section, I've read some of the most charming, funny, enticing, smart ads imaginable, and I'm very impressed with the proportions of different attitudes in them.

I haven't counted--though I may, one of these days--but it seems quite clear to me that a very high proportion of men say something like 'personality first'. Or 'I don't know my ideal woman because I haven't met her yet'. This feels like a big improvement over what I might have imagined, which would have been 'I want a girl [not a woman, of course] with a huge, hanging belly'. There are those, and it's honest enough, but it's nice to see so many people not making that a first priority.

The other wonderful thing I see a lot of in the ads is guys wanting their ideal match to be smart, funny, engaged in arts/culture. In a world where smart women still can feel at a disadvantage in the dating scene, this is very welcome indeed.

So thanks, FF guys. You take a lot of heat for the vile among you, but this post is about thanking the significant numbers of you who have awfully cool priorities.

So, I've been shocked on and off since I started coming here at how few people, especially skinny people, on FF are interested in size acceptance and fat liberation. This manifests in a whole lot of ways, two of them being the way we talk about health and the words we use.

The fantastic blog Feedee World pointed readers towards an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit that is about the former:
feedeeworld.wordpress.com/
and it also pointed towards The Appetites Project, which begins with a piece on feederism:
feedeeworld.wordpress.com/
that is followed by a second piece interviewing our own MollyRen:
feedeeworld.wordpress.com/
and that also led me to a wonderful piece on the word 'fat' in the FAQ for Kate Harding's blog Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere:
feedeeworld.wordpress.com/

I hope some people who still think that being fat is necessarily unhealthy watch Penn & Teller. I hope some of you who don't like the word 'fat' read Kate's FAQ. And I hope we can have more conversations about these topics.

And for all of you with whom I've spoken about these things, or who care about them but we haven't met yet--thanks. No matter how much the fat lib folks hate us, we HAVE to care about their issues.

/rant over

^^ This. Smart man. When we label ourselves, it can be very very useful. When other people label us, it is often subtractive, that is, meant to lessen us. (Though not always, which is important.) And finally, the problem isn't with the label, but with the intent to lessen us.

I'm glad to know FAs, feeder, and feedees, even though I find not a single one of those terms especially congenial.

I used to have the leg jitters, though I do it less now. But I'm still squirmy, and change positions a lot.

I'm a peeler. Matchbooks, bottle labels, anything that's paper and can be peeled.

I'm a fidgeter. I have toys everywhere to keep my hands busy. The plus side is that people love coming to my office. (There's also always food around, too, lol.)

And I swear like a sailor. When my daughter was in pre-school, her father got called in and asked not to say certain words at home. Champ that he is, he didn't tell them from *whom* the little snitch had learned said words...

Sigh. I also say this, about my own body to my semi-ex, and more generally when the subject of fat admiration comes up. What I love is the feeling of soft. Why on earth would anyone think that's a bad idea?!?

I once referred to my belly as a big, giant breast, and the semi-ex looked a bit quizzical and then laughed. Hard to argue.

So, yeah, I think you're quite beautiful in that pic, and I bet most people here think so, too.

I agree with Tubby, it's been VERY helpful to me to spend a lot of time looking at fat bodies, mainly by spending time here, but anyway I can, and NOT looking at skinny ones, like not reading women's mags, fashion mags, etc.

It's a long journey, but you're on it, so be gentle to yourself.

I agree with Shazzy--I felt put off by the OP, and if it's over-sensitive, I don't feel terrible about that. At least here we should be trying to be sensitive to fat folks.



I agree with almost all of Sexydisaster's post except that one sentence. While this still gets bandied about, it's pretty clear from substantial medical evidence that 'calories in - calories used = weight gain/loss' is not true. While there is surely some relationship, it is substantially mediated by a host of known, and presumably at least some still unknowns, bodily processes that determine how and when fat is stored.

I'm fairly claustrophobic, which is why I'm afraid of crowds. It's worse because I'm only 5'2", which means in a tight crowd I have no line of vision and I'm in people's chests and armpits. Ugh.

I'm somewhat afraid of heights, but it's weird. I can be plenty high up, as long as I have a visual barrier that feels high enough. So I was up in a tower recently, with floor to ceiling glass windows, and I stayed glued to the back wall. Not one of my better moments, lol.

And I have an irrational fear of bees and wasps. I've never been stung, so I have no idea why I'm so afraid, but yeah, I'm *crazy* afraid. Weird.

I'd stash it for about a month to see if you turned up to collect it. If not, I'd start spending it in small amounts on treats I wouldn't otherwise buy myself. If you turned up after that, I'd tell you the missing money was a holding fee.

What would you do if I appeared on your doorstep with a big, gorgeous black forest gateau/cake, dressed just a tad seductively?

No, but some people seem to think I look fatter, even though I'm losing weight. Maybe we're entangled in a quantum sense? Though then we should be in the same state, not opposite ones, if I remember correctly...

Just a thought.