[quote]Munchies:
People are people, man. Like all the other women have been saying in this thread, you can't expect whole groups to be a monolith.
I don't treat groups like a monolith. I understand that a group like women is hugely varied in every regard. That's why I'm always careful to use words like "many", "tend to", etc. I personally think it's ok to notice patterns of behavior in groups of people, just as long as you understand that there will always be a lot of exceptions. It also doesn't address the cause, because social conditioning could play a part. Societal gender roles are one example of a pattern of behavior that is different between men and women, but those roles are expressed differently between individuals, and some reject it completely. Those people are the exceptions, they are in the minority, so they get left out of such discussions, mostly for the sake of brevity. Including such disclaimers every time can really bog down a conversation. I just assume that most people are mentally mature enough to understand this basic fact about human nature.
Munchies:
Since this is the crux of the issue, the purpose of your example is confusing. Because it's not a 1 v 1 situation.
What I was originally saying was that men and women, on average, have different factors that they find sexually attractive in a partner (not valuable, just sexy). For men, a huge part of that is physical. For women, different factors are more attractive. Because of that, a direct 1 v 1 comparison is impossible, because if someone's partner lost the factors that men like, women would still be attracted to something else about them. What I was attempting to do is provide a functional equivalent, where her partner lost most of the factors that women are attracted to. Keep in mind the inverse is also true. In the depression scenario, if the genders were reversed, most men would also be frustrated and might not tolerate it either, but they would still find her sexy as long as her appearance didn't change too much.
Munchies:
Shallow people are concerned with the superficial, the outward appearance. It may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
Malvineous:
In that case, I don't think OP is shallow at all. In his first post, he said he sometimes sees people he's physically attracted to, but doesn't like "their personality, morale or view on life". He said he does meet women who he's not attracted to, but "with whom I share at least some intellectual and psycological common ground, and where things are fun and drama free." The entire point of his thread was to ask about the logistics of dating someone you like as a person but don't find attractive. In the scenario you gave where she lost weight, I answered that "he would probably still be in love with her and care about her deeply, and would still value the marriage" but would essentially have erectile dysfunction when he's with her. Does this sound like someone who only cares about outward appearance to you?
The reason this discussion focuses so heavily on sexual attraction is because he's still in the stage where he's looking for a partner. At that point, attraction is like the base foundation that qualifies someone for possibly dating. If a guy is trying to meet women in the club, he'll scan the environment looking at people. His eye will be caught by someone sexy, and he'll approach. If a guy approaches a woman and is totally unappealing off rip, she will probably dismiss him quickly. If both find each other attractive, then a conversation can take place and you can build from there onto other things.
You didn't provide a functional equivalent. I don't think you realize that who a woman is attracted to and who she'll form a relationship with is a Venn Diagram. There are also plenty of men out there who will still find their SO's attractive as their bodies change. It's super common in long-term relationships.
The issue people are having with OP has been explicitly stated several times by several people - myself included. But since you missed it, I will repeat it. OP has explicitly said that if a woman isn't a feedee, he can't feel sexual attraction towards them. However, he's met a number of women that he feels are perfectly lovely in every other aspect. So he wants to settle and have a relationship with a woman he cannot feel sexual attraction towards.
Basically, said woman could not be sexually fulfilled while they are together. And OP isn't interested in sharing either, so it extra sucks for said woman. Doesn't help that what he said comes off as fetishizing and objectifying women.
