While I agree that this opens up the playing field a bit, in my own experience, many fat women react adversely to having their fatness sexualized. It's counterintuitive but more common than you might think.

I once opened up to a former girlfriend about my fetish. She never really accepted it, and then started actively trying to lose weight and insisted she was doing it for me. Now, it would have been understandable if she had said she was doing it for *herself*, but it didn't make sense that she knew of my preferences and still thought I would be more attracted to her if she lost weight.

Though not as rare as true feedees, my hunch is that fat women who are truly OK with being fat are still relatively rare.

You mentioned that you've been with your partner for nearly four years now, which is a fairly long-term relationship. You've made it this far and apparently it wasn't a dealbreaker, so what has changed? You've told her about your fetish and she didn't run, and that's a very good thing.

I guess the question now is, has it become an insurmountable problem for both/either of you? So there may not be fireworks all the time in the sexual sense...is that something you both can live with? Even if she would never actually gain weight for you, is she willing to compromise and engage in fantasizing about it with you? It may never be the same as fulfilling your fetish for real, but something is better than nothing, right?

It sounds like otherwise you have a solid relationship. But all relationships have stumbling blocks, and it sounds like this fetish just happens to be yours.

My advice would be to hang on to a good thing. It's not worth risking your happiness in other aspects of your life on the off-chance that you may find fulfillment in a one single aspect of it.

Even if you were lucky enough to find someone else who shares the fetish, that relationship also would have its own inevitable share of problems. Why let the perfect be the enemy of the good?

Your concerns are well-founded. The male-to-female and feeder-to-feedee ratio on this site and others like it is ridiculously disproportionate. Do you really want to have dozens of others in direct competition with you over each and every prospect?

Not to mention, members are spread out all over the world, so the slim chance (no pun intended) that you will find someone who lives within a reasonable distance of you *and* who wants a romantic relationship, makes abandoning a current relationship an iffy proposition at best.

I don't have any easy answers as far as the likely impact on your sex life. That is also a real concern. But I think this is a "the grass is always greener on the other side" situation. I would say, first try your damndest to make it work somehow in the context of your current relationship.

You may find a brief fling here or there to accommodate this fetish, but the odds of finding someone who is into all this and compatible with you in other ways, are probably not in your favor. It gives me no pleasure to be so brutally honest about this, but I speak from experience. And I know there are quite a few others here who share this frustration. It sucks, but that is the truth.

Wow, thanks for this information. Very interesting. Sorry it did not have the desired effect. (I assume you were hoping for the therapy to work, having devoted 18+ months to it.)

I think it means the person either was banned by the admins or nuked their own account. In any event, they're not a member anymore.

You might want to see a therapist who specializes in sexual disorders. As I understand it, treatment involves gradual reconditioning so that you train yourself to focus on and enjoy more "vanilla" sexual stimuli. I have never undergone this kind of therapy myself, so I can't say how effective it is, but I would say that if this fetish (or more accurately, paraphilia) causes you daily frustration and anguish, it is well worth a shot.

In general, though, I would avoid seeking advice here or on similar sites, because you probably will get a lot of people trying to dissuade you from seeking help. I think people are mostly well-meaning, but let's face it, it is a somewhat threatening idea that something that seems so ingrained into your whole being can be "cured." Again, though, if it really bothers you and/or interferes with healthy relationships, it might be important to consider treatment as an option.

While I try to find outlets for my own feederism as well as I can, if I'm being completely honest, I think overall I would be much happier and better adjusted without it. I can say for sure that all of my sexual relationships would have been MUCH easier and probably more fulfilling. I'd venture a guess that a fair number of people here feel the same way in regard to their own experiences, whether they'd admit it publicly or not. If I had it to do all over again, I'd rid myself of this burden in a heartbeat, no question. This is a controversial stance to take on a site like this, but there it is.

No offense to FF or anyone here, but trust me, you won't want to find yourself ten years down the line having to rely on sites like this in an effort to make basic connections with others in similar straits.

Good luck in coming to terms with this, whatever you decide to do.