Enas:
Im talking about the lack of socialization in general. People rarely talk with other people of different age groups (that also have more experience on almost all aspects of life)

I mean the topic is kinda... Why not female feeders around? I have a few ideas. think of a very stereotypical bad male attitude. Dude that exclusively hangs out "with the boys" and never gets taught why to respect women (and other people in general) but instead his social enviroment pushes him in the direction of the attitude that to have a girlfriend is a man's trophy.

That's a very specific example, but in general the problem is ignorance on people, i think. Wich is caused by the lack of care for the reasons i mentioned earlier. I hope my point is at least somewhat clear?

Munchies:
It is clearer, yes.

I don't think it's entirely ignorance. There are many a guy who knows better but chooses not to be. You see it a lot from the guys who are cheating on their wives. But the worse ones are the "enlightened men".


These guys think that because the have all the "correct opinions" they are good people. But they still feel entitled to women for being "a good person."

I encounter both groups fairly regularly. The cheaters will treat women in ways their spouses wouldn't tolerate. The enlightened men will say all the right words for a while. However, if they are called out for saying or doing something out of picket, they will lash out.

Still, you're not entirely wrong.

Enas:
Can you described in a bit more depth those enlightened ones? I don't think I've come across one to be fair (or at least haven't noticed) im really curious about it

Munchies:
You see it a lot with so-called "progressive" men. They'll tell you they believe in women's right, LGBTQIA+ rights, stand against racism, and all the other good things. But sometimes, they'll say something that's a little messed up. Maybe they'll make a racially insensitive joke or say something casually misogynistic.

I won't hold that part against them. To err is human and even the most progressive person will mess up. However, what makes these men stand out is that they've made "being a good person" their entire personality. So any time you point out something they shouldn't have said or done, they can't handle it.

They'll make all kinds of excuses as to why you're being too sensitive. Sometimes they'll try to gaslight you and accuse you of things you never did or said.

I remember one time talking to a white man in chat a long time ago. This was before I was comfortable revealing my race. The man was fairly progressive, so I eventually mentioned that I was black.

The guy was chill about it at first. And then he made a comment about loving how sassy black women are. Now, I am a sassy black woman, but I am not sassy because I'm black. And there are plenty of black women who aren't sassy.

I wasn't offended by what he said, but I did point out the inaccuracy of his statement. I expected him to say something along the lines of "oops, my bad" and then we'd move on. But no. The man had a melt down instead. Started accusing me of hating white men.

It was super weird, so I dipped.

Munchies:
That's not what I'm getting at. I won't deny that men and women approach things differently. But a lot of that is nurture over nature.

Here's a quick and dirty about what I mean:

psychcentral.com/blog/love-matters/2018/08/why-we-choose-the-mates-we-do-and-how-to-choose-the-best-mate-for-you

I've never put much stock in the opinions of evolutionary psychology. It has a male, white, Western, cishet, traditional viewpoint. And while there's nothing wrong with being a white Western cishet traditional man, you have to admit it has a very limited viewpoint.

Enas:
Or the lack of nurture. The amount of people who sadly end up having their lives sacrificed for the profit motive (instead of doing other thigns like taking *good* care of children) seems to be growing by the day!

Munchies:
Enas, I am confused. How does this tie in into anything either party has said?

Enas:
Im talking about the lack of socialization in general. People rarely talk with other people of different age groups (that also have more experience on almost all aspects of life)

I mean the topic is kinda... Why not female feeders around? I have a few ideas. think of a very stereotypical bad male attitude. Dude that exclusively hangs out "with the boys" and never gets taught why to respect women (and other people in general) but instead his social enviroment pushes him in the direction of the attitude that to have a girlfriend is a man's trophy.

That's a very specific example, but in general the problem is ignorance on people, i think. Wich is caused by the lack of care for the reasons i mentioned earlier. I hope my point is at least somewhat clear?

Munchies:
It is clearer, yes.

I don't think it's entirely ignorance. There are many a guy who knows better but chooses not to be. You see it a lot from the guys who are cheating on their wives. But the worse ones are the "enlightened men".


These guys think that because the have all the "correct opinions" they are good people. But they still feel entitled to women for being "a good person."

I encounter both groups fairly regularly. The cheaters will treat women in ways their spouses wouldn't tolerate. The enlightened men will say all the right words for a while. However, if they are called out for saying or doing something out of picket, they will lash out.

Still, you're not entirely wrong.

Enas:
Unfortunately i have a really hard time with finding romantic attraction to other people (who whould welcome it) one very good friend of mine, a litteral sweetheart, stopped talking to me because of really bad mental health problems. A lot of people in my college, i find them immature in a toxic sense.

One person i really like is a fellow nb but they're also in a relationship.

I really want it but i dont have the best social skills to find a romantic partner. I don't have great luck so far :/

Mrman1980uk:
I would suggest working on learning social skills. These are learnable (even though they come naturally to many people), but learning does take time and effort.

It won't necessarily fully solve your problem (these things are inherently hard for everyone), but it may help.

Yeah, I don't hate the good ones, but they know who they are.

Men who don't understand the social order and just want to gain stuff.

They also don't understand how men and women select mates in other ways, and that girls don't want the things that dudes like.

Of course, doing this with other men works out fine, to be honest, even better in hetero relationships, as they are both fully eager whenever.

Straight men acting like gay men towards women means it just won't work.

I hate it, and what's worse, those people are the ones firing off the most DMs, PMs, and replies, as they can't find someone.

Munchies:
I wouldn't say men and women necessarily choose their SOs differently. If you are socialized a certain way, you'll look for an SO like you've been raised to look for one. But if you look up how men and women choose partners, you'll find variations. And if you hang out with enough people, you'll realize there's no gender-specific guideline.

Heck, when my partner and I met, we'd planned for it to be a one-off bit of fun. But it organically grew into something more.

This boils down to a basic lack of respect and seeing women as objects instead of people.

LydiaFatOttter:
Not to go too 100% nerd on you, but there is a thing that sex plays in mate selection, but this is the wrong place for a science talk.

Also, someone like me who has seen both sides of the gender experience, there is 100% a difference.

Munchies:
That's not what I'm getting at. I won't deny that men and women approach things differently. But a lot of that is nurture over nature.

Here's a quick and dirty about what I mean:

psychcentral.com/blog/love-matters/2018/08/why-we-choose-the-mates-we-do-and-how-to-choose-the-best-mate-for-you

I've never put much stock in the opinions of evolutionary psychology. It has a male, white, Western, cishet, traditional viewpoint. And while there's nothing wrong with being a white Western cishet traditional man, you have to admit it has a very limited viewpoint.

Enas:
Or the lack of nurture. The amount of people who sadly end up having their lives sacrificed for the profit motive (instead of doing other thigns like taking *good* care of children) seems to be growing by the day!

Munchies:
Enas, I am confused. How does this tie in into anything either party has said?

Yeah, I don't hate the good ones, but they know who they are.

Men who don't understand the social order and just want to gain stuff.

They also don't understand how men and women select mates in other ways, and that girls don't want the things that dudes like.

Of course, doing this with other men works out fine, to be honest, even better in hetero relationships, as they are both fully eager whenever.

Straight men acting like gay men towards women means it just won't work.

I hate it, and what's worse, those people are the ones firing off the most DMs, PMs, and replies, as they can't find someone.

Munchies:
I wouldn't say men and women necessarily choose their SOs differently. If you are socialized a certain way, you'll look for an SO like you've been raised to look for one. But if you look up how men and women choose partners, you'll find variations. And if you hang out with enough people, you'll realize there's no gender-specific guideline.

Heck, when my partner and I met, we'd planned for it to be a one-off bit of fun. But it organically grew into something more.

This boils down to a basic lack of respect and seeing women as objects instead of people.

LydiaFatOttter:
Not to go too 100% nerd on you, but there is a thing that sex plays in mate selection, but this is the wrong place for a science talk.

Also, someone like me who has seen both sides of the gender experience, there is 100% a difference.

Munchies:
That's not what I'm getting at. I won't deny that men and women approach things differently. But a lot of that is nurture over nature.

Here's a quick and dirty about what I mean:

psychcentral.com/blog/love-matters/2018/08/why-we-choose-the-mates-we-do-and-how-to-choose-the-best-mate-for-you

I've never put much stock in the opinions of evolutionary psychology. It has a male, white, Western, cishet, traditional viewpoint. And while there's nothing wrong with being a white Western cishet traditional man, you have to admit it has a very limited viewpoint.