Sorry that you have been ill :-(

Fwiw, my wife had hit a peak of ~240 lbs at around 25 y.o., lost a chunk (peak loss was 30-40 pounds), then came back to that peak, or a bit beyond, 18 years later. So a lot of years, plus one pregnancy, as well as the loss/ gain.

This time she has more in her belly and arms, less in the lower thigh, and less around her face, and I think not as plump hands/feet.

Deliberately getting fat is super hot, but innately it can only last for so long. Being fat can be for always

It is a bit like the intensity of falling in love, versus the long term comfort of being in love.

At this point in my life, I'll take the long term. (And have some hot fantasies about the transitional stuff)

Years ago, my wife was going to be living out of town for four months for a school thing. I'd drifted up to about two hundred by then, and felt that I was close to finally being fat (I'm only 5'8" so I thought I'd relax my food vigilance while she was gone, enjoy eating what I wanted more and maybe gain ten pounds to get solidly over 200, and maybe feel fat.

Once I relaxed my usual controls, the amount I ate began to escalate quickly as I discovered just how much I actually wanted to eat. After four weeks I'd already put on the ten pounds, panicked, stopped gaining, started trying to lose it.

I never did get back below 207, and am more like 227 these days despite trying to stay in control on the food front. But ever since that experience I occasionally have to cut lose and pig out for a day or three, because it feels so amazing. I'm pretty sure if I cut lose for any amount of time that I'd be in the upper two hundreds very quickly.

Peanut butter-- either in a sandwich (delish with nutella!) Or just take a big spoonful as you are passing by. And not too high in sugar, depending on brand.

Or if you just want the most convenient calories possible for snacking, pop tarts are 200 calories per tart--1600 per box of 8-- cheap, and you can eat them almost anywhere, anytime. But they are kind of a blend of refined sugar and trans fats, so consume at your own risk.

Grapes. Wash up a big bag of them, then they are really easy to keep snacking on, and make a break from some of the heavier stuff.

If you can stand it and afford it, half-n-half instead of regular milk. A lot more fat and calories.

Fruit juice can be an easy way to drink calories, but again all sugar, so if you don't want too much sugar I'd lean more on the milk/cream.

Personally I find that less than an hour after eating oatmeal for breakfast I'm ravenous, so could start your day with a big bowl of that, then have second breakfast a bit later.

I hope that was some help :-)

It is only a lack of self control if you want to control yourself, but can't.

For a lot of people here I think it is more "I should control myself, but no don't really want to...". At which point of course you don't.

I’d argue that it is possible to be at least moderately fat and moderately fit at the same time. I think I have a pretty good personal example at hand:

We (my wife and I, both in our mid-forties) re-laid out our patio this weekend. In preparation on Thursday I dug out the new area, and my wife had already removed all the concrete pavers. While waiting for gravel deliver on Friday, my wife and I took a bike ride to get groceries then took a walk to pick up some lunch and other supplies. After the gravel was delivered to the front of the house, my wife and I shifted the several tons of it from where it had been delivered around to the back, spread it around, leveled it, and pounded it down with a hand tamper. On Saturday we did the final fine smoothing and leveling of the gravel (a good hour of being hunched over and doing fine, controlled work), then spread and leveled sand, put the paving stones back, added edging, and brushed in finishing sand.

We had a couple of broken blocks, so had to make a run to the store to get replacements. On the way my wife commented that she thought something was wrong with our scale, as it was telling her she weighed two hundred and forty pounds, and she’d never been that heavy before. I admitted that it was telling me that I was two-twenty-seven, also my heaviest, but based on some other scales I thought that was at least roughly correct.

On Sunday we were both stiff, but that didn’t stop us from biking where we needed to go in the morning and taking a walk in the afternoon--basically still able to go and usefully do stuff after a couple of days of a fair bit of manual labor. I think that is a fair definition of being at least moderately fit?

I guess a lot of this is how it makes you feel. So this one may not seem like a big deal to most people, but it felt likely a hugely fat thing to me.

Having maxed out the stretch in the waistband of my favorite shorts but still finding them rather tight, especially when sitting, I was facing an uncomfortable day. So I discarded my usual belt, folded the waistband down once to put it under my love handles, and folded it over a second time at the front to put it below most of my belly, making the shorts quite comfortable. I threw on a longish golf shirt over top of that, and went around like that all day Sunday, belly feeling very free with only the knit top over it.

Otherwise, how have you enjoyed it?

Ouch! That must have been tough.

Caution – wall o’words ahead! (I may have spent way too much time thinking about this stuff over the years…..)

Obviously this stuff varies a lot from person to person, but even more so across the gender divide. I’m going to toss out some experience and thoughts, but I do understand that in this area in particular guy-stuff and girl-stuff isn’t always the same.

First of all, I’d agree that you want to wrap your heads around this now, because decades of issues are not a good plan. Secondly, if it is an issue now when you are young and pumping as much hormones as blood through your veins (yes, that is an exaggeration) it isn’t apt to get better later, IMO. Third, in this sort of area, the more you worry or stress about it, the less well anything is apt to work, so not getting stuck in a vicious cycle is a good plan! So good on you for addressing it rather than pushing the concerns aside.

Some questions.

Are all your fat related ‘hot-buttons’ feeding and weight-gain related? Or to put it another way, are your issues that you don’t think he is an FA or that you don’t think he is a feeder? If he is turned on by whatever degree of chubby that you are, but wasn’t turned on feeding you or you gaining weight, would that make any difference? For that matter, are your fantasies all about you, or does other people being fat, getting fed, gaining weight, etc turn you on? (if it does, perhaps that makes it easier to externalize your fantasies?)

Are you sure he isn’t some degree of an FA? He may not be hard-core, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you because of your chubby body rather than despite it. And even if he isn’t into chubbiness in general he might be into rounder, softer, bums, or the tapered shape that chubby thighs have, or the softened face, etc. Unless he knows that you like it, why would he ever offend his girlfriend by telling her he likes anything about her being fat? (since that is tantamount to calling her fat, which is supposedly about the worst thing you can tell a woman).

Do you have any other kinks that you might be able to leverage? As in, if your feeding fantasies are ‘sub’ related (and they may not be, there are all sorts of different ways to fantasize weight gain….but as an example, if they are), perhaps you could see if you can expand your fantasies to other sub type activities, and see if he has any dom type tendencies?

For that matter, have you managed to get him to reveal any of his preferences, quirks, or fetishes? Granted that if he is your age, the hormonal amplifier can make pretty much anything that isn’t an outright turn-off seem pretty hot, so he may not have figured out the signal from the noise just yet (at least that is my recollection of that age). But the plus side of that is things that are lesser turn-ons for him may still be entirely enough of a turn-on to arouse him, so it could be a good time to work on anything where you can establish any degree of sexual common ground.

You said you would not be comfortable revealing your fetish to him, which is very understandable. But could you be brave enough to talk about some of the implications of it? Just maybe that could create enough of a bridge, make you more comfortable, etc that it might be enough. Things like:

- After seeing a diet ad or something “I know everyone expects me to be insecure about my body because I’m chubby, but honestly I’ve never really wanted to be thin. I like being curvy and cuddly, and even having a squishy little tummy.” (that could give him permission to be more open about liking some of those parts of your body)
- or after a good meal together “I know this is pretty weird, but there is something about having a tummy full of good food that puts me in a frisky mood. So now you know my weakness, save the money on roses, put it into dinner—just don’t abuse it too much or you know the consequences.” (which may make him more eager to see you eat well, and you have even openly told him that if he keeps you eating well you’ll probably gain weight).
- Or “My breasts are a little tender right now, could you go easy on them tonight? Gentle kisses on them would still be good—and gentle kisses on my tummy, too, please.” (look, he wants to turn you on, you are giving him directions, if it works he is not going to complain)

FWIW, my sexuality is all tied up in fat stuff (I’m chubby, an FA, and a mutual gainer at heart), while my wife has a sexuality that seems more aligned with being a sub. I apparently cannot do dom stuff in a useful sort of way (nor does it do anything for me, my take on sex is much more a mutual pleasuring of two people working together as equals, with no power transfer involved), so our sexualities don’t naturally intersect very well. But for a lot of years the fact that I’d want sex and could be the aggressor was just enough for my wife, and the fact that she loves food and had gained a fair bit of weight over the early years of