Munchies:
Hello fellow human with body dysmorphia. You are not weird or bad for feeling how you are feeling. You are also not a failure for gaining either.
To be very clear, I am not telling you that you need to get over your emotions and embrace the fat life. I am also not saying you need to hunker down and lose everything you gained. But you are valid no matter your shape.
Are you seeing a therapist about this?
Glitter Jelly:
Yes, I think I might have body dysmorphia. It was never diagnosed but I relate to the experience.
I'm on sick leave and my employer has a program where you get to have 6 (actually 5 because the first appointment is only the therapist asking you questions so they can pinpoint the most pressing issues in your life right now).
Mine is going to help me accept my fat body more. I'm a long way to body positivity but if I can at least achieve body neutrality that would be a step in the right direction.
I know she wants me to become more active because it would help with my mood, but I can't help but hear "you need to get off your lazy ass you fat pig" when she says that. I've always associated exercise to weight loss.
She says she's not going to help me lose weight, that it's not the objective, but it's like I'm allergic to the words "try to be more active"!
The fact my bf keeps saying how beautiful I am, that his former gf were fatter than I am and that he would still have found me beautiful when I was at my highest weight (he's seen pictures) should help but I feel this will have to come from me.
He used to be much fatter himself and, like me, he has loose skin. At least loving his body has helped me realize loose skin isn't as ugly as I used to think otherwise I wouldn't love his body. And it's soft than normal skin, too... I love stroking his underarms and inner thighs.
Glad you have people like them in your life.
Something that helps me is looking at myself and finding something I like about myself every day.