What you've said rings true for me also. There were a few years in my early teens where I was a bit chubby. I have a family that has very negative views on fatness. Along with being picked on, especially by my hockey coach and other kids. Through all those years I always wore a shirt when swimming. I was then diagnosed with a chronic health issue and have been pretty much underweight for decades until very recently. The only times I didn't wear a shirt swimming was after meeting my wife when I was very underweight. It's taken me years to come to terms and work through it all. I'm still not there 100%.
I'm sure I'm gonna have to confront it or figure it out. We moved to Cape Cod for my wife's work a couple years ago and live within walking distance to the beach lol! Yet the whole time we've lived here we haven't gone to the beach. While I've been happily gaining and gotten past some of the caring what others thinks. I'm still working on not caring and accepting myself 100%. Wish you the best! If you figure it out let me know lol

Thankfully we live in the best time period so far in all of humanities time on this planet to get as huge as you want. What a time to be alive when in some countries being fat is more common than not. Along with the internet allowing us all to find others like us. Then, if you get super huge you might even get paid to be on TV about how huge you are. Craziness! Lol

Not really food, but heavy cream. The taste and mouth feel doesnt bother me like it does for some. I like it actually. I can chug it easily. I do limit myself and spread it out through the day so I don't drink too much that my body can't digest it. If I had the extra money to keep my fridge stocked with heavy cream... I'd be gigantic lol.

A few times seeing myself in a mirror or picture. But mostly when I put on clothes I haven't worn in a little bit and they either don't fit or are skin tight. Also when parts start to jiggle. From either running, while in the car, etc.

Come on over! The food portions and amount of food you can get for the money is insane when compared to some other countries. There wouldn't be TV shows called "My 600lb life" if this wasn't the land of fatness. Although I think Mexico and some Pacific islands are actually fatter than the US.
I just imagine people who go live on some of those islands start off skinny and just blow up rapidly from living there lol.

As for the question of the post. Yes, not a real envy but more of a "I can't wait to be that fat" or "I'd love to be that fat" when seeing people who have a similar body type but are fatter.

My parents have commented on my weight gain. My mom especially since she not only has an eating disorder, but she was fat as a teen because she had surgery and couldn't move much. She got teased a lot back then. Which resulted in the earing disorder and in her mind being fat is the worst thing ever.

But, this is your life and choice. No one else's. They can say things all they want. But at the end of the day she doesn't get a say in how you live your life. Best wishes!

For the most part, no one cares what you buy at the grocery store. Heavy cream is used for all sorts of recipes. People are far too busy doing their own thing to probably even notice. Even if they do see you buying a bunch of heavy cream and ask about it, just say you are baking. There are also many grocery stores with self checkouts.

The bigger issue with heavy cream is it's expensive! Look around to find which one has it cheapest. Walmart with the grocery stores in them is where I've found it cheapest.

Edit: and in regards to the roommate. Obviously don't chug it straight from the carton while they are standing in front of you. Otherwise, just say it's for your coffee or tea. Or you have some recipes you wanna try that it calls for. Since the vast majority of people think gaining weight is something no one wants, it's probably the last thought your roommate will have seeing heavy cream in the fridge. Best wishes!

Gaining weight is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes an excess of 3500 calories to gain just 1lb of body fat. That is 3500 in excess of the 2000 - 2500 calories you need just to exist. Try a weight gain calculator or do the math of how many calories you are taking in each day. It should give you a good idea of how much and how fast you'll gain.

Also with heavy cream it can take a few weeks for your body to get used to the excess calories and fat. To be able to digest it properly. You also don't want to drink more than 1000 calories worth every 4-6 hours. Or something like that. As your body can only digest so many calories so fast. More than anything just keep at it. I've used heavy cream to go from about 145 to 220 in less than a year. Even with taking a few months break here and there. Best of luck!

When my wife and I met she was about 140ish. Now over the years of her not only letting go since I told her I liked when she had gained and her enjoying letting go, she is a bit over 300lbs now.

Finally, things have settled in our life and I wanted to gain to be as big or bigger than her. She is all for it and has been encouraging my gain now. Which has been amazing on so many levels. Being able to enjoy this fetish/kink with your spouse has to be some of the best things in life. Open and honest communication with your spouse is the foundation of any good relationship. I'd talk to her, and see what she says. You may be pleasantly surprised. Best of luck!

I think the replies nailed it right on the head. Of course, there are gay and Bi men. OP being straight doesn't mean men of those sexualities can't look at nice pics . Also, as mentioned, getting inspiration or to imagine what oneself would look like at different sizes. I'm straight and married, but have made friends with many gay and bi men in the community. Even straight ones just looking to get gaining tips and ideas. Or just a friend to share their gaining journey. Also as was mentioned, I'd take it as a compliment! Lol