Munchies:
I think you have a misunderstanding about how bigotry works. A lot of times, people will say bigoted things without realizing what they are saying is bad. Sometimes, they'll say something they think is a compliment or a joke but is actually deeply harmful.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, you can explain why what they said was harmful, and they will apologize and learn from it. But most of the time, they'll minimize or dismiss what you're saying. And if you push the issue, it's common for them to go mask off and say something really bigoted.
Now, I have seen well-meaning people accuse someone of bigotry when they weren't being bigoted. However, that is rare. In the two years I've been on this site, I can count the number of "false positives" on one hand. And, once again, not understanding why something is bigoted isn't a "false positive."
Malvineous:
I see where you're coming from, but one thing I've noticed is that most people seem to be completely incapable of handling criticism on any level, even if it's constructive. Not just about bigotry, but pretty much anything. It's totally possible that someone starts off well-intentioned, is told that they said something offensive, and then their kneejerk reaction is to defend their honor tooth and nail against a false accusation in their eyes. I guess I see people's defensiveness as being more of a personality problem than an opinion problem if that makes sense, and I do feel more inclined to grant some leeway to someone who just put their foot in their mouth without thinking though what they said. Of course it really depends on a case by case basis and how inflammatory they become. There's also ways to bring it to their attention that are more likely to make them listen to you, like saying "Just so you're aware, there are a lot of people who are hurt when people say X because of Y reason", instead of trying to dunk on them or be sarcastic or condescending. If they still want to argue after being that nice about it, then you really do know where they stand.
It's nice to be nice, but it doesn't matter. If you're harming a community, you're not obligated to be treated nicely - especially by a member of the community.
I remember one time, not on here, but I said something incorrect about the lesbian experience. I thought I was being a good ally, but I wasn't. Two lesbians dunked on me, and I deserved it. So I apologized.
I bowed out of the conversation and made sure to educate myself.
I'm not trying to change hearts and minds. I tried that once upon a time until I realized how few people are willing to reevaluate their worldview by some rando on the internet. Instead, I correct misinformation and provide different viewpoint. That way those watching the exchange have access to the truth and those that disagree with the person posting bigotted information feel safe enough to say something.
