no, it is ok - we split because i had to move for work. we tried to figure out something, but opted to split rather than suffer thru a long-distance relationship. so it was amicable, and we are still friendly - we have even shared dating stories, lol. so it's ok, but i do miss the closeness that we shared (not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, etc.).

your comment about being a hedonist surprised me a little bit, and then i sat back and thought about it for a bit... and yes, i think you are right, there is a strong aspect of that in me! not in that extreme sense of "pleasure at the expense of all other things," but definitely at this point of my life i regularly consider the effort vs enjoyment equation. it's one of the reasons i keep getting fatter, i am sure!

not sure if this belongs in the same thread, but i thought i would post it here since it is basically an update to the story i've already told here...

it's been four months since i moved & split with my girlfriend... and in that time i hit 300 lbs. officially double my original weight.

out of desperation to socialize in some way, i reconnected with an old ex-boyfriend of mine. we were together about six years ago, not for long, maybe 4-6 months? we were gym buddies, both fit at that time. i told him i had put on a bunch of weight. eventually i invited him over for dinner.

he was pretty shocked when he saw me - clearly what he had seen on our calls did not give him a good indication of my actual fattness, lol. he looked exactly the same - maybe leaner.

we had drinks, caught up. he offered to help me work off the weight at his home gym, but i declined and told him i wasn't interested in the gym anymore. dinner arrived, indian food with lots of naan (my favorite). i got quite a bit of selection because i didn't know what he would like. he ate hardly anything, mostly protein, in stark contrast to my orgy of gobbling! he didn't touch the naan, big flatbread twice the size of a dinner plate... i used them to soak up the sauces.

he said, "well i can see how you got so fat," lol! and about the "mmmm" sounds i made while eating, he said "it sounds like you are making love" which probably made me blush.

after dinner we had more drinks and opened up more. we have both had tough times during the pandemic, and it was nice for us both to share i think.

i asked to see his stomach - he had visible abs so he was in even better shape than when we were together before. to reciprocate, i took off my shirt and showed him my "one giant ab" lol. he felt how soft it was, and even reached underneath to heft it and feel how heavy it was.

it was actually a really wonderful experience. we got together one more time after that, and it was nice to be physical with someone (i'll spare you the details!). he clearly isn't a fat admirer so we probably won't hook up again, which is fine (he is an ex for a reason after all) but honestly, it was nice just to have that experience. especially knowing that it could be a long time before i get to experience something like that again.

just typing this has made me hungry... time for something to eat!

this was the same for me... as i got fatter i got worried, and attempted to go back to the gym to "get it under control." but by that point i had fallen so out of shape, the act of failing at the exercises i used to perform easily was so humiliating, i just couldn't face it anymore. all the jiggling and bouncing on the treadmill was just too much, and having to quit a few minutes into it... ugh.
then you compare that to the lifestyle of eating delicious food, not concerning yourself with calories, or how healthy it is - just enjoying it and allowing yourself to indulge... mmm, it is an easy lifestyle to fall in love with!

same... it depends on the day.

sometimes i wish i flipped the switch back when i was 250, sometimes i feel like i really need to switch it now... mostly when i am doing something that reminds me how much more difficult things are compared to when i was thin. whether it's walking, or stairs, or just getting up off the floor, lol!

but other times, particularly when i am gorging myself, getting stuffed, and i start feeling aroused, i just want to feel that much bigger...

i was surprised by this, too. as someone who spent most of his adult life thin & fit, the arousing thrill of being called out as a fatty, or teased for my growing gut was really a surprise.

i have felt the same way about the growth of my fupa around my penis.

this was all totally a surprise to me, i thought i was a born feeder/fa, and now i am experiencing something really new (and honestly exciting).

i am bisexual (pansexual perhaps?) and have had partners of various genders... my most recent partner was a fat woman - i was fit when we met and got fat myself while with her.

now i am back on my own, basically single for the first time as a fat man.

in my past with other men i was a very fit dom and feeder to submissive fat men. now, as a fatty myself, i really have a desire to be dominated by a fit, strong man - to basically have the tables turned on me.

i need to get a scale, i think i am probably up about 30 lbs since march... yikes! without even trying. this is mostly boredom eating.

yes, i have gained some more.

stuff has changed over the last few months... i have had to change cities for work, and my girlfriend was not able to move with me due to her work. we have tried to keep things going long-distance but it is tough. i don't think either of us are really happy with the situation.

work and moving (and basically ... life! lol) has kept me really busy. i remain sedentary, i am eating and drinking too much, and yeah, my clothes continue to shrink on me somehow.

i have reconnected with some old friends, fit ones from my previous life as a gym nut. they have been trying to encourage me to return to the gym now that it is open again, but to be honest, i don't want to. not only an i not interested because of the pandemic, but i just can't see myself there as a fat guy.

the thought of being there with a fit, strong guy (who i used to have the same physique as) to compare myself to, now that i am totally out of shape, is kind of arousing... the embarrassment and humiliation appeals as a fantasy, but i don't think i could bring myself to really do it...

my girlfriend is officially smaller than she was when we met about 2 years ago. she's still a good deal bigger than i am, and still a ssbbw, but i am proud of how she has been managing her diet and fitness.

by comparison, i am at my fattest and heaviest - ever!

she is back to swimming now that pools have opened up, which is good for her joints & mobility. i have not joined her yet at the pool yet, but i intend to.

a few weeks ago she started to work out with weights, nothing serious but she wants to protect her joints and mobility since she has a fairly physical job.

she asked if i wanted to join her, but to be honest, i just can't face it. i used to be such a gym rat, i was there 3-4 times a week. when i first started to gain weight, i panicked and tried to go back to the gym to lose it, and get back in shape... i just couldn't do it. i was winded so easily, and the amount i could lift had diminished so much - i know it was pride, or ego, but i just felt like such a weakling. i couldn't be there. it felt so embarrassing.

i am only fatter now (probably 50 lbs+) and more out of shape now... and while the idea of how humiliating it would be is kind of a turn on, i just don't think i could go thru with it.

when i started to gain, going from around 150 to maybe 200 lbs, the difficulties i started to face initially scared me a little. getting winded more easily, difficulty sitting up in bed, etc.

so about a year ago i went back to the gym to try to get more fit again... oh man, it was so hard! and my pride took a big hit, too. it was embarrassing being there, so out of shape, as a fatty - and so much weaker. after years of being really fit, doing beginner stuff really hit my ego! so i didn't keep it up. i tried a few times, but eventually gave up.

since then i have put on maybe another 70 lbs or so, have hardly been active at all, and the limitations have steadily become more pervasive. i am more accepting of them now, though, and spend more energy thinking of coping strategies to deal with them (like: how can i avoid the need to go back upstairs for the rest of the day? lol!)