Glitter Jelly:
Maybe you're right, but I need to wear large sometimes and I do have a belly roll between my waistband and breasts which is quite noticeable when I bend over or squat.

Even when I was thin, my thighs and arms would draw attention to the fact I once was much bigger because they didn't skrink so much as became empty and saggy. With my breast (I suspect because of the elevated prolactin), my legs and upper arms were the first place that the fat went back to.

At my thinnest (90 lbs), I almost had a thigh gap, but I'm not sure people could see it. I just felt my thighs weren't rubbing anymore. Now they seem to rub even more than when I was 40+ heavier, and they touch almost down to my knees.

This not only makes me look out of proportion, it changed the way I walk because they get in the way of one another, if that makes sense. I've seen someone describe this as thighs "rolling" against each other.

Because of this I can't walk as fast as just 20 lbs ago, which I didn't expect to happen that quick.

I bet my fat % is close to what it used to be because when I was obese I was carrying all that weight around all the time so you have to have muscle. When I lost half my year in a little more than a year, I lost a lot of muscle too and I didn't get most of it back as I hate exercise.

I have years of trauma related to PE classes that I need to address with a therapist before I can start moving a little. Otherwise I have to bully myself into doing it, and the inner talk isn't healthy to say the least. It's probably the ED voice because even I wouldn't talk to myself this harshly.

Munchies:
Yeah, this is definitely the trauma and the ED talking. I know you are having hormone issues. But there are a lot of people outside of this community who find women like you attractive.

This, of course, does not excuse the perv being gross and creepy.

Still, I strongly recommend you speak to a therapist. I wish you nothing but the best on your healing journey.

Glitter Jelly:
I was supposed to address this in therapy but when they subjected me to an "expert" evaluation (I'm on sick leave for burn-out and depressive symptoms), the original treatment plan went haywire when I started having more frequent suicidal ideas.

I still don't know what is going to happen. Waiting for that doctor's report, which will determine if I'm mentally sick enough to receive disability income, is definitely not helping my mental health.

Munchies:
Pain and suffering. I'm glad you are getting some help, even though things feel like a hot mess. Sometimes, progress can feel like chaos, but it is still progress.

I have noticed that you've been negatively hyper-fixating on your body image recently. Are you okay? Are you safe?

Glitter Jelly:
Maybe you're right, but I need to wear large sometimes and I do have a belly roll between my waistband and breasts which is quite noticeable when I bend over or squat.

Even when I was thin, my thighs and arms would draw attention to the fact I once was much bigger because they didn't skrink so much as became empty and saggy. With my breast (I suspect because of the elevated prolactin), my legs and upper arms were the first place that the fat went back to.

At my thinnest (90 lbs), I almost had a thigh gap, but I'm not sure people could see it. I just felt my thighs weren't rubbing anymore. Now they seem to rub even more than when I was 40+ heavier, and they touch almost down to my knees.

This not only makes me look out of proportion, it changed the way I walk because they get in the way of one another, if that makes sense. I've seen someone describe this as thighs "rolling" against each other.

Because of this I can't walk as fast as just 20 lbs ago, which I didn't expect to happen that quick.

I bet my fat % is close to what it used to be because when I was obese I was carrying all that weight around all the time so you have to have muscle. When I lost half my year in a little more than a year, I lost a lot of muscle too and I didn't get most of it back as I hate exercise.

I have years of trauma related to PE classes that I need to address with a therapist before I can start moving a little. Otherwise I have to bully myself into doing it, and the inner talk isn't healthy to say the least. It's probably the ED voice because even I wouldn't talk to myself this harshly.

Munchies:
Yeah, this is definitely the trauma and the ED talking. I know you are having hormone issues. But there are a lot of people outside of this community who find women like you attractive.

This, of course, does not excuse the perv being gross and creepy.

Still, I strongly recommend you speak to a therapist. I wish you nothing but the best on your healing journey.

Ateitall:
Gas station honey buns are 👀 loaded!
Tasty cake honey buns are like 590 calories.

Jackywantstogain:
Is it just me or is it more comfortable to wear only a T-shirt and no pants/underwear around the house?

I think it’s cause my underwear and pants are getting too small for me hehe

HueOrdner:
Sorry, I need to blow off some steam here:

Absolutely every guy I show interest in tells me he wants to lose weight. Because you gotta lose weight if a pretty girl shows interest in you, otherwise you'll lose her, right? Some say it immediately, some mention it after a few dates.
For some reason 30kg seems to be the magic number here. It's the amount every guy wants to lose. Though, sometimes it's 50kg too.

If I know the guy a little better I will tell him that I find him attractive the way he is and that he doesn't have to lose weight for me, but it doesn't do anything. Once I even told a guy straight out on the first date that I'm not attracted to skinny people, but it didn't change much.

Maybe the guys really are doing it for themselves and that would be absolutely fine (although sad for me, haha), but to me it seems like they are doing it out of insecurity.
At this point with some guys any activities that involve food like eating out or cooking together stop being fun because they keep complaining about how fat they are and how much they are eating. Often without changing anything. Or they start eating very little and count calories. Other guys might avoid activities that include food as much as possible.

This makes me feel bad like myself. I am very happy with my body and eating habits right now, but I struggled with an eating disorder almost 10 years ago and I feel like this kind of behavior triggers me. It makes me wonder if I am also too fat and should diet too. It's such an awful feeling.

I don't want to be with someone who is so negative. I want to be with someone who enjoys life and likes to indulge in its pleasures.
But I can't seem to find someone like that. Am I just attracting dreadful people? Or are 99% of fat men just incredibly insecure?? I just want to be with someone who is self-confident and has a positive outlook on life.

And it's not like I'm against a guy staying fit. I obviously want them to be as healthy as possible.
I like being active myself. I love to dance and go for long walks or hikes. And of course I would like to do these activities with my partner. But I would like them to stay chubby while being active. I sometimes wish it was different, but skinny or muscular is just not my type. I wanna be with a guy who is like a sumo wrestler. Someone who is fat but still strong and fit.

Munchies:
We don't talk about it as much since women have it worse, but men also deal with body insecurity, internalized fatphobia and societal pressure to look a certain way. Patriachy is a bitch.

A lot of men have been taught that no woman will want them if they can't "correctly" perform. As for fat men, many of them have either experienced or know someone who did them dirty just because they are fat. I have fat male friends who have told me horror stories about their romantic interests treating them like a fixer upper - even after reassuring them their size isn't an issue. It's sad since there are plenty of women who prefer, like, or don't mind bigger guys. But trauma makes you irrational and paranoid.

I remenber this one guy I liked. He was sweet, soft spoken, nerdy, and very fat. I was 100% into that and pursued him. He started losing weight as soon as I started flirting. Don't get me wrong, he was still hot to me. Yet I was disappointed when his belly was no longer straining at the buttons.

This is why I started going after guys into extreme weight gain. They don't lose weight when you show interest in them and love it when you make them fatter.

Glitter Jelly:
Today I was in a shop where they sell small outdoor tables with chairs.

I don't know why, but I suddenly could swear the man who had been sitting there by himself had been staring at me, watching me while I shopped.

I discreetly glanced at him and, sure enough, the moment my eyes caught his gaze it confirmed my impression: he was looking back at me... and smiling.

Uncomfortable, I quickly walked to another aisle to get away from him.

I have tattoos and blue-purple hair, used to wear bold clothing when I was thin and confident so I'm used to people looking at me and either enjoyed it or didn't care.

That felt different... almost creepy?

I don't know what to think...

Maybe he was an FA and the clothes I was wearing made me look fat?

They were a little snug so maybe they didn't hide my small belly roll as well as I was hoping, but I don't think they were particularly ill fitting...

Munchies:
Pretty sure he was just a garden variety creep. No matter your size, shape, or outfit, there will always be pervs perving on you.

Also, as a side note, you do not need to be an FA to appreciate bigger bodies. I'd say most people who appreciate bigger bodies are not FAs. FA denotes having a kink/fetish. You don't need either of those to be attracted to bigger people.

Last thing of note, the way you describe yourself doesn't suggest you are a particularly large person. If anything, it sounds like you have an average body size. It just feels enormous to you because you got used to wearing extra smalls and smalls.