I remember a videogame called Paper Mario. In one of the chapters, you meet a Shy Guy (one of the ones in red coats wearing masks) who's obese. I can't remember his name, it's probably just 'Fat Guy'. The moment I saw this character for the first time I was shocked, maybe because he was just like the rest (and there's a lot of them, all the same and neverending), but he was different, he was the only different one because he had allowed himself to succumb to his desires.

I immediately closed the door of my room and started to put everything I encountered under my shirt. Like not only on the belly, I wraped scarves around my arms and put on like a thousand jumpers. I even stole a bra from my house and put it on with socks inside to emulate manboobs. I just wanted to be as fat as that fat guy.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I was so aroused by the looks of my own body like that, that I was shivering. I was fat and it made me so happy.

In a way I guess when we pad we create a fat persona version of ourselves, and we bring it out of the corners of our minds to the physical world. They stop being ghosts, what-if's that we only fantasise about, we can see them, we make them inhabit our bodies and for a while it's as if we were them. I was a kid when I did that, like a pre teen. Maybe I was 12.

At the same time, when the arousal goes away and the "what the hell am I doing?" feeling kicks in, all you have to do is take out the padding and put it away, and nothing happened here. You don't have to feel remorse for having let yourself lose your "perfect" figure forever, and you don't have to wait more than a few minutes to see yourself morbidly obese.

I never told anyone about my "Fat Guy" experience until now, and even today 20 years later I do it because I know my identity is kept secret. As kids I guess we're exploring our bodies, and it's bloody frightening to be faced suddenly with the possibility of fucking up your body and your image permanently. Padding sounds like a natural way to "play fat", and then being able to go back to being fit in the blink of an eye.

Now 20 years later I've realised that becoming obese is the right choice, and that it was always a matter of time. I just wasted those 20 years that I could have been fat and happy, and I'm trying to gain as much as I can and as quickly as I can, and then I hope I can be obese for the rest of my life because thats who I want to be, who I always wanted to be. I don't know if i'll be bold enough to stay obese forever, but at least I know I don't want to die without knowing how it feels and thinking to myself "you never dared, and what did you win? Nothing".

So if there's any youngsters reading this, my experience is that you should put down that cushion and stick a spoon of whatever treat you enjoy the most into your mouth, then keep the spoons coming and never stop until that fat persona you've imagined becomes who you are. And yes, you're right, you'll be sacrificing some of your health. But you'll be true to yourself and live a plentiful life, you'll live your own life and not someone else's, or a prefabricated one that your social groups and the media have shoved into you without asking. You'll set that fat version of yourself free, you'll become that version of yourself, and then logically YOU Will be free.

Right now that would be a dream come true, I would touch every cm of my blubber softly and tenderly, never wanting to believe it but at the same time wanting it to be true. I would be immediately aroused in a way I've never been before, probably would start to shiver in pleasure, feeling the fatness both from the inside and the outside. I'd sink into my double (triple?) chin and try to feel every fold of it, imemrsed in all my fatness as if I were floating on the sea, only I am the sea. It would be the most pleasurabel experience of my whole life.

Wow, you're all so fat, I wish I were like you! I was 154 at the begining of January. My goal is 220, I want to be obese!

Not a girl, but friends sounds good.