Do you think i was wrong? (kind of long)
masabear:
Wow, sounds like these people will use anything as an excuse to take a jab at you. What a miserable bunch of jerks.
MarshmallowMinotaur:
It's bullying when you really think about it. One sister says "oh get over it" or "lighten up", the other says (proudly) that they do it to my niece (her own daughter!) too. So classy. 🙄
masabear:
That poor girl, and then they are gonna give her crap later when she has no self esteem and then if she decides to get help for that they'll attack her for getting help.
Wow, sounds like these people will use anything as an excuse to take a jab at you. What a miserable bunch of jerks.
MarshmallowMinotaur:
It's bullying when you really think about it. One sister says "oh get over it" or "lighten up", the other says (proudly) that they do it to my niece (her own daughter!) too. So classy. 🙄
masabear:
That poor girl, and then they are gonna give her crap later when she has no self esteem and then if she decides to get help for that they'll attack her for getting help.
The thing is that she doesn't have a lot of self esteem to begin with, never did. I might add she's always been overweight too, and recently got out of an emotionally abusive marriage with a bully. Her ex is overweight but made fun if her. She and I probably relate the best of all.
I guess I'm not stating anything new that this is the kind of prejudice and abuse we will face. Gotta take it in stride.
8 years
I love when people notice my gain
MarshmallowMinotaur:
I don't know about women, but I think for non-gainer guys it's a matter of "meh, who cares?"
But for me for example, today I'm wearing a button front shirt that's feeling and looking pleasantly snug. It's not ready to burst asunder but the buttons are definitely pulling when I stand, even more so when I sit. I never would have worn it with my previous fatphobia. Now, I'm hoping people are thinking "he really is getting fat".
Marina:
Pics of those straining buttons? 😏
I don't know about women, but I think for non-gainer guys it's a matter of "meh, who cares?"
But for me for example, today I'm wearing a button front shirt that's feeling and looking pleasantly snug. It's not ready to burst asunder but the buttons are definitely pulling when I stand, even more so when I sit. I never would have worn it with my previous fatphobia. Now, I'm hoping people are thinking "he really is getting fat".
Marina:
Pics of those straining buttons? 😏
Of course!
8 years
Do you think i was wrong? (kind of long)
mrtubby:
They sound like a bunch of immature people to me. Good Lord, you're almost 60 and they treat you like a kid. Btw, your belly looks awesome!
They sound like a bunch of immature people to me. Good Lord, you're almost 60 and they treat you like a kid. Btw, your belly looks awesome!
Thanks for the compliment.
See, I am the "baby of the family". I also think I was resented. It was always thrown in my face how spoiled I was, called spoiled brat, and such.
A couple of years ago at a gathering a few comments were made about my tattoo. It is molon labe ("come take", being a statement of defiance) written in ancient Greek. Someone asked about it, I explained, and was immediately made a laughing stock. This was the same day my sister made a mock bow in front of others saying "oh now you worship cows!" because I passed on a London broil.
Hey wait a minute... and I thought being mocked for being fat was bad? What WAS I thinking!? rofl
8 years
Do you think i was wrong? (kind of long)
BigCanadianBabe:
I think that you did the right thing. No need to be the family's whipping boy. They sound like a mean bunch of assholes.
I think that you did the right thing. No need to be the family's whipping boy. They sound like a mean bunch of assholes.
Thanks. I never thought I'd think of them that way, but you are right. My eldest brother never says anything. My other brother's pet name for me is "hey lard-ass". I come back with either "oh f--- you" or "what mirror do you use?"
You'd expect to get comments and looks from coworkers or looks from people in restaurants or department stores (when a 5' 6" guy grabs 42s or 46s pants). But you don't because everyone else is fat!
8 years
Do you think i was wrong? (kind of long)
MarshmallowMinotaur:
I have a large family. I don't see or communicate with them very often because frankly, we don't have much to meaningfully talk about. I don't think DNA and blood necessarily a family make. There's a very large age gap between my siblings and me. I'm actually closer in age to my nieces and nephews.
Anyway, my two sisters and two of my nieces are very outspoken and opinionated.
Yesterday my brother from Arizona and his wife were at my sister's house for quite the family gathering. A few of my my nieces and nephews and their teenage children were there.
Now, I haven't seen the kids (brother's and sisters's grandchildren) since they were little tykes... basically we are strangers.
My sisters and nieces have always had something to say to me and about anything. It ranges from my few tattoos and their meanings; my food choices (I am Hindu and do not eat beef or any mammals); the fact that I became Hindu (they are Catholic when necessary); and such. I'm weird according to them.
I have put on a lot of weight since I last saw them almost three years ago. I like myself the way I am and want to gain more weight.
From past experience I know how it would go: "hey, what the hell happened to you!?"; "hey what's up with the weight?"; "you need to do something about that gut"; etc. Those are not so bad in and of themselves except that I know it would be said in front of these kids I don't know, and out loud.
I chose to not go because I've had enough of their mockery and comments, which they brush off as "teasing". The problem with this is that we range in age from 40s to 70s... we're not children.
So the question for disinterested third parties: was I right or wrong to avoid an occasion that I am 90% sure would result in my humiliation?
masabear:
I think you were right to avoid that situation. I completely agree about family not being DNA. I have lots of friends around me that I would consider family before my actual family.
If an event would make you feel uncomfortable better to stay home and be comfy than go "just because you have to". Or better yet, tell whom ever invited you you already have other plans and go do something fun, like a buffet!
I have a large family. I don't see or communicate with them very often because frankly, we don't have much to meaningfully talk about. I don't think DNA and blood necessarily a family make. There's a very large age gap between my siblings and me. I'm actually closer in age to my nieces and nephews.
Anyway, my two sisters and two of my nieces are very outspoken and opinionated.
Yesterday my brother from Arizona and his wife were at my sister's house for quite the family gathering. A few of my my nieces and nephews and their teenage children were there.
Now, I haven't seen the kids (brother's and sisters's grandchildren) since they were little tykes... basically we are strangers.
My sisters and nieces have always had something to say to me and about anything. It ranges from my few tattoos and their meanings; my food choices (I am Hindu and do not eat beef or any mammals); the fact that I became Hindu (they are Catholic when necessary); and such. I'm weird according to them.
I have put on a lot of weight since I last saw them almost three years ago. I like myself the way I am and want to gain more weight.
From past experience I know how it would go: "hey, what the hell happened to you!?"; "hey what's up with the weight?"; "you need to do something about that gut"; etc. Those are not so bad in and of themselves except that I know it would be said in front of these kids I don't know, and out loud.
I chose to not go because I've had enough of their mockery and comments, which they brush off as "teasing". The problem with this is that we range in age from 40s to 70s... we're not children.
So the question for disinterested third parties: was I right or wrong to avoid an occasion that I am 90% sure would result in my humiliation?
masabear:
I think you were right to avoid that situation. I completely agree about family not being DNA. I have lots of friends around me that I would consider family before my actual family.
If an event would make you feel uncomfortable better to stay home and be comfy than go "just because you have to". Or better yet, tell whom ever invited you you already have other plans and go do something fun, like a buffet!
Thanks. And I like the buffet idea.
My niece did send me a message a couple of weeks ago about a tentative date but no time. I never did hear anything further.
I'm not sure why I never heard back but admittedly I didn't pursue it knowing I didn't want to go anyway. Actually I think I know why... better explained by an example.
I had my first back surgery in Dec. 2010. I did not get a phone call asking how I was until Mar. 2011, three months later, and even then I was chastised for not calling *them*. Knowing I had my back sliced open you'd think they would have called. But this is the way they are.
Btw, another thing I didn't need to hear crap about is my beard. They've never seen it. It's somewhat awesome.
Anyway, despite the whine-and-cheese tone of my posts, it really does go to the issues of humiliation and judgement we face in our choice to gain weight. It's good to know that I did the right thing in avoiding what could have been a very short visit ending on a sour note.
8 years
